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Lionel Messi Shouldn't Have Wished His Mami A Happy Birthday
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Where's Carl Monday When We Need Him Most?
This image is brought to you by tipster Kent D. Here's what he had to say about "Wolfie":...

Ochocinco No Mas
Chad Ochocinco says he's changing his name back to Chad Johnson. Maybe because Aaron Hernandez already wears number 85 on the Patriots....

Here's The Angry Letter That UConn Donor Wrote Demanding His Money Back
Robert G. Burton didn't want Paul Pasqualoni. He wanted Steve Addazio. As a result, he's taking his money and going home. Here's what he wrote to Connecticut AD Jeff Hathaway....

Former Packer: "Jay Cutler's Tampon Fell Out On National TV"
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Greg Koch was unimpressed with Cutler's toughness....

What Do You Do With Your Old Sexting Photos?
We go right to your letters:...

The Eli Porter Of Tennis Rap Makes For Best "Black & Yellow" Remix Yet
We've been getting a lot of "Black & Yellow" remixes lately. White and green. Green and yellow. Red and blue. Red and navy. And so on. But we were sorely missing out on a tennis-specific remix. Until now....

Just Who Is Hosting The Super Bowl Anyway?
Dallas is, to the casual and logical observer. But don't let the mayor of Arlington hear you. He might get mad....

The Duke Bench Is Sad, Possibly Possessed
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Caleb Hanie Also Quit — On His Mustache
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: the third-string hero might've earned himself a promotion to backup....

Weekend Winner: Jay Cutler, Safety Last
All the furor over Jay Cutler spending the second half on the bench is proof positive that the battle for player safety is an uphill one, and won't be solved with posters and PSAs....

Yep, Rashard Mendenhall Really Used Ben Roethlisberger Like An Inflatable Sex Toy
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Your AFC Championship Game Open Thread
Tipster "Dr. Yunzer" kindly sent a link to a column by a Steelers fan who put some of his late father's ashes on the Heinz Field turf. One of those "sports are bigger than just sports" messages. [Post Gazette]...

Your NFC Championship Game Open Thread
There has been no shortage of links sent in about this game. Links about tattoos. And white kids rapping about how Wisconsin weather is super hardcore. And cooked bear meat. And old-heads trying to sing....

Kansas State Basketball Doesn't Bother Spelling Freshman's Name Rigth
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

D.C. Woman Commits Her Life To Hiding Bras
Here's a very special report about a garment that employs special buttons to prevent the bra-exposing "blouse gape" scourge. What inspired the "inventor"? Picking out proper wardrobe to work at a lobbying firm....

Your Top 25 Matchups College Basketball Open Thread
Today's Top 25 matchups are (1) Ohio State at (22) Illinois, (7) Villanova at (3) Syracuse, (24) Kansas State at (10) Texas A&M, (11) Texas at (2) Kansas and (18) Michigan State at (13) Purdue....

Playboy Alum From Poland Purchases Soccer Team
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Buddy Ryan Can't Tell His Sons Apart
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Buddy's proud of his little boys....

Reporter Injures Self, Studio Hosts Pretend To Be Concerned
Dodger Stadium is hosting a motocross event, and one local reporter decided to take a bike out for a spin. His crash isn't nearly as amusing as the awkwardness that follows. [via VinScullyIsMyHomeboy]...