ti Page 1035 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Hurdles: They Can Go Wrong
Minkah Fitzpatrick is now out of tonight’s LSU-Alabama game, but not before targeting Russell Gage’s dick and balls as the Tigers receiver tried to hurdle the All-American:...
Rambling Flat-Earth Truther Suggests Tyronn Lue Lacks "Intellectual Mind"
Kyrie Irving, a splendid basketball player with a habit of speaking like his entire vocabulary of multisyllabic words is operated by a lotto machine, went on Geno Auriemma’s podcast and told the coach that his eagerness to join the Boston Celtics came down, in part, to “intellectual human being” Bra...
Tywan “Speedy” Claxton Annihilates Opponent With Flying Knee In First Pro Fight<em></em>
Tywan “Speedy” Claxton made his pro MMA debut at Bellator 186 tonight after a stellar wrestling career as an Ohio Bobcat, and he finished his bout against Jonny Bonilla-Bowman in style with a first-round flying knee. BAH GAWD....
Don't Post Disembodied Engagement Ring Photos
I don’t think you have to eschew all traditional displays of romance to be a cool, modern couple. Even if you decide these traditions are rooted in an oppressive historical patriarchy (they are) and often serve to perpetuate systematic inequality between the sexes on a society-wide scale (they do), ...
Auburn Takes The Easy Road, Lets AD Jay Jacobs Resign At His Convenience
After a 13-year run at Auburn that was equal parts success and scandal, Tigers athletic director Jay Jacobs made use of the Friday news dump to announce that he will retire either next June or whenever Auburn hires his replacement....
Brian Bowen's Fate Is Now In The Very Capable Hands Of Louisville And The NCAA
An attorney for Louisville’s incoming five-star recruit Brian Bowen—the player at the center of the school’s involvement in the FBI investigation that resulted in the firings of Rick Pitino and athletic director Tom Jurich—announced Thursday that Bowen has been cleared by the FBI of any “investigati...
Russian Media Refuses To Believe Tatiana Gutsu When She Says She Was Raped<em></em>
Last month, 1992 Olympic all-around gymnastics gold medalist Tatiana Gutsu said that Vitaly Scherbo, the 1992 Olympic all-around champion, had raped her in 1991. Gutsu was just 15 years old at the time....
Gregg Popovich Ejected After "Fucking Terrible Ref" Outburst
Steve Kerr got heated early in tonight’s Golden State win over San Antonio, but Gregg Popovich was ultimately the one to get ejected. In a fourth-quarter outburst with the Spurs trailing, he said something along the lines of “You’re a fucking terrible referee,” after not getting the travel call he w...
The NFL's Stupid Pizza Wars Were Always Coming
Before he was installed by the electoral college as Supreme Grand Primate Of THE GREAT UNRAVELING, Donald Trump was just one of the more poignant accounts on Twitter. There was nothing sympathetic about him, really, because there has never been anything sympathetic about him. He has been the same wa...
Alex Ovechkin Is Trying To Create "A Social Movement" For Vladimir Putin
Washington Capitals superstar Alexander Ovechkin announced today via Instagram that he is creating a “social movement” called “Putin Team,” which he says is meant to unite Russia and support its current president, Vladimir Putin....
Auburn Suspends Two Players Likely Tied To FBI Investigation
Auburn announced on Thursday that men’s basketball players Austin Wiley and Danjel Purifoy have been suspended indefinitely. While the school did not specify the reason for their suspensions, the fact that they were recommended by the school’s compliance department confirms that they are “Player 1" ...
Howard Eskin Is Very Upset That New Phillies Manager Gabe Kapler Masturbates
The Phillies held a press conference today to introduce Gabe Kapler as the team’s new manager. It was Kapler’s first time speaking to the assembled Philadelphia media, and he got a good introduction into a major part of his new job....
Unbelievable: <i>Sports Illustrated</i> Writer Predicted The White Sox Wouldn't Win The AL Central—And He Was Right!
With the 2017 season over at long last, baseball enthusiasts are turning to their second-favorite pastime: looking back to predictions made by baseball writers to see who gets to gloat and who needs to eat crow. And their attention is rightly focused most of all on a remarkable call made earlier thi...
Goalkeeper Openly Sobs After His Knee Explodes
You can’t really fault Club Atlas keeper Óscar Ustari for weeping like a young child whose dog just died in the middle of his team’s Liga MX match against Tigres last night, not after you see the gruesome way his kneecap just up and popped out of place during a routine kick of the ball....
How The Roman Empire's Cities Crumbled
When we think of the Roman Empire as a physical space, cities are what come to mind. We see the huge bulk of the Coliseum. The ruined husks of aqueducts, bathhouses, and grand temples reach for the sky, reminders of the engineering prowess and resources the Romans had at their disposal. Those kinds ...
Report: The Browns Are Huge Idiots Who Didn't File Paperwork But Also Maybe Sabotaged Their Own Trade
The Bengals almost traded backup QB A.J. McCarron to the Browns Tuesday, but the deal didn’t go through. Adam Schefter reported that Cleveland had missed the 4 p.m. deadline. The Browns still have a dismal QB depth chart, and now they’re also getting roasted by anonymous sources willing to detail pr...
Here Are The Police Reports From Bruce Maxwell's Arrest
Police in Scottsdale, Ariz., released 20 pages of reports late Tuesday, documenting the night they arrested Oakland Athletics catcher Bruce Maxwell after a Postmates delivery driver told them he answered the door by pointing a gun to her face. Maxwell was charged with aggravated assault with a deadl...
Atlético Madrid Kicked Themselves In The Dick Again<em></em>
When the Champions League groups were announced, there was no doubt that Group C was going to be a tough one to advance from. With Chelsea, Roma and Atlético Madrid all battling it out for two slots, we knew that one very good team wasn’t going to be in the knockout stage. But what we didn’t expect ...
Report: Browns Forget To Complete QB Trade Like A Bunch Of Big Dumbasses
The Browns tried to get in on an unusually busy NFL trade deadline by making a somewhat inexplicable deal with the Bengals for backup QB A.J. McCarron. They weren’t even able to pull that off, according to Adam Schefter:...
95 Theses, Ranked
It is the 500th anniversary of the Reformation. Martin Luther’s 95 theses, ranked:...