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Tim Lincecum's Doppelgänger Will Give You The Ride Of Your Life For One Million Dollars
Your morning roundup for March 11, day two of "junta rules."...

Here's How God Helped The NCAA Totally Screw Baylor Off The Tournament Bubble
Earlier this week, the New York Times ran a story about Baylor freshman forward Perry Jones III. Detailing his eighth-grade verbal commitment — "[H]e never wavered, even as coaches from more-traditional college-basketball powers, including Kansas and U.C.L.A., sent letters to his home" — it painted...

Sheriff: Sweaty, Shirtless Man With Gun Stopped Near Scene Of Alleged Meriweather Shooting
The Orange County Sheriff's Office just dropped an info packet on our inbox. Some interesting tidbits in here. For one: Apopka police stopped a Dodge Stratus with four people inside a few blocks away from the shooting. In the car, the cops found a loaded Smith & Wesson hand gun "wrapped in a sweaty ...

We Are All Dave McKenna XXXV
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit disappears like NCAA refs after a blown call....

The Miami Heat Have Failed Us; Or, How Chris Bosh Is Like The Space Station
FreeDarko's Bethlehem Shoals, co-author of The Undisputed Guide to Pro Basketball History (visit the FreeDarko store, too!) and our erstwhile Heat Strokes diarist, picks up his pen again on the occasion of tonight's Most Important Basketball Game Ever, Lakers-Heat....

Worst High School Baseball Drubbing Over Five Innings?
This might not be the biggest blowout in high school baseball history. But it's bad. It's real bad. On Tuesday in Dallas, Lake Highlands beat Samuell by a score of...a score of...well, shucks, everyone lost track after Lake Highlands put up 50 and the game was called by the mercy rule in the fifth....

Hiking The Appalachian Trail In 4 Minutes
Kevin "Fester" Gallagher took six months to hike the 2,181 miles from Georgia to Maine. Each day, he took 24 photos of successive steps. His film, Green Tunnel, consists of 4,000 physical slides scanned in and set to music, and provides the closest thing to physical exercise you're going to get to...

Bill Simmons, Malcolm Gladwell, And The Dirty Secret Of The MIT Sports Analytics Conference
The Joke That Started It All Shortly after 9 a.m. Friday, in a big gray conference room in a big gray convention center, 1,500 people—mostly white, mostly male, mostly clad in business suits—roar with laughter. Jeff Van Gundy, the former Knicks and Rockets coach and current ESPN analyst, has just cr...

Here's A Beautiful Animation Of Gareth Bale's Play Against Inter Milan
An animator named Richard Swarbrick made this tribute to Tottenham's Gareth Bale, the 21 year-old star of Spurs. The video uses Bale's highlights from two matches against Inter Milan this season — the first, a 4-3 loss on October 20 in which Bale scored a hat trick in the second half, and the seco...

Harvard-Princeton War Of SAT Words Escalates, Yale Joins The Fray
Big basketball game Saturday afternoon, folks: Harvard (23-5, 12-2 Ivy) and Princeton (24-6, 12-2 Ivy) fighting to the death on Yale's court, a neutral site, for the Ivy League's March Madness bid. Extra high stakes for Harvard, who hasn't appeared in the tourney since 1946, back when RFK was punchi...

Todd Bairstow Was Living The Fishing-Trip Dream Until He Got Death Rolled
If your worst nightmare involves a fishing trip in which you lose a finger to a gator that gets you in a death roll after latching onto leg for 40-some minutes, catch up with 28-year-old Australian mine worker Todd Bairstow sometime. He can tell you how it really feels....

We Are All Dave McKenna XXXIV
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit slinks off to die in quiet shame. Of note today is another wretched attempt at litigious strong-arming by the wretched bully Snyder — this one invo...

Watch Rutgers Get Absolutely Screwed By The Refs (Updated)
In the Big East tournament, Rutgers was just victimized by a historically bad no-call (that immediately followed up two fairly egregious no-calls against them). Trying to run the clock out, the St. John's player traveled, stepped out of the bounds, and chucked the ball into the seats with nearly t...

Max Pacioretty Was Seriously Injured In Last Night's Zdeno Chara Hit
Pacioretty suffered a severe concussion and a fractured vertebrae in last night's hard collision with Boston's Zdeno Chara. Montreal's left wing remains in the hospital and is out indefinitely. Chara will not be punished beyond the game misconduct. [ESPN]...

A Million Dollars and No Change for a Perfectly Humble Gamer
You can do a lot of crazy stuff when you win a million bucks. When he did, Wade McGilberry was approached by a long-lost relative with a pitch for buying into a pineapple farm. No thanks, Wade said. What he really wanted was a Harley. And with the dough he won from MLB 2K10, you're damn right he bou...

NFL Dream Job: The Miami Dolphins Are Hiring An Experienced Cotton Candy Maker
Last month, the MLB announced it was accepting applications for what was billed as a "dream job," or, watching somewhere in the range of 2,400 baseball games and writing about it. It sounded... fun. But the NFL may trump it with this opening, for an "experienced" cotton candy maker at the Dolphins' ...

Harvard And Princeton Will Fight Old-Fashioned Douchebag Standoff In Saturday Playoff
Big news for our high net worth contingent: Princeton defeated Penn in the Ivy League's regular-season finale tonight, meaning—you guessed it—the Tigers will battle Tommy Amaker's Harvard squad for the conference's automatic berth in a playoff at Yale on Saturday....

Max Pacioretty Carted Off Ice On Stretcher After Scary Zdeno Chara Hit
In the second period of tonight's Bruins-Habs game, with Montreal leading 4-0, Boston defenseman Zdeno Chara delivered this blow to Montreal wing Max Pacioretty, riding him headfirst into the stanchion between the benches....

Texans CB Kareem Jackson Tweets A Dominican Cockfight
Well, this is one way to spend one's last NFL paychecks before the impending labor doom arrives....

ESPN3 Was Creepily Fixated On Cam Newton's Body All Afternoon
ESPN3 composed its love letter to Cam Newton today, with more than four hours of filming him walking around the field at Auburn's official pro day. Viewers were treated to Cam posing in backpack, Cam joking with teammates, Cam bending over to tie his shoes, Cam stretching his legs, and at the very...