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If MLB Pulls This Video, They Hate America
Your morning roundup for May 2, the day Fox News kept being wrong....

Osama Bin Laden Is Dead, Professional Wrestler Declares In Most American Video Ever
And then John Cena holds up his championship belt, and "The Stars and Stripes Forever" starts playing over the speakers. Everything about this is perfect, right down to the guy shouting, "We won." [via @SherwoodStrauss]...

We Are All Dave McKenna LXXXVI
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Master Snyder's dumbass libel suit gets coldly and effortlessly dismembered to send a message to anybody who thinks their money affords them the right to treat the legal syst...

Before Returning To Lockout Mode, Every NFL Franchise Decided Against Drafting A Bone-Cancer Survivor
Your morning roundup for May 1, the day after Seth Meyers said Weekend Update stuff to people's faces....

Armless Man To Throw Ceremonial First Pitch At Tonight's Dodgers Game
As part of his "Pitch for Awareness" national tour, Tom Willis will throw out the first pitch at tonight's Dodgers/Padres game. He'll do so with one of his feet, on account of the fact that he was born without arms. ("I don't have the greatest pitching speed in the world. My style is heave it and ...

We Are All Dave McKenna LXXXV
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until [Daniel] Snyder's dumbass libel suit goes straight to Hell, where it belongs....

Your NHL Playoffs Open Thread
The Boston Bruins visit the Philadelphia Flyers for Game 1 of their Eastern Conference semifinal series at 3 p.m. The video offers seven minutes of highlights from the last time the teams faced one another in the playoffs. Hope you enjoy it....

Here's Video Of A Very Pretty Goal From Today's Chelsea/Tottenham Hotspur Match
Chelsea and Tottenham Hotspur are currently tied at halftime of a match that, if Tottenham wins, would awaken Chelsea from any delusional dream that they can catch, and surpass, Manchester United to win the EPL this season....

Young Man Wants You To Realize The Grizzlies Beating The San Antonio Spurs Is A Really Big Deal
Your morning roundup for April 30, the day we deal with Ouzo hangovers from George Kalpaxis and Julie Herrmannsdoerfer's lovely wedding....

We Are All Dave McKenna LXXXIV
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Dan Snyder's dumbass front office wastes a second-round pick on Dan Snyder's dumbass libel lawsuit, and then cuts it because it's even worse than Devin Thomas....

Manny Ramirez Isn't Really Going Away
Perhaps you thought Manny Ramirez had faded away into that flickering twilight, where we'd reminisce about what a truly spectacular athlete he was. Some folks, Joe Posnanski foremost among them, would argue for Manny's Hall of Fame credentials, while others would want him nowhere near Cooperstown....

Year Of The Pitcher Dies Premature Death, Aged 29 Days
What some were already calling the second straight "Year of the Pitcher" in baseball came to an abrupt end yesterday, as bats exploded into craziness around MLB....

Maple Leafs' Swedish Goalie Prospect Is A Terrible Rapper
Toronto signed Mark "In Da Park" Owuya, a 21-year-old goalie prospect from Sweden, to an entry-level contract on Thursday. Last season, Da Park had a 2.18 goals-against average and a .927 save percentage in goal for Djurgarden, of the Swedish Elite League....

Deion Sanders May Have Found A New Football-Playing Host Upon Which He Can Attach
Your morning roundup for April 29, the day "special cookies" in zip-lock freezer bags got real....

More Baseball Fans Care About Andre Ethier's Bowels Than Chipper Jones's Switch-Hitting Prowess
In tipster Zachary P.'s estimation, the difference between Andre Ethier's hit streak and Andre Ethier' shit streak is minimal. It is....

How an Imperfect Player Became the Perfect <em>Madden</em> Cover Pick
He's the first Madden cover star from a losing team. The first with no Pro Bowl appearances at the time of his selection. He led NFL running backs in one statistical category last year - fumbles.… [Kotaku] ...

We Are All Dave McKenna LXXXIII
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Dan Snyder's dumbass libel suit realizes it has less balls than a castrato....

Roger Goodell Silences Boos, "We Want Football" Chants With A Moment Of Silence
Both Cam Newton, your #1 pick, and Goodell got heartily booed by the New York crowd. And then The Commish segued into a moment of silence for the tornados in the south. Well played, Rog....

Dana White Demands A Porn Star On A Leash
Never one for choosing his words to women carefully, Dana White has now taken to Twitter to attack mild-mannered porn queen Jenna Jameson, the sometime significant other of Tito Ortiz:...

God's Gift Commits To St. John's
St. John's has secured a commitment from God's Gift Achiuwa, a juco All-American. Steve Lavin now has the third-ranked recruiting class for 2011. Who would win in a name-off: God's Gift or Godspower? [ESPN]...