Big Dope Loses All His Cowboys Stuff. Poor, Dumb Sap

You hate to see anyone become the victim of a burglary, but at the same time it's hard to feel any sympathy for Bruce Marziani. Bruce was born and raised in Philadelphia, but is a Dallas Cowboys fan, as you can see. And when he traveled to Irving for the big Monday Night showdown with the Eagles, he brought with him a bunch of valuable Cowboys memorabilia, hoping to get signatures. But things then took a tragic turn. Marziani left his Cowboys stuff in his hotel room when he went to the game, and while he was gone someone broke in and swiped it. Among the lost items: a helmet signed by Troy Aikman worth, he said, $900, and a 75th anniversary official NFL Cowboy game autographed program that he said that was worth nearly $700. But if I'm going to generate any sympathy at all, I'm going to need to know how be became a Cowboys fan. Was it his parents' fault?

Bruce Marziani was born and raised in Philadelphia, but, for some reason, roots for the Dallas Cowboys. "When I was just a young guy, my parents came home with an Eagles jacket for me. I don't remember if it was for my birthday or for Christmas, but I made sure to let them know that one was going back. We were going to do things the right way," recounted Marziani.

Nope. It appears that Marizani is just one of nature's mistakes, like the elephant man, or Jay Mariotti. And while he may not be smart enough to know that one should lock valuables in the hotel safe when not in the room, he's also smart enough to know not to go to an Eagles' home game in that jersey. UPDATE: "This has Tatum Bell written all over it." — I Heart Poop $3 K In Sports Memorabilia Stolen From Local Cowboys Fan [MyFoxPhiladelphia]