Zack Greinke: "Let Me Go Home!"

The truly amazing folks at Yard Work — an anonymous blog that's written in the voices of ESPN writers and "personalities" — are having a grand time playing around with ESPN.com's new "writing" gig for A's closer Huston Street. Yard Work imagines a continuous column written by Royals starter Zack Greinke. Highlights:

APRIL 7: Ouch! A Detroit Tiger hit me on the arm with a ball! It hurt a lot! Still, I wanted to stay out there and "be a man" like Mike Sweeney but Coach told me he wanted me to come out. I felt bad because I let my teammates down but Coach said it was OK because things happen and you can only do what you can and we will get them next time. We lost but that was OK. Coach took me to McDonalds with his best lady friend! I got a Big Mac a large fry a large Coke (yum!) and an Apple Pie too. Pop always makes me eat veggie tables and fiber so this was lots of fun! I was full! Coach's friend was really nice but when I asked where Mrs. Coach was Coach did not say anything and bought me another Apple Pie. I always have room for Apple Pie! Thanks Coach!

MAY 31: I got a win! I got a win! Against the Yankees! They are the best baseball team of all time! And I beat them! That is great! Especially for our team because we lost six in a row after we won our first game after Coach left. New Coach is OK. He is very different from Coach. He spits a lot more. And he does not talk funny. He is kind of dull. I heard from some people that he is really not a good Coach and his teams do not do well. But I heard from some people on the team that he is a very good Coach so I hope he can teach us how to win. I heard he coached in Colorado. That must be hard to do! But New Coach is not Coach so he is OK. And I got a win! I won eight times last year. Maybe I can beat that this year!

June 21: I can not talk to Pop on the phone to take me home because he is busy talking to companies about shoes and sports drinks and fungus powder and things that he says will make me lots of money but I do not care about money. Pop answer the phone. Please answer the phone Pop. I want to go home.

Diary Of Zack Greinke [Yard Work] Street Talk [ESPN.com]