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Halo Above Joe Paterno's Head Removed From Famous Penn State Mural
The folks over at Onward State have the news on this one, as earlier today the artist responsible for the famed mural on Heister Street removed the halo above Joe Paterno's head. ...

Pro Golfer Misses Cut, Vows To Have Sex With Wife
Kris Blanks is the 201st ranked player in the world and 121st in the FedEx Cup. On Thursday and Friday, Blanks participated in the John Deere Classic in Silvis, Illinois. He will not be playing today or tomorrow because he missed the cut by one measly stroke....

Joe Paterno Negotiated A $3 Million Ejector Seat After He Was Subpoenaed For Sandusky Grand Jury
Remember when the heroic, did-what-he-was-supposed-to-do coach Joe Paterno valiantly fell on his sword in November, and told the Penn State board of trustees that there was no need to fire him, he would resign at the end of the year? A bold move by a proud man, right? Like much of what we once knew ...

Presenting One Of History's Great Walks Of Shame
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

American Baby Names Are Somehow Getting Even Worse
My wife has a subscription to Parents magazine, and the fun thing about Parents magazine is that every issue is virtually identical. Whether you pick up the June 2008 issue or the March 2012 issue, you're still getting all the same shit, including items like "567 fun knitting crafts to help stave of...

The U.S. Olympic Uniforms Are Socialist Propaganda, According To Pro-American Internet Commenters
Welcome to another installment of the Fox Nation commenter essays. Please prepare yourself for lots of caps lock....

Angler's Worst Nightmare Comes True As "Big-Ass Shark" Steals The Fish Right Off Her Hook
I was thinking this morning that we really don't cover fishing enough here at Deadspin, and sure enough CBS blogger Will Brinson tweeted out a link to this video that's pretty much perfect....

The Moral Of This Fight Video, According To A Dead Milkman: "Rastas Can Be Pretty Badass When The Need Arises"
Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fisticuffs: "Rastafarian War (Real Hot Head Rasta)," brought to you by "Jamaican War heads." Tonight's commentator: Back for an unprecedented third video-review slot: Rodney Anonym...

The Deadspin Guide To Mutual Oral Copulation
I took my kids to the pool when I was on vacation last week, and at the end of our day splashing around I dragged my son into the locker room to shower him and change him. So he sits down and starts taking off his bathing suit, and when he stands back up, I hear this big THUD on the bathroom floor. ...

How Michael Jordan And Nike Teamed Up To Conquer The World
It's easy to forget that there was once a time when Michael Jordan wasn't considered the greatest basketball player ever. But Jack McCallum remembers that time, and describes it (and how Jordan changed things) here, in an excerpt from his new book Dream Team, which we wrote about two weeks ago. The ...

Yankees Punish Reggie Jackson For Reasonable Comments
Reggie Jackson got the SI treatment last week, and as so often happens with these things, 3800 words worth of profile have been discarded and distilled into two measly quotes, ever-so-slightly controversial. And now, allergic to anything resembling a deviation from a murderously boring and marketabl...

Guy Sues Strip Club For Billing $50,000 To His Credit Card
Lokesh Simon James went to the Bliss Cabaret in Clearwater, Fla., one night in March. He estimates having spent $600 in three hours. His credit card bill later indicated he rang up $50,000, and because James admits he was at the club on the night in question, his credit card company refuses to count...

A Nine-Year-Old Bet That Roger Federer Would Win Seven Wimbledons Just Paid Off For A Dead Gambler's Favorite Charity
Way back in 2003, the year Roger Federer won his first Grand Slam event at All England, a shut-in named Nick Newlife wrote to bookmaker William Hill, asking what kind of odds he could get on the young Swiss to win seven Wimbledon titles by 2019. It was a "unique" bet, one not even the legendarily fu...

Fans, Players, And Broadcasters Alike Freaked Out When Lightning Struck Rangers Ballpark In Arlington
Mother Nature dropped by Rangers Ballpark unannounced last evening, unleashing a thunderclap at the Rangers-Twins game that evacuated the bowels of all in attendance. Twins outfielder Denard Span claimed "That's the loudest noise I've ever heard. I thought Jesus was comin!" on his Twitter account, ...
![Ford C. Frick Award-Winner Tim McCarver Mocked A Cancer Charity During Tonight's Broadcast [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Ford C. Frick Award-Winner Tim McCarver Mocked A Cancer Charity During Tonight's Broadcast [UPDATE]
Locks Of Love is a charity that makes wigs out of donated hair for children who have lost theirs due to cancer treatments or other medical reasons. Most people are familiar with Locks Of Love, for whom well-known hirsute people often go shorn in the name of charity and good faith....

Carl Crawford Called Racial Slur, <i>Boston Globe</i> Quotes Urban Dictionary
Carl Crawford suffered a "a mild left groin strain" hustling for a triple during a minor league rehab game. He will resume his rehab stint after at least five days. It's a bummer for Crawford and the Red Sox, but it may be a welcome respite as New England residents perpetuate stereotypes....

Watch Eric Gordon Slowly Back Away From Reporters While Giving World's Most Awkward Interview
Yesterday we told you about poor Eric Gordon's desperate quest to get out of New Orleans, despite the fact that the Hornets will almost certainly match the Phoenix Suns' four-year, $58 million offer sheet....

Eric Gordon Really, Really Wants Out Of New Orleans
The Hornets guard is in Las Vegas, vying for a spot on the Olympic team, and he's telling anyone who will listen just how much he'd rather play in Phoenix than New Orleans. Coincidentally, he just agreed to a four-year, $58 million offer sheet with the Suns!...

Compared To Boston, Chicago Media Is Paradise For Kevin Youkilis
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Youk only says that because he's not a Cub....

That Yankees Cologne Is Apparently A Huge Hit
Remember the Yankees cologne? The one that our fragrance experts described as a "the Justin Bieber of scents?" The one that they also complained was far too expensive. It's a hit. Per Sports Business Daily:...