Let's Cast The ESPN Movie!

Drew Magary|published: Tue 17th February, 16:07 2015

Yesterday, James Andrew Miller, one of the co-authors of the ESPN oral history Those Guys Have All The Fun, announced on Twitter that a movie of the book is currently in the works, and that he's writing the script. We're hoping the script features some suit telling Keith Olbermann to turn in his badge and gun if he's not willing to play by the rules, or Bill Simmons chasing down a bad guy on top of a bullet train, or pretty much anything else that isn't about petty office politics as played by dim people stuck in the middle of Connecticut, because holy shit would that suck. Still, forget about whether or not you would actually like to watch a movie based on a book that's essentially a hagiography about the formation of a corporation designed to get you to argue about whether or not Joe Flacco is elite, or even one that features a gun-waving Linda Cohn trying to decide which of two Dick Vitales is the real one and which is the one she should shoot. For the sake of this post, let's do some dream casting:

Chris Berman: Danny DeVito

Bill Simmons: Eli Roth doing his terrible Inglourious Basterds accent

J-Bug: Turtle

Keith Olbermann: Someone who stops at nothing to alienate everyone around him ... MAYBE CHARLIE SHEEN?

Dan Patrick: One of the guys from Sports Night

Charlie Steiner: Danny McBride

Dick Vitale: Larry David

Tony Kornheiser: Larry David (he plays two roles)

John Walsh: The corpse of Richard Griffiths

Colin Cowherd: A donkey

Michael Wilbon: Chi McBride

Jason Whitlock: Martin Lawrence in his Big Momma's House fatsuit