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The Lightning Scored Three Beautiful Goals And The Capitals Only Scored Two
It might seem a bit tedious to go through all the goals in the Lightning’s 4-2 Game 4 win over the Capitals on Thursday night, which evened the Eastern Conference Finals at two games apiece. But bear with me—in the tensest game of the series so far, every scoring play (minus the empty netter with tw...

Heck Yeah, J.D. Martinez Is Smashing Dingers Like Clockwork Again
New Red Sox signing J.D. Martinez had a very, very good first month in a Boston uniform—an April OPS of .994 is nothing to sneeze at—but Just Dingers has truly been living up to his nickname since May began. And in his first at-bat tonight against the Orioles, J.D.’s fifth-gear hot streak got even m...

The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is The Idiot Racist Lawyer Sprinting Away From News Cameras
Aaron Schlossberg, the New York City lawyer who was caught on video dressing down restaurant employees for speaking Spanish and threatening to call U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement on them because he believed they were undocumented, is having a rough time since activist Shaun King released t...

Three Men Crossed Frozen Lake Baikal, And Chased More Than A World Record
The eighth day he was out on the ice, Scott Gilmour’s eyes started to feel like jelly. They wobbled around in his sockets, and when he looked out, the world seemed like it was smeared with goo. Gilmour and his two companions had been facing headwinds for hours, walking on ice as hard as steel. They ...

Bill Bradley Had Some Dumb Thoughts About The Legalization Of Sports Gambling
Sports gambling is going to be a disaster for some. The widespread legalization of sports gambling in the United States, for which the Supreme Court paved the way with a ruling earlier this week, will lead to some people gambling all their money away. It will not lead to a renaissance in Atlantic Ci...

The Astros Can Pitch Now And Look Invincible
It took Justin Verlander just 2 hours and 36 minutes to dispatch the Angels on Wednesday night, striking out seven in a five-hit shutout. We’ve come to expect this sort of thing since Verlander was traded to Houston last August, but it was especially impressive given the team that was on the receivi...

Chris Paul's Yo-Yo Dribble Never Gets Old
Last night, the Houston Rockets blew past the Golden State Warriors in Game 2 of the Western Conference Finals by getting a little more lively on offense and moving the ball. That is cool and good for them, but let’s be honest: the best thing about the game was Chris Paul’s dribbling....

Bartolo Colon's Belly Saves The Day
In the middle of his seven-plus scoreless innings in the Texas Rangers’ 5-1 win Wednesday, pitcher Bartolo Colon had to deal with a comebacker from Mariners shortstop Jean Segura. While Colon wasn’t quick enough with his glove, his tummy more or less did the job, and he got the out in time. You can’...

Steph Curry Will Have To Take Over At Some Point
It’s been over two weeks since Steph Curry returned from his knee injury to make the Warriors fully operational for the latter stages of the playoffs, and his results have been mixed. He made the Warriors look invincible once again in his first game back against the Pelicans, but he’s been up and do...

The Desperate Rockets Beat The Warriors, And It Was Actually Fun To Watch
The Rockets can pass! That’s the most stunning takeaway from their 127-105 win against the Warriors tonight, which evened the Western Conference Finals at one game apiece and introduced a prettier, more kinetic version of the Rockets than the team that won 65 games in the regular season. Game 2 saw ...

Report: Very Fortunate Mike Budenholzer Gets To Coach Giannis Now<em></em>
Mike Budenholzer, the head coach who parted ways with the Atlanta Hawks last month after a 24-58 season, has agreed to become the new coach of the Milwaukee Bucks, according to Woj. What a lucky bastard....
![Woman Furiously Shits On Floor Of Tim Hortons, Throws It At Employees [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/iyykgbeiy2amhwqtdndj.jpg)
Woman Furiously Shits On Floor Of Tim Hortons, Throws It At Employees [Update]
A woman in Canada was so incensed about something Tim Hortons employees did or didn’t do that she dropped her pants, took a dump on the floor, threw it, grabbed some napkins to wipe her ass, threw those too, and left....

Report: Contract Spat Means Qatar Isn't Going To Pay To Keep The Metro Open Late After The Caps Game After All
A fun thing about Washington D.C. is that its metro transportation system closes at 11:30 p.m. on weeknights even if there are major sports events happening. Instead of simply extending metro hours so people can get home more easily, the Washington Metro Area Transit Association gets businesses or ...

Joey Votto "Terribly Ashamed" Of Saying Semi-Rude Things About Canada
Reds first baseman Joey Votto is a fantastic baseball player, a charmingly prickly dude, and a Canadian. Those last two things converged recently to produce one of his more memorable quotes, in which he explained that he really doesn’t give a shit about Canada....

It Appears The Kings, Who Always Screw Up, Can't Possibly Screw This Up
For what feels like the first time in recent franchise history, the Sacramento Kings got lucky. The Kings briefly held the reins in the NBA’s greatest-ever tank-off last season, but they were soundly out-tanked over the stretch run, and wound up finishing with the lottery’s seventh-best odds after e...

Josh Reddick Fries Mike Trout At Third, Then Cooks Ian Kinsler At The Plate
Astros right fielder Josh Reddick had to have assumed he taught the Angels a lesson about running on his arm in the sixth inning tonight. When Mike Trout tried to move from first to third on a Shohei Ohtani single, he quickly became, in the accurate words of the announcer, “a dead duck.”...

Uh Oh, The Cavs Might Actually Be In Trouble<em></em>
An all-timer of a first quarter from LeBron James, in which he scored 21 of his team’s 27 points, and a 42-point triple-double for the entire game all went to waste in Game 2 of the Eastern Conference Finals, as the Boston Celtics took down the Cleveland LeBrons, 107-94....

It Was Never Going To Be Easy For The Capitals
The Washington Capitals came crashing back down to earth tonight in a 4-2 loss to the Lightning in Game 3 of the Eastern Conference Finals, shrinking the series lead of these briefly unbeatable-looking Caps down to 2-1....

Authorities: Wife Of Pro Golfer Lucas Glover Charged With Battery After Attacking His Mother
Lucas Glover’s wife, Krista, was arrested in Ponte Vedra Beach, Fla., on Saturday night and charged with domestic battery and resisting an officer after she apparently struck Lucas and his mother, Hershey Hendley, according to the St. John’s Sheriff’s Office. Inmate records from the sheriff’s office...

The D.C. Metro Will Stay Open Late For A Capitals Game Thanks To The Generosity Of, Uh, Qatar
Aside from the nonstop playoff losses, I imagine the worst thing about being a Washington D.C.-area sports fan is the fact that the Metro closes at 11:30 on weeknights, often before local games—especially playoff baseball—come to an end....