a Page 7334 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Today In Unfortunate Headline Apostrophe Placement
From the Champaign-Urbana News-Gazette comes this doubletake-inducing headline on the start of football season. I'm sure it looked all nice and informal and innocuous in the sterile InDesign window, but when it actually gets put in a paper? A 48-point poop joke....
Cockblocked By Peruvian Hallucinogenics!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
We're Sick Of Joe Theismann All Over Again
It's difficult not to pity Redskins fans, who, in addition to being Redskins fans, have to hear Joe Theismann talk about preseason football during preseason television broadcasts. And last night, just after Brandon Banks ended an otherwise splendid punt return by flipping the ball out of his hand ...
Never Teach Your Kids About Lightning
I have a 5-year-old kid. One of my jobs as a parent is to read books to the kid so that the kid can be smart and make lots of money and eventually buy me a big fucking house that I can drunkenly vomit all over, Gloria James-style. One of the things every parent should do before reading a book to a c...
Surfing, Like Most Things, Is Better With Flares
I honestly think all Red Bull-sponsored events exist solely for YouTube's sake....
The Italian Basketball Team Will Run Circles And Circles And Circles And Circles Around Everyone At EuroBasket
This clipboard belongs to Simone Pianigiani, the head coach of the Italian national basketball team, and we're told that it almost always resembles a toddler's masterpiece (and, yes, possibly an unintentional dong as well)....
MMA Fighter Has A More Racist Fantasy Football Team Than You
A small confession: I have often dreamed of creating a fantasy basketball team composed exclusively of players with the surnames Jefferson and Jackson. (The team, obviously, would be called the Jefferson-Jacksons, in reference, obviously, to the nascence of the Democratic Party.) Never have I dreame...
Watch As Clay Hensley Takes Out His Frustration On A Water Bucket
It was only the third inning and the Marlins were still winning, but there were still no outs when Clay Hensley hit Ruben Tejada with a pitch and walked Lucas Duda with the bases loaded. After Hensley's 1-1 pitch to David Wright nearly sailed into Wright's chest, Jack McKeon just couldn't take it an...
An Instructional Video On How To Pretend To Hit A Forehand Like Rafael Nadal
This is cool, if you're a tennis player/fan, or just a fellow lefty who believes in the general supremacy of lefties. Rafael Nadal hits his forehand with an average topspin of 3,200 RPMs, which is more than any human to ever play the game of tennis. The New York Times explains how he does it. [NYT]...
Fred Taylor Retires A Jaguar, But How Much Does His One-Day Contract Pay?
"There are no dumb questions." That was a promising way for the Jaguars' representative to open the conversation when he returns my call regarding what I presumed was a dumb, dumb question....
Today In Shameless Corporate Behavior: The Redskins Hawk Obsolete Donovan McNabb Souvenir Cups
First, Dan Snyder sold Redskins fans the old peanuts he got from a bankrupt airline, as Dave McKenna mentions in "The Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder." (You have just experienced "We Are All Dave McKenna CCX.") Now Snyder is charging fans at FedExField $6 for Donovan McNabb soda cups. Oh, ...
Is This Wisconsin OC Paul Chryst Drinking And Dipping His Way Through A 51 Point Outburst?
We saw Twitter buzz about this last night, but this morning a tipster who shall remain nameless ("College football fans are crazy. I don't need people tracking down my Facebook account or anything.") sent along two screengrabs of Wisconsin offensive coordinator Paul Chryst appearing to spit tobacco ...
SprtsCntr: Let the Russell Wilson Slurpfest Begin!
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....
Whoever Broke Into Chris Cooley's Art Gallery Did Not Care Much For The Art
Local police in Leesburg, Va. are searching for the suspect that broke into Chris Cooley's art gallery on South King Street early Friday morning. Thankfully, no art or pottery was stolen in the burglary. More importantly, though, Chris Cooley owns an art gallery....
Couch Burning Is No Longer Encouraged At West Virginia
WVU students burn couches. They burn them because the basketball team won. They burn them because the football team won. They burn them because the football team lost. They burn them because Bin Laden was killed. They burn them because it snowed. WVU students burn couches. It's what they do....
11-Year-Old Does Not Get $50,000 For Impossible Shot Hockey Shot, But Gets Next Best Thing: Nothing
We once again check in with Nick and Nate Smith, the young twins who won a raffle to take a shot from center ice for $50,000. Nick's name was drawn; Nate took the shot. Almost immediately it became clear that the insurance company didn't want to pay out, and today it's official....
Matt Cassel's Burden Is Heavier Than Anyone Imagined
Your morning roundup for Sept. 2, the day after we didn't have any change to toss into Bruce Springsteen's guitar case. Photo courtesy @IndianPacker, via @Sportsfeeder1. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
The Boston Pro Lacrosse Team With A Mascot Who Loved Lap Dances Has Suspended Operations
Boston Blazers President and GM Doug Reffue announced — in a letter to "the Blazers community" on the team website — that the three-year-old National Lacrosse League franchise was temporarily closing up shop. They're looking "both locally and nationally" for a new home for the 2013 season....
So This Is What A Brawl In An Emergency Room Waiting Room Looks Like
Right about the time you think that this spectacle in an unnamed hospital's waiting room is over (about 2:15 in), the hair- and wifebeater-yanking commences. And yes, it seems like the guy in the blue-and-white striped shirt likes hitting women. So there's that, too....
Presenting A Great Point From Novak Djokovic's U.S. Open Match Against Some Guy Tonight
At the end of this crowd-rousing point tonight at Arthur Ashe Stadium, No. 1 seed Novak Djokovic was four games away from a triple-bagel win (6-0, 6-0, 6-0) over Carlos Berlocq. Novak would drop the next game — earning Berlocq some crowd adulation — and another before closing his foe out, but he a...