Roger Clemens (And Gene Grabowski) Try To Get This Crazy Train Back On Track

Roger Clemens emerged after a year of hibernation to appear on the " Mike and Mike" show to defend himself against some of the latest allegations about his steroid use. He didn't do so hot.

Predictably this was a PR move orchestrated by Team Clemens (which, thankfully, Greenberg and Golic didn't pretend it wasn't) done to defuse any of the renewed interest in Clemens' case thanks to today's release of " American Icon." If this wasn't obvious during Clemens' interview, the 20 minute warm-up act with Gene Grabowski, The Rocket's new well-paid "crisis communications expert," sealed it. Grabowski is not only an expert at damage-controlling celebrities, but has also done wonders for many inanimate objects, such as spinach, pet food, and toys. Greenberg and Golic asked Grabowski, given all the evidence against Clemens, how he knows he's telling the truth?

"I looked him in the eye," the Crisis Communications Expert said.

Brilliant. Clemens probably paid six figures for that. But, hey, this man saved the spinach industry so he knows what he's doing.

Here are some of the highlights from the Clemens interview:

• On McNamee: He "never injected me with HGH or steroids." Why? "Common sense — "my family has a history of heart conditions." Clemens notes that both his brother and stepdad had heart attacks and it would be "suicidal" for him to take any of these drugs. He also finds these allegations "dishearting" (sic).

• On Andy Pettitte admitting that he was injected by McNamee and that he had a conversation with Clemens about HGH: Clemens reiterates: "Andy misremembers."

• On Manny: Surprised, you know, because, as Roger's stated many, many times before MLB has great testing: "We have great testing." Oh, did you know Roger Clemens passed all of his tests? No? You didn't. WELL HE DID. Move on please. Want to know how committed to the testing he was? He asked testing people come to his house and they went to his personal gym so he could show his son how "evasive"(sic) it was. "I think the program works!"

• On A-Rod: "I hope none of the things he took do damage to his body and ruin his career."

• "How do you defend against the negative?": Skew positive! "Steroids are bad for these kids — but again, I can't defend the negative, when you've got somebody out there who's just crawling up your back to make a buck..." Mentions his charities, golfing, foundations, charities, fundraising, his foundations, charities, banquets, and all of the good he's done for people since 1991, and "I know how tough it is raising money for charity these days..." and HOW COULD I TAKE STEROIDS WHEN I'M DOING ALL OF THIS GODDAMN CHARITY WORK? (I'm paraphrasing there, by the way.)

• On "American Icon": "Garbage," "not true," "skimmed it."

• He was friendly, though: Clemens kept referring to Greenberg as "Greeny" and Mike Golic as (ha) "Goli."

Full Clemens Interview Transcript Here [Sports Radio Interviews]