ty Page 805 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
About Last Night
What you missed while wondering what set off everyone's obsession with anal fisting... • MLB: The Rays beat the Cardinals, but don't worry about Will, he's drunk. • NBA: In the night's one playoff game that didn't totally suck, the Lakers knocked the Jazz out of the playoffs. So yes, it is possible ...
Wait, Stealing Condoms Is A Crime?
We remember when a friend of ours, in high school, gave us advice, handed down to him by his grandfather, on how to buy condoms. "The trick," he said, "is not to try to slip them in with other purchases, or anything like that. Sorry, man: You just have to steal them." We didn't take that tactic, but...
Has Troubled Joe Phillips Resurfaced Online?
Most of us not in the Kansas City-area probably heard first about former Chiefs' defensive lineman Joe Phillips' troubles through the fascinating HBO Real Sports segment from last January titled "Family Burden." The story focused on a handful of wives of ex-NFL players going through hard times physi...
Soccer. Balls.
For those lukewarm soccer enthusiasts who contend that more public nudity would greatly improve Europe's favorite foot-oriented sporting event, this is somewhat fantastic news. Recently, "more than 1,800 men and women have posed nude for US photographer Spencer Tunick in Vienna's Ernst Happel stadi...
Pizza Madness Grips Ohio
OK, it wasn't quite THAT bad. But Papa John's 23-cent pizza promotion in Northeast Ohio on Thursday did draw enormous crowds, and wasn't completely peaceful. Aside from some stores running out of pizzas, there were shoving matches and verbal altercations as people waited in line for discount pies fo...
Shout At The Dogleg
It's no secret that former hair metal icons began replacing their Aqua Net and sperm-killing lyrca with Tommy Bahama wardrobes as soon as most of them hit their 30s. Alice Cooper's like a five handicap, Tico Torres from Bon Jovi's 12.1, and, hey, even Tommy Lee's a 33....
Even Joe Posnanski Gets Yelled At
Being a sports reporter is, at times, an absolutely horrible job. Sure you get to watch games, travel and interact with athletes, but there is a horrendous downside. (Which is pretty much everything else.) And this is never more disturbingly clear than when a reporter has their first (or 50th) awful...
Ozzie Guillen Does A Brilliant Ozzie Guillen Impersonation
Perhaps it's appropriate that Ozzie Guillen would unleash one of his patented expletive-filled tirades on Chicago fans, the Cubs, and media outlets just a few short days removed from the 25th anniversary of Lee Elia's epic f-bomb ranting. Maybe it was an homage. But more likely it was just Ozzie Gui...
Chris Cooley Blogs, Fred Davis Sleeps
Reports out of Ashburn, Virginia (nothing good has ever followed that phrase) indicate that Fred Davis, one of Washington's second round picks, slept through one of his first practices as a Redskin. It isn't a good start for the rookie, especially with a Pro Bowl tight end starting in front of him....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while doing a little post-Derby laundry... • Sunday Night Baseball: St. Louis Cardinals vs. Chicago Cubs. Finally, an end to the early May logjam atop the NL Central! [ESPN] • Drag Racing: NHRA Midwest Nationals, Final Eliminations from Madison, IL. This midwestern bias is getting out...
Gussying Up the WNBA's Rookie Class
The WNBA, like other professional leagues, holds an annual orientation for their new rookie class. Unlike other professional leagues, this orientation featured courses on hairstyles, makeup tips, and other non-pillow fighting related slumber party activities....
Da Meat Hook Likes a Good Rubdown
• Washington's massage therapist "found the spot" that gave Dmitri Young "instant release." [Mister Irrelevant] • LSU fans have had better weeks. [Cajun Boy In the City] • Dhani Jones enjoys two things in his free time, designing bow ties and playing rugby with professionals. [FanHouse] • Updates o...
Hawks Exit Stage Left
The Atlanta Hawks gave their fans plenty to cheer about with three home wins against the Celtics, but they were finally finished off this afternoon. Boston continued their home dominance with 99-65 curb-stomping, although it could have been much worse. The win sends them into the second round again...
Cesc Fabregas Is Flaming
Take note Chicago Fire, that is how you're going to put asses in the seats....
Newcastle Owner Now Slightly Richer
Newcastle have been on quite a run as of late, and Mike Ashley is taking full advantage. The club's billionaire owner recently strolled into his local casino (note to self: move to England) and had a seat at the roulette wheel, the greatest table game of them all. Ashley decided to make the boldest ...
A Beautiful Day to Watch Others Exercise
• In Progress — NBA: Boston Celtics vs. Atlanta Hawks. Mike Woodson tried to get excited for Game Seven, but he's just so steamed about that Rookie of the Year vote. [ABC] • 2:00 — NHL: Pittsburgh Penguins vs. New York Rangers. Can the Penguins close them out? Are you still reading? [NBC] • 3:00 — P...
Arizona Cannot Be Stopped
Brandon Webb didn't have his best performance of the year, but he can thank Augie Ojeda for helping him notch a seventh consecutive win. The Arizona reserve filled in mightily for the injured Orlando Hudson, driving in six of the runs in the 10-4 win over the Mets. Ojeda had three hits, including tw...
Hornets Tell It Like It Is, Spurs Fall to Pieces
I immediately regret that headline. Anyway, New Orleans opened their series against San Antonio in style with an ass kicking of impressive proportions. The Spurs held a four point lead after the first quarter, but once the mascot lit the floor on fire the Hornets outscored the visitors by 23. Tim D...
BWI Isn't Just a Crappy Airport In Maryland
Cedric Benson, the oft-maligned running back of the Chicago Bears, was arrested last night by the Lower Colorado River Authority (the LAPD of southwest waterways) after being stopped for suspicion of boating while intoxicated. The 25 year-old was hosting between 12 and 15 guests on his 30-foot boat...
About Last Night
What you missed while setting New Orleans on fire... • NBA: For some reason the New Orleans Hornet attempted to jump through a ring of fire in between the first and second quarter. Once they put out the fire the Hornets couldn't be stopped. • Boxing: Oscar de la Hoya dispatched of Stevie Forbes with...