A President You Can Drink Bleach With

This seems a good moment to revisit “He seems like he’d be a good guy to have a beer with,” the shorthand explanation for the rank anti-intellectualism that put George W. Bush in the White House 17 years ago and later flowered, in our somehow even dumber present, into “Uh actually stupid idiots are good” and made Donald Trump, a boiled bologna condom stuffed with Viagra, the most powerful person in the world.

The first and most obvious problem with this is that it’s an asinine basis for filling the most demanding job on Earth. As we have seen. But the other problem with it is, it’s wrong!

Dolts are not good for having a beer with. Dolts are boring. Have you ever had a beer with a dolt? Dolts have nothing of interest to say. That is why they are dolts. They are dolts because their brains are full of oatmeal.

You know who’s good for having a beer with? Smart people. Smart people are good for having some beer. Especially if they’re a little bit smarter than you but don’t make a big deal out of it. They’re funny and thoughtful and they say things you would not have predicted they would say. You have a beer with a smart person and it’s fun.

This is what I thought about while our newly elected president was puking down the front of his shirt and going HURR NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST IS BAD in a press conference this afternoon. Thank you.