Your NFL Early Games Open Thread

Hey, welcome back. Thanks for joining us for a full day of football open threading. First, the 1 p.m. games. Entertain yourself and others down below.

Kansas City at Detroit (CBS): This game has Randy Cross written all over it. If you guys think Gruden is bad with all the "THIS guy" stuff, check this putz out. For all you panicky Chiefs fans, Haley's got the sitch under control: look to Ray Lucas's coming on the first light of the fifth day.

Oakland at Buffalo (CBS): THIS game. Oh man, thank the lord for this game. Do you know what's going to happen because of this game? It will all be over for Chris Berman. His head will burst into millions of little pieces as it races through the Rolodex of shtick available for this game.

Tampa Bay at Minnesota (FOX): If McNabb can get Josh Freeman to go along with the whole "throw for as many yards as you are years old" routine, the Vikes might just have a chance. Tampa Bay is on the road so, the P.R. department gets a bit of breather this week.

Chicago at New Orleans (FOX): Here's your annoyingly over-hyped coordinators matchup. And here's a fun drinking game: Count how many times either Martz or Williams is referred to as a "Mad Scientist" as you drink while watching the game.

Baltimore at Tennessee (CBS): We ran this game through our Fictional Character Associated With the Region Game Simulator 10,000 times and Tennessee won every single time. To be fair, McNulty was always hammered, allowing Henry Drummond to basically inherit the wins.

Cleveland at Indianapolis (CBS): Here's another fun drinking game: Drink every time someone mentions that Dwight Freeney either "invented" or "patented" the spin move. Then, drink if anyone makes a "the Browns have their Peyton" pun. Then, drink—just drink a lot. This game stinks.

Jacksonville at New York Jets (CBS): Some receiver on the Jags no one's ever heard of said Darelle Revis is overrated because he's good and he's famous. Both Revis and this unknown receiver have been playing for the same amount of time, too, so ... overrated.

Seattle at Pittsburgh (FOX): Did you guys know that noted former USC coach Pete Carroll coached noted former USC player Troy Polamalu? What's more, did you know that as his coach he helped shape Polamalu into the player he is now?!

Arizona at Washington (FOX): This game brought to you by the Children's Television Workshop and the color red.

Green Bay at Carolina (FOX): Cam Newton's first home game for the Panthers shapes up as a high-scoring, old-fashioned shootout. The crowd will be pumped up to see their young star repeat his fast start and take down the reigning Super Bowl champs. He will lose 13-7.

Via The 506. CBS:

FOX (Late game in green):