The Poor Astros Will Be Sent To Slaughter On Baseball's Opening Night

MLB just announced which two teams will be facing off in the first game of the 2013 season, and the matchup is a curious one. On one side there are the Texas Rangers, a team that has proven itself to be one of the most exciting and watchable squads in baseball over the course of the last three seasons. And on the other side there are the Houston Astros, an utterly miserable baseball team. With a record of 55-107, the Astros owned the worst record in the major leagues last year. They were also responsible for this atrocity:

And now they are being asked to kick off the 2013 season against one of the best teams in baseball in a nationally televised game. In other words, it sucks to be the Astros.

MLB is clearly trying to inject life into a possible Astros-Rangers rivalry, which is now possible with the Astros moving to the American League, but a rivalry only works if both teams are good, or at least something close to a functioning major league franchise. We wish the Astros players the best of luck. May their public humiliation be carried out as swiftly as possible.