appic Page 141 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Antrel Rolle Blames Fumble On His Silky Smooth Arms
The hellish, back-breaking death march of professional football has claimed many victims, but perhaps none more tragically than Cardinals safety Antrel Rolle, who dropped a crucial preseason punt because his arms were over-moisturized. The horror.......
Braylon Edwards Learns About The Dark Side Of Twitter
Sure, social media brings you closer to the fans ... but that just makes it easier for them to tell you that you suck at your job. [Waiting For Next Year]...
Rich People Golf While You're At Work
The PGA Championship is under way. Follow along with the online leaderboard and it's almost like being outside! (Your cubicle has never felt so small and dark.) [PGA.com/ShaneBacon]...
What To Expect From "Hard Knocks: Cincinnati Bengals"
The Cincinnati Bengals are not quite the trainwreck they once were, but everyone is still hoping for some kind of entertainment value out of this year's edition of HBO's "Hard Knocks" docudrama. Don't get your hopes up....
Your U.S.A. vs. Mexico Open Live Thread Thingy
Fire up, gringos! It's like the original Mexican-American War, only with less malaria. The winner gets to punch Lou Dobbs in the face; loser gets to keep Texas. Olé your brains out in comments....
Brady Quinn-Derek Anderson Feud Gets Catty
Derek Anderson and Brady Quinn are both listed as No. 1 on the Browns depth chart, although I don't believe the NFL's plan to add a second football to gameplay will take effect this year. So let the sabotage begin!...
There Is Nothing Funny About This Picture
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
The Eyes Of Texas Are Upon You
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....
Arturo Gatti's Death Ruled A Suicide By Purse Strap
A court ordered that his wife be released immediately. She had been accused of strangling her drunk husband with a purse strap while he slept, but apparently the subsequent investigation "excludes the possibility of murder." A totally understandable mix-up. [AP]...
Swimming Records Made To Never Be Broken
Exotic fancypants swimsuits bestow ridiculous Aquaman-like qualities on anyone who wears one, which is why swimming officials have officially banned the suits—right after every record in the books is shattered beyond repair....
Lance Armstrong Has Failed Everyone
Alberto Contador has won his second Tour de France. Livestrong, Alberto! One person who's thrilled about this news? This precocious, Tour-loving five-year-old. [SI]...
Japanese Baseball Robots Already Elected To The Hall Of Fame
Japanese nerds have invented baseball-playing robots with talent far exceeding our own Major League all-stars and they don't require Gatorade or HGH. Well, I guess that's it. We had a great ride, humanity, but our time has passed....
Lance Not Livestrong Enough
Lance Armstrong moved to second place in the Tour de France this weekend, but fell almost two minutes behind his teammate, Alberto Contador. Oh, the indignity of the wingman, fighting for scraps as his "partner" reaps all the glory....
Crumpet? I Hardly Know It!
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Open Caption: Yep, That's An Oscar Mayer Wiener
"An Oscar Meyer Wienermobile crashed into the home and outdoor deck. The vehicle was parked in the driveway. The driver lurched the vehicle forward instead of backing out of the driveway, hitting the deck and cracking the house's foundation." [Strib]...
BB Assassins Take Pot Shots At Tour de France Riders
Two riders were hit by BBs during Stage 13 of the Tour, even though lunatic cycling fans can get close enough to club their victims with baguettes. Why not give your crazy violence a more personal touch? [VeloNews]...
Tiger Woods To Miss The Cut At British Open
Woods had two double bogeys on the back nine to finish +5, but the projected cut is 4-over. Only his second missed cut at major since turning pro. Old Tom Watson somehow still tied for the lead. [Open Championship]...
Surprise! No One Cares That Manny Ramirez Used PEDs
Manny came back to Mannywood last night, and the fake dreadlocked Dodger fans welcomed him back with open arms, much to the consternation of you know who....
Tour de France Riders Forced To Perform Without Mechanical Supplements
The Tour de France tried an "experiment" today—banning radios that allow coaches and team leaders to communicate with their riders during the race. It's almost like they expect these athletes to use their own brains!...
Have You Seen This Fat Guy?
The White Sox seemed to have lost something. It's about six feet high, 250 pounds (roughly), and occasionally has trouble locating its curveball. Oh, and it's scheduled to start tonighttomorrow so if you've seen a Bartolo Colon anywhere, please call....