The Story About The Russian Dying Over The Botched Olympic Ring Is Fake

This post isn't necessary for all of you. Some of you have been around on the internet long enough to know that the Daily Currant is a satirical news site. For the rest of the crowd, though: Stop sharing that dumb Olympics article around. It isn't real.

Remember the Opening Ceremony screwup, when one of the rings on the Olympic logo didn't open up all the way? Pretty funny. Jokes were cracked about how someone would be paying for that, since the easy laugh is that austere Russian president Vladimir Putin shouldn't be crossed.

Anyway, someone at the Daily Currant thought, "Let's poke fun at this in a satirical way," but they didn't go quite far enough. The result, titled "Man Responsible For Olympic Ring Mishap Found Dead In Sochi," was stuck in that weird middle ground between a legitimate report and clear joke. It fooled multiple Deadspin readers. And yes, though internet veterans can recognize bullshit, less-frequent users who aren't that familiar with the site would be horrified by this quote:

"Sure there were stab wounds and bruises all over the body," admits the lead investigator on the case, "But who knows what caused them. Maybe he tripped and fell on a set of knives. Right now we're ruling this an accidental death.

"It's terrible when accidents like this happen. But then again, maybe Mr. Avdeyev should have thought twice before he screwed up the Olympics. Accidents tend to happen to people who betray Russia."

Get it? Because Russia.

As contrast, look at an Onion article about a similar topic: "Russian Officials Promise Low Death Toll For Olympics." The overwhelming majority of functioning adults could tell this isn't serious by the over-the-top headline. (Of course, you'll never please everyone.)

So, sure, maybe the person responsible for the Olympic Rings mishap has vanished, but we wouldn't know, because that story certainly wasn't broken by the Daily Currant. They are to satire like dog crap is to food.