I would rather light my franchise on fire than validate Kyrie Irving

Eventually, some time way down the road, after amassing hundreds of millions of dollars, Kyrie Irving is going to get his. By that point though, it’ll be way too late in life to teach him that he’s ever done anything wrong. When the news broke that Irving demanded a trade from the Brooklyn Nets on Friday, the question that followed “Can you fucking believe this guy?” was “Where is he going to end up?”

There are two answers. The first is the Los Angeles Lakers. There’s one player in the history of the league that’s been able to corral Irving into seasons of productive basketball, and that’s LeBron James.

The second is the Shanghai Sharks because even though not all guards can give you 27 with the flair and ball handling of Kyrie, there are plenty of guys who can score 25 a night without the daily mind games (migraines?).

Sorry, that subhead is completely troll-some, and I assume Durant would rather retire than play with Westbrook again. That said, there’s too much irony in the Lakers-Nets trade scenario to ignore it.

Durant always chirps about how he just wants to hoop and ignore the chatter. Irving has never been about that despite his claims to the contrary. Yet Westbrook will give you every ounce of effort that he has even if the energy is ultimately misplaced, and will tell the media to go fuck themselves, too.

What I’m wondering is how Los Angeles and Brooklyn get a deal done without shipping Brodie cross country. And if that happens, which would have to happen in the next week, where does that leave Durant?

When you whittle down the trade partners, only a few teams make sense (Dallas), or even have the cajones (Clippers and Lakers), to think they can get two to three months of drama-free basketball out of Irving, and never underestimate the Lakers ability to throw all sense of responsibility into the Pacific when backed into a corner.

I highly doubt Irving gets moved because he executed this demand about as poorly as humanly possible. The Nets are 31-20 and currently occupy the fourth seed in the East. There’s no reason for them to make a trade other than the fact that they’re negotiating with someone who’s willing to destroy everything for ideals that no one, not even himself, can define.

Let’s be real, at this point we’re all counting down the days until Irving goes full Stephon Marbury and is forced to finish his career in China. He should be there already. Go play in the Big 3, or revive the And 1 Mixtape Tour. Kyrie is seriously a sideshow at this stage of his career, and this is as much performance art as that time Shai LeBeouf strolled the red carpet with a bag on his head.

If you clicked on this wondering if your team is going to land Irving, god help you. Every organization in the NBA, including Brooklyn, would be better off rattling a wasps nest than letting Irving within 300 feet of the team facility.

Even if I’m wrong, and Irving goes to the Lakers and wins another title, I’ll never admit it. And in some fucked up way, I think that’s what Kyrie would prefer.