w Page 2845 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Skins Are About To Officially Lose Another Bullcrap Attendance Streak

The news in this Washington Post report is less that the Skins will fail to sell out their home opener against the Colts Sunday—their streak of sellouts has been illegitimate garbage for literally years—and more that the Skins have reached such a state of desperation that they’re finally revealing, ...

Nats Rookie Spits Out Tooth, Socks First Career Dinger [Update]

A strange thing happened in the top of the fifth inning of the first game of today’s Nationals-Phillies doubleheader. Nationals’ rookie catcher Spencer Kieboom spit out a tooth (or possibly a chunk of tooth?) on his way to the plate for his second at-bat of the day....

Steve Yzerman Is Leaving Tampa And Hell Yeah Motherfucker He Is Definitely Coming To Detroit

Mission accomplished! Mark it the hell down. Steve Yzerman is finally coming back home to Detroit to save the godforsaken Red Wings. At least, that’s the only logical conclusion one can draw from today’s news:...

Never Forget Dan Snyder's "Fifth Anniversary Of 9/11" Skins Caps

Today marks the 12th anniversary of Dan Snyder selling five-year anniversary 9/11 memorabilia for profit....

Breaking: The Charles E. Smith Center Jumbotron

Dear the small person doing the surrender cobra near the precariously tilted chunk of Jumbotron: It’s going to be okay....

Seize The Means Of Completions

Pitt Assistant Coach Says He Hasn't Left His Office Since Losing To Penn State, Prefers Flat Soda

Penn State trounced Pitt 51-6 last weekend, and nobody is taking that loss harder than Panthers tight ends coach Tim Salem. Fueled by a steady diet of carbonation-free, ice-cold chartreuse soda, Salem has spent the last few days in his office grinding non-stop. He hasn’t really slept at all, presuma...

<i>Pardon The Interruption</i> Needs To Die

Before we get into the Funbag, I just wanna remind you that the Deadcast is gonna be LIVE in Chicago on Monday night. Go here for all the relevant info and then come get sloppy with us as we yammer on stage and then watch the Bears lose in sickening fashion once more....

Hypothetical Grievances Presented By An Australian Newspaper To Defend Its Big-Lipped Serena Williams Cartoon, Ranked<em></em>

To riff on Serena Williams’s spat with umpire Carlos Ramos in the U.S. Open final, the Melbourne Herald Sun published an illustration of the tennis player, drawn by editorial cartoonist Mark Knight, which has since been met with international disgust. Today, like any normal newspaper, the Herald Sun...

So It's Come To This: An Ottawa Senators Blog

It is insane to me that we are only a year removed from the Senators coming within a game of the Stanley Cup Final. It is insane to me that so much has happened between then and now, including this and this but mostly the team’s threats to leave Ottawa and the team’s simmering contract beef with all...

Sam Darnold Fills The NFL's Poise-Shaped Hole

It was a mere nine years ago that a rookie Jets quarterback was so awe-inspiring in how he didn’t screw up that observers were only able to describe him with one word: poise. Well, Mark Sanchez now has a true heir. In last night’s season opener, first-year Jets QB Sam Darnold went 16-for-21 with 198...

What Football Needs To Be Entertaining To Me, A Non-Football Watcher

This week, Deadspin and Jezebel swap beats to celebrate America’s most dangerous and controversial pastimes: football and fashion, two sports that have far more in common than you think....

Jon Gruden Says He'll "Look At The Reasons Why" The Raiders Had No Pass Rush

The Raiders actually looked feisty in the first half of their season-opener against the Rams last night. There were sparks of creativity on offense, a vintage Beast Mode touchdown, and a 13-10 halftime lead to mark head coach Jon Gruden’s return to the NFL. Everything fell apart in the second half, ...

I Dressed Like Bill Belichick For A Day In Hopes Of Learning What It Feels Like to Win

This week, Deadspin and Jezebel swap beats to celebrate America’s most dangerous and controversial pastimes: football and fashion, two sports that have far more in common than you think....

The Jets Say They Knew Everything The Lions Were Going To Run

After a true and prodigious walloping of the Lions, the Jets defense said they knew exactly what was coming. And while that’s the sort of thing defenses like to say, there were plays in Monday night’s 48-17 chucklefest that didn’t look like they could’ve happened any other way....

Philly's Grounds Crew Uses Flamethrowers To Dry Wet Field, HAS FLAMETHROWERS

Monday night’s scheduled Nationals-Phillies game was postponed when the Philadelphia grounds crew couldn’t get the field ready for play, despite there being no significant rain at game-time. The issue, it turns out, came down to heavier than expected rain over the weekend, or possibly a miscalculati...

Marshawn Lynch Puts Both Teams On His Back For The First Touchdown Of The Gruden Era

The soon-to-be Las Vegas Raiders are getting it done early in Oakland thanks to one of the strongest feats of human strength ever seen on a football field. Marshawn Lynch showed he still had some “Beast Mode” left in the tank when he dragged almost the entirety of the Rams’ defense, and a couple of ...

The Lions Should Probably Never Play Like That Ever Again

It was a terrible, awful, no good and very bad day for Detroit’s two Matts—Stafford and Patricia—in the Lions’ Monday night season opener against the Jets. Stafford threw four terrible interceptions and finished with a quarterback rating of 47.9, and his shit sandwich of an evening was topped by a p...

The NFL Admits Refs Blew It On Myles Garrett's Bogus Roughing The Passer Call

Myles Garrett was hit with a dubious roughing the passer call Sunday afternoon, for the crime of allowing his momentum to carry him onto Ben Roethlisberger after a hit. The flag, which came on a third-down incompletion, kept Pittsburgh’s drive alive, and exactly one play later the Steelers found the...

Kenny Golladay Might Not Be Playing In His Best Position

The powerful, yet errant, arm of Matthew Stafford certainly must make life as a Lions receiver a bit more difficult than it has to be. You’ll either get a well-placed ball on a deep route, or see the ball sail over your head when your route is anything under 15 yards. To deal with his quarterback’s ...