Warmths, Ranked 

When it’s winter and cold outside and, say, your office is an uninsulated block of freezing concrete, you and your colleagues might spend a lot of time haggling over space heaters, thinking about warmth. There are many different warmths; here they are, ranked from best to worst.

Sun on your skin warmth

Fireplace warmth

Hot bath warmth

Just off a flight arriving in Miami warmth

Smothering yourself in clothes fresh from the dryer warmth

Steam room warmth

Space heater warmth

Smooching your sweetie warmth

Under a blankie warmth

Putting your cold feet on your sweetie warmth

Sauna warmth

Cupping a hot beverage warmth

Hot oven warmth

Opening the dishwasher right after the cycle ends warmth

The warmth of a running internal combustion engine as a car passes over your crumpled form

Those stinky little hand warmers in your pocket warmth