up Page 870 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
That Was Not As Much Fun As It Should Have Been
Phil Mickelson is your 2006 Masters winner. There was no drama on 18, there was no big finish. The 18th was just a formality. Phil Mickelson bumrushed the field, or perhaps more accurately, let the field bumrush themselves, en route to an easy green jacket....
A Ponytail Unlike Any Other
For the moment, I'm going to ignore the people who would tell you that "The Masters doesn't start until the back nine on Sunday." I've been watching for almost an hour already, and there's no way that Miguel Angel Jimenez's fucking head is bothering me this much without the tournament having start...
One Lousy Opening Day
You think you had a bad day yesterday? Dodgers starter Derek Lowe, inexplicably starting on Opening Day, was hammered by the Braves. And when the game was over, he had to go home and read transcripts of divorce proceedings spread all over the Internet. They were initially posted by the subscriptio...
World Cup, Lego Style
We're just a couple of months away from the World Cup — anybody planning on going, by the way? Let us know — and they're now very close to finishing the Allianz Arena, the huge arena built specifically for the World Cup. It's "state-of-the-art," which probably means it'll be obsolete within a year a...
What Do You Do When 5,000 People Want To Use Your Loo?
Where would you least like to live? Next to a toxic waste dump? Across the street from Dennis Rodman's house? Downtown Kabul? We've got one for you; the tiny German village of Iffezheim is faced with the prospect of having 5,000 English soccer fans encamped nearby during the World Cup. From an art...
Sports Bras Of An Entirely Different Nature
The Japanese are just so far ahead of us in their ability to turn seemingly innocent things into something naughty. First Hello Kitty, and now this. Our national pasttime has become a theme for their undergarments. I have some baseball glove conditioning oil, and I'm willing to help break it in....
Blogdom's Best: Seattle Supersonics
It might not — yet — have the online fanaticism and cachet of baseball, but the NBA and its fans are starting to catch up in the world of team-devoted blogs. To this end, Deadspin salutes these modem-addled souls and proudly presents Blogdom's Best, given to the most outstanding blog for each NBA ...
Mo Vaughn, Still Pickin' 'Em Up And Settin' 'Em Down
We always liked former Red Sox first whaleman Mo Vaughn, if just because of his always-refreshing honest about where he spent his spare time: strip clubs. (We'll just say reporters always knew where to find him when they needed a quote.)...
Today In The Premiership...
• Arsenal 7-0 Middlesbrough. Holy Lord. 7-0? Did they let Arsenal use their hands? Man, there's real chance that Arsenal outscores the Chicago Bears this weekend. In fact, Thierry Henry might outscore the Bears himself, as he scored three of the seven....
NFL Playoff Roundup: Riiiiipppppp!
• Honestly, we know this was covered all weekend, but man, that Carson Palmer thing was the worst playoff moment we can remember. We think Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals have it tough; Bengals fans finally get in the playoffs, and two plays in, their Pro Bowl QB tears an ACL and MCL. (Quest...
Today In The FA Cup...
What's The FA Cup, you ask? Well, here's what I can gather, combining knowledge from my buddy Danks and a very thoughtful e-mail from a guy named Pete. The FA is the governing body of soccer in England, which covers the Premier League and all the leagues below it, which are kinda like minor league...
The Ladies Love Fennis Dembo
True Hoop and End Of The Bench have one of those stories that they just knew we weren't going to be able to resist: Rampant groupie sex, in Detroit, in the late '80s. We mean, come on. That's bait, catnip....
Culpepper: Lap Dances? Who, Me?
We don't want to overstate — and it probably won't happen, anyway — but if Vikings sex boat gods Daunte Culpepper and Bryant McKinnie get their way, we might be in for the real trial of the century....
The Real Reason For Manny's Trade Demand
We've heard all the rumors too, and Red Sox blogger Sheriff Sully finally puts the cards on the table: One of the main reasons Manny Ramirez is seeking a trade from the Red Sox, say the rumors, because his wife wants him out of Boston because of "temptations of infidelity." Says the Sheriff Sully ...
The Story Of The Lucky Garbageman
We know we're getting a little soccer-heavy on you today, but bear with us: This is a good story....
Fred Smoot Is Depressed
Well, here's a surprise: Vikings cornerback Fred Smoot has had a little different first year with the Vikings than he initially thought he would. (Not to be crude, but, uh, "holding a double-headed dildo and moving the dildo while each end was inserted into the vagina of two women" is a phrase tha...
Ben Troupe Will Do Anything For His Teammate
Well, we're two months in, so we suppose CBS Sportsline's rad, dope, duuuude "SPiN" section was due for a worthwhile story. Though it's not the same since they made E-Mack! go back to his Christian name. And this morning, we have to admit, they've got one: All respect....
The Vikings Meet The Seventh Floor Crew
Sometimes, someone comes up with a concept that's so perfectly in our sweet spot that we can merely stand up and salute, and that's really saying something, because we spend the whole day on our ass....
NFL Roundup: Sad Colts, Happy Bolts
• We'll confess, we were actually kind of rooting for the Colts not to finish 16-0. Not because we have anything against them — we don't, save for maybe a suspicion that Edgerrin James did a guest spot on the seventh floor crew — but because we will never have faith in Tony Dungy and Peyton Chessn...
Your Takes On The Sex Boat Wrapup
We love doing this site, but, to be honest, what we might love the most are you, the readers. Your comments are the highlights of our days, and not just because you're funnier than we are. We thought we'd take this opportunity to showcase our personal favorite slices of hilarity from today's earli...