uri Page 169 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Today In Girls Sports Hijinks: The Human-Step-Ladder-Dunk Calamity
At the intersection of two great genres, Disastrous Attempts at Dunking and Middle-Schoolers Getting Hurt, lies this dunk mishap. Featuring a back-and-forth not seen in 70 years (or so), this basketball game took a turn toward the hilarious. [emailsfromthecube]...

Last Night's Winner: Suspense
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like women's basketball fans, who experienced their first moment of uncertainty in two years. It only lasted a few minutes, but it sure was spooky....

Dan Gadzuric Needs Velcro Sneakers
From tonight's game, Dan Gadzuric stops to tie his shoe, forcing the Bucks to play 4-on-5 for a verrrry looong tiiiime. Seriously, he almost runs out the shot clock....

Vandy Pitcher Takes Liner Off Knee, Still Gets The Assist
Corey Williams, a redshirt freshman at Vanderbilt, had his knee obliterated by a hot shot up the middle and still recorded the 1-3 putout. I hope the next mound he pitches on has a ramp though....

Watch Andrew Bogut's Arm Turn Into Spaghetti
Want to break a young player of the nasty habit of hanging on the rim after a dunk? Just show them this gruesome video of Bogut absolutely destroying his arm last night....

Mark Ingram's Money-Laundering Father Gets Extended Sentence For Watching Sugar Bowl
Mark Ingram, father of Heisman Trophy winner Mark Ingram, will serve an extra 27 months in federal "[Office Space quote]" prison after jumping bail to watch Alabama's 2009 Sugar Bowl loss to Utah....

Tigers Aplenty! Missouri-Clemson Open Thread (CLOSE GAME WATCH)
Both of these teams love to play fast and loose, and Clemson's Trevor Booker might be the best player on the court. However, the Big 12 was better this year and Mizzou is very well-rounded. Tigers by five....

Crotch Punch Fulfills Every Crotch Punch's Destiny, Gets Immortalized On Videotape, Part II
And now here's the video of Jackson State's Phillip Williams nutpunching Mississippi State's Dee Bost. By the time the NIT's over, we'll have a whole new section of sopranos for the pope's choir. ...

Crotch Punch Fulfills Every Crotch Punch's Destiny, Gets Immortalized On Videotape
Here's the video of Seton Hall's Herb Pope doing to Texas Tech's Darko Cohadarevic what a thousand youth baseball bats have done to two thousand youth-coach testicles. [YouTube, via TBL]...

Another, More Pissy, Theory About What Happened In A Milledgeville Bathroom With Ben Roethlisberger
I secretly hoped that the always entertaining, exclamatory MediaTakeOut would have something dopey to add to the sexual assault allegations against Big Ben and good googly moogly did they ever....

Calling All Models Who Bartend: Ryan Braun Would Like To Hire You STAT
The Brewers' left fielder also has entrepreneurial moxie: First, it was his stunning Ream Tee fashion line; now it's his new restaurant which is looking for "models that are bartenders" to fill his "starting line up." 275 fist explosions. [B&C]...

Brazilian Indoor Soccer Player Dies In Just About The Most Horrific Fashion Imaginable
A 23-year old Brazilian indoor soccer player, Robson Rocha Costa, died Sunday after sustaining injuries in a match. A piece of floor plank pierced his thigh and went into his intestine....

Should Connecticut Women's Basketball Be Disbanded?
The UConn women's basketball team has won 71 games in a row, breaking a record set by....UConn, seven years ago. If they keep winning like this, soon even people who care about women's basketball won't care about women's basketball anymore....

Great Moments In Public Urination Journalism
Villanova's junior guard Corey Stokes got busted for peeing in public, occasioning this line: "Stokes was urinating between two parked cars at about 3 a.m. while surrounded by several teammates." Jay Wright should be proud. That's real teamwork. [ZagsBlog]...

At Yankee Stadium, Boxing Beats Bar Mitzvah
Boxing will make a triumphant return to Yankee Stadium, with a junior middleweight title fight pitting Yuri Foreman against Miguel Cotto. But it'll come at the expense of young Scott Ballan, who may never become a man....

Don't Celebrate Just Yet: Brilliant Strategy Tainted Win, Says Football Genius
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Last Night's Winner: Ankle Doctors
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like our nation's orthopedic specialists, who now hold the entire world in their hands like a big blue swollen ankle....

Take A Gander At Brett Favre's Disgusting Bruises
Bus Cook is emailing photos of Brett's black and blue parts to prove how banged up he was. Favre himself won't use it as an excuse for that interception, but don't worry....someone took care of that for him. [Jackson Clarion-Ledger]...

Lance Broadway and Gerald Laird Would Make An Excellent Battery
Major league journeymen sure are punchy this offseason. Former White Sox/Met and current Blue Jay minor leaguer Lance Broadway is being sued for rearranging a man's face at a New Year's Eve party in Dallas. While shirtless, of course....

Marlins Find Hope In Long-Cancelled Star Trek Ripoff
In a 1993 episode of the surprisingly well-remembered show Seaquest DSV, Jonathan Brandis's character wears a Marlins 2010 World Champions jersey. Also, it predicted that talking dolphin would be sponsored by Sun Life. [Wezen-Ball]...