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An Apologist's Guide To Orange Hi-C
"Love is a smoke and is made with the fume of sighs," said Shakespeare. And I sigh until my chest hurts every time I drink orange Hi-C's sweet nectar. But only at McDonald's....

Matthew McConaughey Rocks A Fanny Pack At Astros-Red Sox Game
Matthew McConaughey—the lieutenant of L-I-V-I-N, the commander of casual, the bombardier of being real—was at Sunday's Astros-Red Sox game, wearing a fanny pack. He did not care about anyone else's opinion of his fanny pack....

Naked Idiot On Turner Field Delays Athletics-Braves Game
In the sixth inning at Turner Field last night, an idiot on the field brief(less)ly interrupted the game between the Braves and Athletics. He was really, really, incredibly nude. ...

Tony Randazzo Ejects Lloyd McClendon In Two Consecutive Games
Tony Randazzo ejected Seattle manager Lloyd McClendon Saturday night for arguing balls and strikes and he just tossed him again today for waving his hand in disagreement with a check swing call on Alex Avila. Last night, McClendon was tossed before he could step onto the field, but when he did Randa...

MLS Players Scores His Own Shoe (It Did Not Count)
Toronto FC's Bright Dike gave this a decent effort but MLS still requires that a valid goal must be scored with the game ball, not one's cleat. Bummer....

Former B.C. Hockey Player Drowns After Diving Off Building
Corey Griffin, a former Boston College hockey player, was pulled out of the water in Nantucket in the early hours of Saturday morning after he jumped off a building into the harbor. Griffin apparently dove off the Juice Guys building, a local smoothie and ice cream shop on the water. An off-duty lif...

West Ham Idiot Runs Length Of Pitch, Takes Free Kick For Spurs
An Idiot On The Field invaded the pitch at Upton Park today, and made the most of his time in the spotlight: he took a crucial free kick for the visiting Tottenham Hotspur....

The Curse Of Ben Affleck's Birth Strikes Red Sox Again
By now, you may be tangentially aware that a Ben Affleck Birthday curse exists for the Boston Red Sox. It goes like this: since Good Will Hunting debuted in 1997, the Red Sox have never won a game on August 15th, Ben Affleck's birthday. Why Good Will Hunting? Probably because no one saw Chasing ...

How To Cook Pork Belly, Which Thoroughly Kicks Bacon's Ass
Albert Burneko is off. Your guest Foodspinner is pudding defender and friend of the program Miserable Shitehawk....

This Isn't Your Club's Year: Our 2014-2015 Premier League Preview
Woohoo, soccer people. We're back....

Kings Sign That Humongous Dude From The NCAA Tournament
Oh hey, it's that one guy! ...
![I Spent All Day Trying To Figure Out If This Is Don Zimmer's Dick [NSFW]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/ehld1aode0he3r6afxtu.jpg)
I Spent All Day Trying To Figure Out If This Is Don Zimmer's Dick [NSFW]
Reader David passed along some old photos from the 1955 Brooklyn Dodgers' locker room. In his email, he claimed that Don Zimmer's dick was fully visible. We decided to dig deeper into this Dodgers dick. Our findings: It's almost certainly not Zimmer's, though the mystery wang does belong to a base...

Arian Foster Continues To Troll The Media
After Arian Foster gave the exact same answer 11 times in a 90-second interview, he got a letter from the NFL threatening a fine if he didn't start being more cooperative with the media. So Foster agreed to an interview with reporters after yesterday's practice, and he added a few twists to his old ...

Let It Be Demolished: Paul McCartney Shuts Down Candlestick Park
Paul McCartney is like the Grand Canyon, or bangers and mash: There's no sexing him up. At 72, he's the rare individual for whom the phrase "living legend" feels like kind of a slight. Bigger than Jesus? Quite possibly. But how many records did Jesus ever sell, and what has he done for you lately? T...

NASCAR Releases New Rules For Drivers Getting Out Of Cars
In response to the sprint car crash that ended with NASCAR driver Tony Stewart running over and killing 20-year-old Kevin Ward Jr., NASCAR has some new rules for drivers: Basically, stay in your car....

College Playoff Selection Committee Makes Complex Process More Complex
Lost in the avalanche of legal battles against the NCAA is that the first college football playoff is coming this year! The 2014 season's champion will be settled based on a four-team playoff, with the bracket selected by the aptly-titled College Football Playoff Selection Committee. ...

Ribeyes, Helicopter Rides, And Booze: How San Antonio Wooed The Raiders
Would you like a $2,005 dinner at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse? A corner room at the Grand Hyatt? Do you want someone else to pay for all this? Of course! All you need is to own an NFL team. Any team will do, even the Raiders. ...

Almost
Attention Highlights for Children readers: we need your help. There are two things wrong with this picture. Can you find them?...

Robin Williams's Terminal Condition: On <em>The World According to Garp</em>
In 1982, Robin Williams went on a Dallas-area talk show to discuss his title role in the film adaptation of John Irving's novel The World According to Garp. The show's host—a cheerful, robotic woman named Bobbie Wygant—asks her questions, and Williams provides his answers....

Today, MLB's Owners Decide How To Wage War
MLB's 30 owners will meet in Baltimore today to elect the first new commissioner since Bud Selig took the reins in 1992—unless there is enough discord and politicking to prevent any candidate from receiving the required 23 votes. Which there almost certainly is! Today will see the first open, public...