the Page 968 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Mascot Intolerance Is A Shark Sandwich
It's 2009, and shark mascots still aren't permitted in a snooty British cricket club. Get PETA on the line — and dial the emergency number. It's urgent!...
Christine Brennan Offers Underminey Advice To Erin Andrews
Says the USA Today columnist: "I also would suggest to her ... that she rely on her talent and brains and not succumb to the lowest common denominator in sports media by playing to the frat house." [Big Lead]...
Hooded Dicks Vs. Unhooded Penises
Via Jeffrey Goldberg, this is a story from the Sept. 1, 1926, edition of the Washington Post. No word on who won. Fun fact: The Povich you see there is Abe Povich, brother of Shirley, uncle of Maury. [Jeffrey Goldberg]...
GET HAMMERED! Tad Kubler Of The Hold Steady On The Deadcast
This week's Deadcast guest is Hold Steady guitarist Tad Kubler (Listen here, iTunes here.) DOUBLE WHISKY COKE NO ICE....
Simmons Bids Farewell To <em>ESPN The Magazine</em>
After seven years, the Sports Fella is taking down his shingle at ESPN The Periodical. His final column is a nice tribute to his father (at left), who wrote Huck Finn. [ESPN]...
The Agony Of Upkeep
There are many shitty things about growing old. But here's one of the shittiest: paying lots of money simply to maintain the shit you already have....
Actively Consuming ESPN Would Probably Help The ESPN Ombudsman
With the latest news that ESPN is well on its way to world domination, it would make sense if the man with the expressed authority to critique ESPN inhaled its media as voraciously as the rest of its core demographic....
From The Desk Of Gary Belsky: Altruism Edition
Gary Belsky is the EIC of ESPN The Magazine, which you probably know as the strange, unwieldy object wedged into your mailbox every other week. Sometimes, funny things happen at Gary's magazine, and employees tell us about them....
How To Get Donald Trump All Fired Up
The Donald was cruising around Trump National — the best, most stupendously fabulous course in New Jersey, of course — when someone stole his No. 13 golf cart. Doesn't he have, like, apprentices to make sure that doesn't happen? [Star-Ledger]...
Crumpet? I Hardly Know It!
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Fans mob a Twitter-promoted baseball game featuring the Jonas Brothers. If you're wondering about their road beef, Chris Hansen would like you to sit down over here. [Boston Herald]...
And Now Let's End The Day With Michael Jordan And A Giant Inflatable Penis
I hope this post does not objectify Michael Jordan. The man can't help it if he's sexy. He just saunters his fine-ass around the golf course and people have normal, healthy reactions in his presence. Some people just go overboard....
So What Were You Doing At Age 17?
Zac Sunderland is a 17-year-old California beach bum with shoulder-length locks and fears of conformity. So he's Jimmy Clausen, except he sailed around the world by himself. Winning in Touchdown Jesus' shadow? Try navigating away from pirates, dude....
Big Leaguers Just Wanna Use Gordon Beckham's Love Tonight
Everyone wants a piece of Gordon Beckham. And by everyone, I mean, of course, the throngs of Chicago women wearing his T-shirt jersey and his fellow big leaguers who are copping his swoon-worthy at-bat music....
Tennismania, Anyone?
In individual tennis, arguments are tag-team affairs, at best. The danger of team tennis, though, rests in the possibility of a brawl. Or at least some prissy and passionate (but polite!) name-calling. Especially with John McEnroe involved. [D.C. Sports Bog]...
In Which We Attempt To Translate British Journalism
If the English language isn't yet universal, then the verse of sports should be. I've never understood, then, why it is that I can't comprehend a word of 19th-century British newspapers....
Maybe This Is Why They Called Him "The Lip"
We're bringing back our popular "Dark Side of the Locker Room" series, which you'll remember was a compendium of journalists' bizarre, amusing and previously undocumented encounters with athletes (and often athletes' genitalia). Got a story? Send it to [email protected]....
Have You Seen This Purple Convertible?
Granted, Carolina linebacker Thomas Davis' $136,000 purple and chrome Caprice Classic really blends into a crowd, but it was stolen last week, so holler if you find it. Must be a lot of Panther-loving Prince fans out there. [WFMB/WRAL]...
ESPYS: A Live Report From Within The Vicinity Of Matthew Berry
The Talented Mr. PoonTo Returns. From an onlooker: "Matt berry is picking up on his espy escort chick about 20ft away from me.. Just got her number." Said "escort chick" is to the right, btw. Developing......
Terrell Owens Suddenly Remembers He Has This Thing He Has To Be At
I was surprised to learn "The Superstars" was actually on last night, opposite the All-Star Pregame. (Counterprogramming!) Thanks to the magic of time travel, I have learned that the episode was way more pointless than usual....