MLB Page 1272 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
If Lenny Dykstra Asks You To Leave Somewhere And Go With Him, You Probably Shouldn't Do It
Giving Doc Gooden bad advice is like buying the Pope a crucifix: he's received more than his fair share over the years, and probably doesn't need any more. So we're glad he ignored Dykstra's efforts to bust him out of "Celebrity Rehab." [CBS]...
MLB Will Probably Ask Us To Remove That George W. Bush Foul Ball Video, So Here's A Shitty Drawing I Made
You can watch it here, for now, but I think my drawing better conveys the emotional truth of the moment. Hope you like it....
Secret Service Can't Protect George W. Bush From Foul Ball
They'll take a bullet for the former president, but they can't save him from a lazy foul pop into the box seats in Arlington. Neither could A.J. Pierzynski:...
UPDATE: Oddibe McDowell's Water Bill Is $116.80 This Month, But He Has A Credit
Via Broward County Water and Wastewater Services....
Mets Owner: Mets Suck
There's a lot of chatter today about some choice Fred Wilpon quotes in this week's New Yorker that find the Mets owner trashing his team the way, oh, everyone else does. Seriously — he sounds like Joe from Farmingdale, dialing into WFAN an hour after last call. And damned if there isn't a part of me...
A Statistical Analysis Of "Macho Man" Randy Savage's Halfway Decent Professional Baseball Career
Randy Poffo spent four season in the minors, playing in the Cardinals and Reds systems, and never rising above Single-A ball. He put down his bat for good in 1975 and picked up a steel chair and became known to the world as Randy Savage, his brief and unremarkable baseball career amounting to nothin...
In Making A Video About An Annoying Giants Fan, Dodgers Fan Proves To Be Equally Annoying
In the pro column, there's no violence in this "Behold, the world's most annoying Giants fan" video....
A Streaker Did "A Floppy Dance" At Wrigley Field Sun Life Stadium During Last Night's Cubs Game
In the fifth inning of yesterday's Cubs/Marlins game, some dude decided to leave his clothes in the stands when he ran onto the field. Hey Chicago, whatdaya say, the Cubs ended up winning anyway....
George H.W. Bush Quiets Any Excitement Anyone Was Able To Muster For MLB All-Star Game
This may also mark the first time in H.W.'s 86 years on earth that he has uttered the phrase "dot-com." Go, Astros....
Bar Discounted Beer Every Time The Pirates Lost; Team Bullies Them Into Ending Promotion
The Pirates have done a lot of losing in recent years, and presumably, the franchise's comical ineptness has pushed people in Pittsburgh toward cheap swill during the summer months, when Jasons Kendall and Bay would supplant Crosby and Roethlisberger as the town's superstars....
"We're On A Fucking Roll, Dude": The 1993 Profile Of Lenny Dykstra That Warned Us What Was Coming
Originally published as "Lips Gets Smacked" in the January 1993 issue of Philadelphia Magazine and later anthologized in The Best American Sports Writing 1994. Reprinted here with the author's permission and his addendum at bottom....
Joe Girardi Explains Growing Old Together To Jorge Posada While His Mistress Bats Leadoff
A play, courtesy of the New York Yankees, in six vexing acts:...
Here's Video Of A Field-Hopping Fan Eluding Astros Security
What's being dubbed "The Great Fan Escape" went down in the bottom of the ninth inning as Houston Astro Carlos Lee was trying to tie the game against the Mets. Both Lee and on-field security charged with keeping the Minute Maid Park field invader-free failed to do so....
The Grizzlies Were Prince To The Thunder's Morris Day Last Night
Your morning roundup for May 14, the day after a homeless Bulgarian man beheaded an elderly British woman in a Spanish supermarket, walked away "clutching the head by its hair, leaving a trail of blood dripping to the ground," but got caught after an Italian motorcyclist threw a helmet at his face....
Kyle Lohse Impersonates Tony La Russa (And All The Shingles Headlines We Opted Against Using)
• Kyle Lohse Was Just Missing A Shingle Thing In Today's Tony La Russa Impersonation • Kyle Lohse Shingles Out La Russa For Impersonation • Kyle Lohse Puts The Final Shingle On His La Russa Impersonation • Shingle File: Today In Tony La Russa Impersonations • Living Shingle: Kyle Lohse Does Tony L...
How Bartolo Colon's Fat Ass Resurrected His Career
A Dominican medical team designed a rejuvenation treatment, in which they'd inject stem cells into the pitching arm, for Pedro Martinez. He turned them down. Bartolo Colon didn't....
Here's Video Of LeBron James And Delonte West Sharing A Brief But Loving Embrace Last Night
Your morning roundup for May 12, the day old coot Yogi Berra will come up with something witty to say about turning 82, even though he's only 81....
Rockies Grounds Crew Member Trapped Under Tarp, No One Notices
Last night, just three weeks after the Royals grounds crew nearly lost one to the tarp, the rain delay at the Mets-Rockies game carved a new swathe of destruction at Coors Field. There were no men lost; only a hero made....
Time For Yet Another Team To Roll The Dice With Milton Bradley
Oh god, that's awful, I'm sorry. Let's try this again....
The <em>New York Times</em> Pushes Up Its Glasses, Issues Nerdiest Correction Ever
I'll just let the Times explain:...