Football Page 1746 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
NFL Roundup: Orton Should Be Getting To Bed Right About ... Now
• So we actually stayed up and watched the full scale of the Bears' dismantling of the defending NFC champions last night, and we're pretty sure nobody's going to beat Chicago for quite a while. It actually hurt us to watch them hurt the Seahawks; everyone looked bigger, stronger, faster, meaner. ...
NFL Week Four, Update #4
• New England just ass-romped the Bengals. This was not something I had anticipated. The Patriots offense was struggling, their secondary was hurting, and I thought Carson Palmer and the Bengals wide receivers would take advantage. 'Twas not the case. Laurence Maroney gashed them all day, Corey Di...
John L. Smith Knows What You're Thinking
And he's acting accordingly:...
NFL Week Four, Update #3
• The Raiders are confusing me. Maybe it's just because they're playing the Browns, but they're rolling. They got a touchdown from some damn linebacker who ran for a touchdown after Rueben Droughns politely handed him the football. And Lamont Jordan, who I actually thought passed away in the offse...
NFL Week Four, Update #2
• The Jets damn near pulled off the greatest play in the history of sports. It was one of those, "Hey, let's keep lateralling the ball and see what happens" deals that always ends in miserable failure, but this one last about seven minutes and made a hell of a lot of progress before finally peteri...
NFL Week Four, Update #1
• Drew Bledsoe and Terry Glenn have hooked up for two touchdowns, sending the message to Terrell Owens, "You know, we'd be fine if you did kill yourself. Owens himself has caught 3 balls for 73 yards, though he did drop a pass in the endzone. Kim Etheridge ran immediately onto the field and claime...
NFL Week Four Preview: Hello, Young Man
• Cowboys @ Titans. In one game, we've got the NFL starting debut of Vince Young, and the possible appearance of a guy who may or may have made an effort to feel the sweet release of death earlier in the week. How much more could you possibly need? When the Titans made the announcement, I wonder if ...
Taking Down The Field Goal Posts: Outcoached By Ron Zook
• Illinois 23, Michigan State 20. It doesn't say much for the day of college football when the biggest stories of the day were a couple of close calls, and the upset of an unranked team. Illinois stole the show yesterday, knocking off Michigan State by a score of 23-20, notching their first Big Ten ...
For Your Sunday Afternoon Viewing Pleasure...
First, your NFL Scoreboard....
Hugh Johnson Project, Update 4
"Did NBC just say that Brady Quinn shaves his whole body? He's more woman than his transexual brother." - deadringer...
Hugh Johnson Project, Update 3
"They just showed Dexter Manley Jr.'s name on the screen. Must have been a proud moment for Papa Manley, too bad it looked like DJHBVJ MTAGIV." - TacoBellManager...
Hugh Johnson Project, Update 2
"Do you ever suspect the signs behind the GameDay crew are longer and better thought out than any paper those kids ever submitted?" - Tuffy Rhodes...
Hugh Johnson Project, Update 1
A sign at College Game Day: "LOU HOLTZ FOR PRETHIDENT." Way to make fun a man's lisp. Stay classy Iowa. - EPS...
Pucker, Pucker, Pucker
When I first downloaded this clip and started to listen to it, I saw that it was over 15 minutes long, and I thought, "Eh, it's probably not worth it." And for a couple of minutes, it wasn't. And then this guy Michigan State radio guy begins the slow rapid descent into madness....
And It's Like Nothing Ever Happened ... Presto!
So, now that the 9-1-1 call from publicist extraordinare Kim Etheredge has been made public and now that the police have ruled the incident an "accidental overdose," well, everything's back to normal now, right?...
Clinton Portis Hangs Up The Wacky Glasses
There's a reason that you must wait five years until after your career is over to be elected to most professional sports Halls of Fame; it looks strange to have a Hall of Famer out there running around like everybody else. It seems beneath them, somehow....
![Hey, Did Somebody [Cramp] In Here?](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18f47w4gdsv3vjpg.jpg)
Hey, Did Somebody [Cramp] In Here?
Just to make sure we remain the gutter-obsessed sewer rats we are, it's time for some fart humor....
Still Wading In The T.O. Morass
You know, it's strange how, after the frenzy of Terrell Owens-related madness yesterday, it all seems to have died down today. It never fails to bewilder us that once an athlete denies something, mainstream reporters just kind of say, "OK, well, must not be true, then!" and move on. There seems to b...
"Thick In The Britches"
This is Bob Whitfield, veteran left tackle for the New York Giants. According to his bio, he has five children, ages ranging from 19 to 5. He seems like an upstanding member of society. And when NJ.com asked him, apropos of nothing, "whose backfield would you like to see in motion?" he had quite an ...
You Can Lean On Him
So yesterday, it came out that San Diego Chargers safety Terrence Kiel was arrested by the DEA for shipping codeine-based cough syrup to Texas. The substance, which mixed with "either soft drinks or drugs" (two entities we wouldn't imagine to be so easily interchangable), creates something called "l...