uri Page 92 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?
Ah, the penis. That most comical and vulnerable of body parts. It was a bad year for all of us, but for the approximately 1.2 billionth year in a row since the emergence of sexual differentiation, it was a particularly rough year for groins. This selection of real, horrible injuries proves that Murp...
Well, We Know Who Manchester United Fans Want Managing Their Team
Be careful what you wish for ......
Jason Peters Pulled Himself Out Of Eagles Loss To Avoid Risk Of Injury
The Philadelphia Eagles needed to beat Washington at home last night to stay in playoff contention. They did not, despite Kirk Cousins briefly forgetting how to play football, and they’re now certain to finish the season below .500 for the first time in Chip Kelly’s tenure. Obviously, the Eagles wer...
Add Dan Uggla To The List Of Hoverboard-Related Injuries
Free agent Dan Uggla and his kids got some hoverboards for Christmas. Like many others who found the death machines under their trees yesterday, Uggla busted his ass on it:...
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?
It’s Christmas Day, and you know what that means: time to plumb the depths of the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits. We’re looking for the weirdest, least explicable, and most awkward objects that America has shoved inside its various holes. God bless us, ev...
Drew Brees Tore A Ligament In His Foot And Should Probably Call It A Season
ESPN reports that Saints quarterback Drew Brees suffered a torn plantar fascia in his right foot during Monday’s 35-27 loss to the Lions. Sean Payton says he’s day-to-day, and Brees reportedly wants to play in the final two games of the year, but that would be stupid....
Dennis Schröder Gets Tooth Knocked Out, Puts It In His Sock
Atlanta Hawks guard Dennis Schröder was down a veneer after he ran into the knee of the Trail Blazers’ Meyers Leonard in Monday night’s game. Schröder made sure that he didn’t misplace the departed piece of his tooth by putting it in his sock....
Wow, Chelsea's Players Really Hated Mourinho, Didn't They?
An ESPN FC postmortem published shortly after José Mourinho finally paid for Chelsea’s debacle of a season with his job included a telling anecdote about the manager’s suspicions of a silent mutiny on the part of his players. In the locker room after the 1-0 loss to Bournemouth, an exasperated Mouri...
Jason Day's Wife Leaves Arena On Stretcher After LeBron Crashes Into Her
While chasing a loose ball late in the fourth quarter of the Cavaliers’ game against the Thunder, LeBron James absolutely crushed a fan sitting in the front row. The woman is Ellie Day, the wife of golfer Jason Day....
Chelsea Conveniently Pile Blame For Their Disastrous Season All On Mourinho
While no one could seriously argue that José Mourinho didn’t earn today’s firing because of his team’s god-awful performances this season, it would be similarly disingenuous to paint the coach himself as the sole cause of this inexplicable confluence of events. The club’s technical director, natural...
Goodbye To José Mourinho, Who Gave Us So Many Hilarious Memories
It wasn’t long enough, Mourinho. Sure, some could’ve maybe predicted your third season with Chelsea would go the way of your previous third seasons and end in acrimony and disillusionment, but no one could’ve foreseen this....
Report: Chelsea Have Fired José Mourinho
It actually happened. According to the BBC’s Dan Roan, Chelsea have told manager José Mourinho that he has been fired:...
Everyone's Very Chill About This Rugby Lady's Grotesquely Dislocated Finger
Today’s edition of Rugby Is Fuckin’ Crazy, Man, comes to us from a women’s league match between Oxford and Cambridge. ...
José Mourinho Brash, Brutally Honest In Interview After Yet Another Chelsea Loss
All José Mourinho knows about Chelsea’s completely baffling, stunningly terrible season is that it’s not his fault. The bad times rolled on today when league-leading (!!!!!) Leicester City came in and smashed up on the reigning champions, who currently sit one point above the relegation zone (!!!!!)...
Andy Dalton May Not Be Done
The Bengals have gotten relatively good news regarding QB Andy Dalton’s fractured right thumb: it won’t require surgery, so he’s not automatically out for the season. But Cincinnati won’t know when he’ll be ready until he is....
Report: Robert Nkemdiche Fell From A 4th-Story Hotel Window In Atlanta (UPDATE)
Probable top-five NFL draft pick and Ole Miss star Robert Nkemdiche reportedly fell from the 4th floor of a building, and suffered “multiple cuts” according to Cody Chaffins of Fox 5 Sports:...
Andy Dalton Knocked Out Of Game With Thumb Injury
Andy Dalton hurt his thumb throwing an interception down in the red zone today on the above play. He will not return to the game....
Sikh Fans Refused Entry To Chargers Stadium Because Of Their Turbans
The Broncos kicked the shit out of the Chargers last week in San Diego. As always, plenty of Broncos fans showed up to laugh at Philip Rivers, but a few fans almost didn’t make it in because stadium security was scared of their turbans. 10News San Diego caught up with Verinder Malhi, one of the men ...
![Did J.J. Watt Break His Hand While Jerking Off? [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/yoirjit7aqy9hvk2wwzo.jpg)
Did J.J. Watt Break His Hand While Jerking Off? [Update]
Texans defensive end J.J. Watt showed up with a cast on his hand today, and didn’t practice. Watt said he broke his hand, but that the injury won’t keep him out of Sunday’s game against the Patriots. How’d that happen?...
Cops: Lehigh Football Players Broke Into (Wrong) House, Beat Up Resident, Peed In Refrigerator
Seven members of the Lehigh University football team have been charged with various things ranging from trespass to assault, after police say they broke into an off-campus house and pummeled one resident in an attempted revenge attack for an earlier assault on one player’s fraternity president. It w...