ti Page 1805 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Win The Game, Carl Pavano's Gonna Fist Your Anus. That's Just The Way Life Goes.
Delmon Young's single capped a four-run ninth, and set off a celebration the likes of which his colon had never seen. Also, this is pretty much the perfect metaphor for what Carl Pavano did to the Yankees for four years....
Larry Fitzgerald: Inspiration to Amputees Everywhere
The healing process works like this: 1. Lose a leg. 2. Visually dedicate the replacement prosthetic to a great wide receiver. 3. Somehow meet that great wide receiver; get him to autograph and photograph your prosthetic (possibly at the Paradise Valley, Az. mall). 4. Said wide receiver will then pos...
Tim McCarver: Yankees Front Office Takes After Nazi, Communist Propagandists
Tim McCarver apparently thinks there's a Yankees campaign to remove Joe Torre's Bronx contributions from the annals of history. So, in the fourth inning of Saturday's game against the Rays on Fox, he went all Tim Kampf on viewers....
Painting of Tiger Woods Vomiting
If you're a puke-play enthusiast/fetishist, you've probably already started panhandling for the $80 necessary to purchase this gem out of West Oakland....
When Notre Dame Football Players Get Arrested, Touchdown Jesus Weeps
Ain't no party like a South Bend party, cause by the time a South Bend house party gets stopped by police, someone's hand is going to get lacerated and some police officer's camera is going to take a mugshot of Joe Montana's son Nate....
Buy Anna Kournikova For 15 Minutes
Add the Philadelphia Freedoms professional tennis team to the "Needs to Re-learn How Liam Neeson Reacts to Human Trafficking" list....
Looking Back On It, ESPN Editor Was Very Impressed With ESPN Event
If you're curious what a lame, easily starstruck ESPN shill sounds like after he's been put in close proximity to Very Famous People, please read this wet fart of a column by Page 2 factotum and pizza critic Lynn Hoppes....
Hot New Trend Sweeping Through Suburban Chicago: Beating The Crap Out Of Mascots
Have you heard? Anybody who's anybody knows that the coolest thing to do now—at least in the lawless cesspool of the northwest suburbs of Chicago—is to beat up a mascot at an amusement park. Random assault fever—catch it!...
In Which We Try To Class Up That Burger King Parking Lot Fight Video
Yesterday's fight video was so operatic in scale and intensity of emotion that we figured we'd give it the soundtrack it deserves....
Public Urination: The Scourge Of St. Andrews (UPDATE)
During the adorable "wind delay" today at the British Open, a time-filling Scott Van Pelt was forced to remark-without-actually-remarking on a man just mindin' his own business, tryin' to drain the main vein....
Here's Video Of All The World Cup Red Cards Set To A Snappy Tune
If you enjoyed our previous montage, let this one act as a palate cleanser. Hand balls, flopping, cleat attacks — enjoy the best in red-card-worthy World Cup cheating. [Dirty Tackle]...
Mark Chmura, Former Tight End, Lover Of Teenage Hot-Tub Parties, To Be Inducted Into Packer Hall Of Fame
He will be inducted Saturday night: "I had to grow up," said Chmura, who was acquitted in 2001 of child enticement and third-degree sexual assault charges stemming from a high school postprom party he attended in suburban Milwaukee."[WisconsinRapidsTribune]...
Darko Milicic Is Bread From God, And Other Crazy Things David Kahn Believes
"It was like," Timberwolves GM David Kahn said yesterday, "manna from heaven." By "it," he of course means Darko Milicic, and by "manna" he does not mean "flaky white substance blanketing the ground," even though he should....
The Iroquois Nationals' Long Nightmare Is Almost Over
The fourth-seeded Iroquois Nationals were supposed to play host-country England today at the lacrosse world championships. Instead they're taking tourist photos in Times Square and loitering outside JFK. What went wrong for the guys whose ancestors invented our most cherished sport?...
Burger King Parking Lot In Oakland Is The Venue For One Of The Most Disturbing Things You'll Ever See (UPDATE)
To sum up: Pantsless, mouthy pregnant ladies fighting. One mouthy pregnant lady getting jumped by two people, then getting knocked out by dude smoking a joint. Old lady then attacks mouthy pregnant lady. Police are...somewhat present? Fin. (NSFW?) [BarStoolSportsJr.]...
Last Night's Winner: Brett Favre's Unsmiling Daughter
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Breleigh Ann Favre, 11-year-old spawn of Brett, unamused ESPYs guest, symbol of a disgruntled sports nation....
ESPN Editor Is Very Impressed With ESPN Event
If you're curious what a lame, easily starstruck ESPN shill sounds like when he's put in close proximity to Very Famous People, please check out the Twitter feed of Page 2 factotum and pizza critic Lynn Hoppes....
Ohio Governor Takes His Authoritarian Jackboot Off The Neck Of Live Tiger Mascot
Obie the Massillon tiger is saved! Gov. Ted Strickland announced yesterday he "will ensure the rules allow for the established mascot programs to continue," which means Obie will be free do whatever it is a caged sideline tiger does....
John Daly Dresses For The Job He Wants, Not The One He Has
Daly is turning heads at St. Andrews with his sartorial splendor and his Hooters waitress girlfriend. This is like a dark comedy, where the party animal teaches the country club types to loosen up, and then drinks himself to death. [Reuters]...
A Look Back At The Many, Many O-Faces Of The World Cup
Let's officially bring this World Cup to a close with a compilation of men celebrating their goals with panache, hugs, pileups, and, in the case of two Italians, a particularly tender shotgun. Enjoy these rambunctious foreigners one last time....