Giancarlo Stanton Just Jerked The Mightiest Dong Of The Season

Are you sitting down? Okay.

At 504-feet, this is apparently the longest dong ever recorded by MLB’s Statcast, as well as the longest dinger in Coors Field history. Needless to say, it’s easily the best dong of the season, unless Bartolo Colon is more your speed.

Because the press had a habit of mythologizing strong dingers in the pre-science era of baseball, it’s sort of impossible to determine where this lands in the pantheon of the greatest dongs of all time.

That said, who cares. Look at that dang dong!