Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

What to watch as you suddenly notice that it smells like the Lord in here ...
• College women's basketball: NCAA tournament, championship game, Rutgers vs. Tennessee, at Cleveland. Ah, now for the main event. [ESPN]
• NHL: Buffalo at Pittsburgh. Blades of Glory. [Versus]
• Soccer: UEFA Champions League, playoffs, quarterfinal, AC Milan vs. FC Bayern Munich, at Milan, Italy. Please do not reveal the exciting conclusion of AC Milan vs. FC Bayern Munich. [ESPN Classic]
• Movie: The Karate Kid. Man who catch fly with chopstick accomplish anything. [ABCFam]

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