Let Leo Pitch! Cubs Tempt Fate By Dissing Their Oldest Fan

Leo Hildebrand wants to throw out the first pitch at a Chicago Cubs game. And being that he's 104 years old, making him one of the few things alive that have actually seen a Cubs World Series title — the giant redwood and a certain species of desert tortoise are the others — you would think he'd be placed at the head of the line. But no. In a notable switch, the Cubs are chasing an old man off of their lawn.

A lifelong Cubs fan, Hildebrand wants to throw out the first pitch at Wrigley Field for a game during the Cubs' expected playoff run. His neighbor and good friend, Henny Kronvold, tried to persuade the Cubs to let Hildebrand pitch last season, but the Cubs politely told her all of the slots were taken, Kronvold said. "He can't wait much longer," said Arlene Burm, Hildebrand's 69-year-old daughter. Jason Carr, a Cubs spokesman, said the organization reviews and considers all first-pitch requests. "Due to the large number of requests and suggestions, and given the limited opportunities, it's difficult to accommodate everyone,'' Carr said. ''We have so many deserving fans — including Leo Hildebrand — but can't get to them all.''

We suggest a Let Leo Pitch campaign, beginning Aug. 19 when the Cubs begin their next homestand against Cincinnati. Everyone brings a Depends undergarment to Wrigley, and at the end of every even-numbered inning, rise as one and wave them in unison. Also, the first fan to toss a set of toy clacking dentures onto the field (between innings) will have his or her name placed into nomination for Deadspin Sportshuman of the Year. Also, fans should be encouraged to wear onions on their belts for all home games — no matter what city you're in — in support of Leo. Together we can make this happen. If ever there was an organization in need of positive karma, it's the Cubs, right? Lou Piniella understands the importance of a timely substitution; why not you, Jason Carr? Plus, Leo is funny.

"I enjoy eating and sleeping — my two favorite things," Hildebrand said. "That's why I'm still here." A Century In The Making [Chicago Sun Times]