Mom Allegedly Steals Daughter's Identity, Becomes 15-Year-Old Cheerleader

First, a note: GARRETT GUZMAN, YOU STAY RIGHT OUT OF THIS POST, MISTER. With that out of the way, let's discuss Miss Wendy Brown of Green Bay, WI. Her 15-year-old daughter lives with Wendy's own mother in Nevada for reasons that will readily become apparent. In an attempt to reclaim her own lost youth, Wendy Brown allegedly stole her daughter's identity (as she has a history of identity theft) and signed up for classes at Ashwaubenon High. Why? She wanted to be a cheerleader, of course. And she did. She attended practices before the school year. She attended a pool party. Then the first day of classes came and it was too hard so she went home. (A cheerleader struggling with schoolwork? Now that's dedication to the disguise.) (We're kidding.) Unfortunately, her disguise started unraveling around the time that her check for the cheerleader's uniform bounced higher than she could. Still, she pulled it off for some time. How did she do it?

A high school employee, Kim Demeny, told authorities that the woman, posing as the teen, seemed very timid. Demeny said she told her she was not good at math and even cried when she talked about moving from Pahrump Valley High School in Nevada. Demeny said she looked older than a student but had the demeanor of a high school girl.

So she kept up the disguise of being a teenager by, in fact, never having stopped being one. Now you know why her daughter lives in Nevada. By the way, we fully expect criminal action will not be the only reason she has to appear in court. She can also expect Rupert Murdoch's lawyers to be so far up her ass for stealing the plot of an episode of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" that she'll be AJ'ing platinum blonde correspondents for months. Mom allegedly uses daughter's ID to be cheerleader [Seattle Post-Intelligencer]