tori Page 11 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Torii Hunter, All-Time Near-Great Centerfielder, Retires
My defining memory of Torii Hunter’s baseball career comes from the 2002 All-Star Game, when he robbed Barry Bonds of a home run. Bonds was in the middle of four straight seasons of destroying space-time, but Hunter was pretty darn good too, finishing sixth in the AL MVP race and winning his second ...
In Praise Of The Oxford Shirt, A Style Essential For Anonymous Drones Worldwide
We are here to discuss the Oxford shirt, which, you will find, is the most adequate piece of clothing available to mankind....
A Rest Stop Stalker, And More Of Your Real-Life Horror And Ghost Stories
On Friday, we asked you to share your real-life ghost stories, and I semi-regret it. Some of your stories are legitimately freaky! Brace yourself for readers’ scariest real-life ghost stories. ...
Tell Us Your Real-Life Horror And Ghost Stories
There’s a ghost story a friend’s father told me once that still freaks me out a little bit. Even as an adult. The story goes that one night, a few weeks after his mother died, he woke up to their dog barking uncontrollably. He got up and walked down the hallway to see what was wrong, and much to his...
To Hell With Vox's Victorian-Living Idiots
Yesterday, Vox published a first-person essay detailing the anachronistic existence of two insufferably twee hipsters who live as if they were insufferably twee 19th-century urban gentry. Fuck these people....
The NFL Must Hire A Commissioner
Today, in striking down the four-game suspension of New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady over the Ballghazi football-inflation scandal, federal district-court judge Richard M. Berman issued a stark repudiation of the National Football League’s entire enforcement regime. It’s but the latest in ...
Victoria Azarenka Hits Chair Umpire With A Solid High-School Burn
During her U.S. Open match against Lucie Hradecka yesterday, Victoria Azarenka found herself in a disagreement with the chair umpire. She handled herself like a jock seasoned in the art of making band kids feel like lame nerds....
Nice Going, Shane. Look What You Did. Do You Have Any Idea How Much This Is Gonna Cost?
Great, Shane. This is just fucking great....
Only An Idiot Would Buy A $600 Sweatshirt
Who was it that first said, “It takes a lot of money to look this cheap?” Well, according to Bieber Clothing Tumblr, a site for teens dedicated to fashion worn by this particular emotional teen, Justin Bieber spent $600 on the following sweatshirt; one that looks like something he picked up at Goodw...
Shane Victorino Sad
The Red Sox traded outfielder Shane Victorino to the Angels in exchange for infielder Josh Rutledge and cash considerations. This is good news for Victorino, who just came off the DL and is going from a last-place team to a first-place squad, but Victorino still got emotional about his time with the...
“Never Fight People Bigger Than You”: Your School Fight Horror Stories
I went to Spanish Camp when I was a kid (shut up), and there was this one kid named Dave who was always a dick to me. I spent pretty much every waking moment ruminating on how much I hated Dave, until one day when I couldn’t take it anymore, and I walked up behind Dave and sucker-punched him. Total ...
“Then They Lit A Roman Candle”: Your Best Fireworks Horror Stories
Fireworks! So loud! So destructive! So shabbily made! Why, they’re the perfect embodiment of America itself! No wonder we blow them up real good every 4th of July....
Torii Hunter Melts Down, Throws Jersey After Ejection
Torii Hunter did not like the strike-two call by home-plate umpire Mark Ripperger, and let him know. He was wrong; it was a good pitch. Torii Hunter definitely did not like strike three, which was well off the plate outside. “I thought the last pitch he called a strike was revenge,” Hunter said, and...
Report: Carmelo Anthony Interested In Buying NASL Team
According to Empire of Soccer, the New York Knicks’ star forward is interested in reviving the Puerto Rican NASL squad, the Puerto Rico Islanders, which was disbanded in 2012....
Dumb People Upset Championship Sunday Is Pre-Empting Their Reruns
Among the great things NBC has done since acquiring the Premiership rights in the U.S. is to air all ten matches of the final day of the season on the broad spectrum of NBC Universal-owned networks. That includes Syfy, Esquire, Oxygen, Bravo, and other networks that are usually airing some kind of g...
I Want This Dodgers Tommy Bahama Shirt
The college I attended had a six-week winter break, from Thanksgiving until New Year’s. During my first winter back home I decided to get a job, as my high school friends would only be home for a few days at Thanksgiving and not again until Christmas. There are many places that hire temp workers for...
Darren Sharper's "Penis Monitoring" Is Evil, Retrograde Bullshit
A casual observer might take note of Darren Sharper's pending plea agreement in rape charges spread across at least four years and four different states for any number of the obvious reasons—this is, after all, a case involving a former NFL All-Pro being revealed as a serial rapist. One of those rea...
Dzhokhar Tsarnaev Is Bad, And What He Did Was Bad
Earlier today, a reader sent us a complaint regarding the trial of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, one of the two men who set off bombs at the Boston Marathon in 2013. He believed we were lacking in the coverage of Tsarnaev’s trial, and that we did not denounce his acts enough. Here’s his email, in full:...
If You Could Change The Outcome Of One Play, Which Would It Be?
Yesterday, commenter “Norm Charlatan” wrote that if he had the power, he’d travel back in time and make it so Gordon Hayward’s half-court buzzer-beating heave in the 2010 championship game went in instead of rimming out. That’s a damned good hypothetical....
Let's Cast The ESPN Movie!
Yesterday, James Andrew Miller, one of the co-authors of the ESPN oral history Those Guys Have All The Fun, announced on Twitter that a movie of the book is currently in the works, and that he's writing the script. We're hoping the script features some suit telling Keith Olbermann to turn in his b...