ti Page 1160 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Donald Trump On Sexual Assault Accusations: "I Don’t Know Those People"<em></em>
About two-thirds of the way into tonight’s debate, Chris Wallace finally brought up the many sexual assault allegations against Donald Trump that have been cropping up over the past week. Trump’s response: What women?...
Liveblogging The Last Presidential Debate Please God<em></em>
Twenty-six debates. After tonight, we will have suffered a total of 26 presidential and primary debates. I truly thought we’d be all be dead by now. ...
Please Enjoy This Picture Of Two Women Drinking Tea With Their Lamb
This photo of English farmer Maud Lee and her daughter Pat enjoying tea with their lamb Betty in 1949 is good, and if you’re for any reason stressed today or tonight, it will probably be worth checking out....
Donald Trump Prepares For Tonight's Debate
At this point, it’s common knowledge that Donald Trump isn’t exactly one for studying, but even the Donald has to prepare a little. Which is why now, for the first time ever, we’re giving you an inside look at Trump headquarters as his team readies their candidate for tonight’s debate....
Organize Or Die
Realistically, there is only one way out of our predicament. ...
Debate Prep Is Hard<em></em>
As a celebrity, he had a history of saying improper things, and he was in trouble following a leaked tape of himself at his most offensive. As a candidate, he never seemed to stick to a script, and he’d often contradict himself. And yet professionally unserious Kinky Friedman was running a serious c...
The Election Is Done, By The Way
Here’s how this debate is going to go:...
<i>New York Times</i> Endorses Monarchy
In a move much anticipated by members of the royal court, the Kingdom of the New York Times has elevated a prince of Family Sulzberger to a position in line for the throne. ...
DNC Apologizes For Illegally Dumping A Bunch Of Poop Down A Storm Drain
A DNC bus was apparently so full of shit this morning that it pulled over in Lawrenceville, Ga. and illegally dumped a bunch of it down a storm drain. Witnesses complained of a “foul smell” and witnessed the bus dumping raw sewage on the Grayson Highway this morning between campaign stops. It was ba...
Titans Owner Denies That Team Will Be Sold To Jon Bon Jovi "Or Anyone Else"
Jon Bon Jovi wants to buy an NFL team. He tried to buy the Bills earlier this year, and “continues to monitor the Titans’ ownership situation closely,” according to CBS’s Jason La Canfora....
Noah Droddy Has Been Called Majestic: That's Not The Half Of It
Nobody was taking Noah Droddy’s picture, which seemed strange considering the rail-thin runner’s recent rise to relative fame has been as much about his sensational (for the track world) ill brah appearance as his fast races, and the unlikely combo of the two. ...
Tim Tebow's Batting Average Is Risen Today, Hallelujah<em></em>
And on the fifth day, his batting average rose again....
It Was A Nice Day In New York Today
Earlier today, local news station NY1 stumbled upon a “mysterious” statue of a mostly naked Hillary Clinton “depicted with horse hooves, and standing on what appeared to be printouts of emails. The statue also featured a Wall Street banker pressed against her left breast.” So of course, some shit we...
Everyone Terrified
When people who manage lots of money are feeling confident, they invest that money. When they feel scared, uncertain, and pessimistic, they just hold onto cash, waiting fearfully for disaster to strike. How are they feeling now? ...
Curt Schilling, For What Feels Like The Hundredth Time, Says He's Going To Run For Senate
Curt Schilling, the elite meme curator and former MLB pitcher made famous by refusing to recognize when he didn’t have a leg to stand on, said that he is considering a run for the United States Senate in 2018. This is not a new claim from him....
NFL Looking Into Yet Another Dirty Play By Vontaze Burfict
It was reported yesterday that the NFL will be reviewing the low hit Bengals linebacker Vontaze Burfict put on Patriots tight end Martellus Bennett during Sunday’s game, and today brings news that the league is looking at another incident involving Burfict from that very same game....
After 3 Days, Jesus Rose From The Dead. After 4 Days, Tim Tebow Is 0-12 In The Arizona Fall League<em></em>
Blessed are the merciful, such as Tim Tebow, who is showing mercy to any and all baseballs he could hit in the Arizona Fall League....
The Dispute Between Georges St-Pierre And The UFC Is Getting Ugly
This morning on the MMA Hour, Georges St-Pierre said that his contract with the UFC has been terminated. St-Pierre, one of the greatest fighters of all time, was rumored to return for UFC 206 in Toronto, although Dana White poured cold water on that idea over the weekend. White has expressed doubt t...
One-Eyed Bullfighter Gored In The Eye Again
One-eyed torero “El Pirata,” who lost an eye in 2011 after being gored, has been gored in the eye again. ...
Get A Load Of These Outlandish <i>Westworld</i> Fan Theories
HBO’s Westworld is draped with the trappings of the horror, action adventure, and Western genres, but it’s best understood as a mystery. The show doesn’t exactly have a coherent, unified plot so much as a tableau of vignettes and characters whose interconnectedness is only vaguely clear. The more th...