as Page 1042 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Astros Can Pitch Now And Look Invincible
It took Justin Verlander just 2 hours and 36 minutes to dispatch the Angels on Wednesday night, striking out seven in a five-hit shutout. We’ve come to expect this sort of thing since Verlander was traded to Houston last August, but it was especially impressive given the team that was on the receivi...
Bartolo Colon's Belly Saves The Day
In the middle of his seven-plus scoreless innings in the Texas Rangers’ 5-1 win Wednesday, pitcher Bartolo Colon had to deal with a comebacker from Mariners shortstop Jean Segura. While Colon wasn’t quick enough with his glove, his tummy more or less did the job, and he got the out in time. You can’...
All Hail Sir Jonathan Marchessault
According to the numbers, home ice in the NHL isn’t that big a deal, and I’m never been one to argue with hard data. However, playing in the desert does seem to mean something to the Vegas Golden Knights, who beat the Jets 4-2 Wednesday night to take a 2-1 lead in the Western Conference Finals. The ...
The Desperate Rockets Beat The Warriors, And It Was Actually Fun To Watch
The Rockets can pass! That’s the most stunning takeaway from their 127-105 win against the Warriors tonight, which evened the Western Conference Finals at one game apiece and introduced a prettier, more kinetic version of the Rockets than the team that won 65 games in the regular season. Game 2 saw ...
Dustin Byfuglien Pulls Down Two Knights At Once
Winnipeg strongman Dustin Byfuglien won’t stop asserting his dominance against lesser men, as the Vegas Golden Knights learned once more in Game 3 of their series tonight. In a big testy scrap near the end of the second period, Byfuglien grabbed hold of both Tomas Nosek and Colin Miller—who are list...
Here's Another Hilariously Epic Vegas Pregame Show<em></em>
The Vegas Golden Knights have made a habit out of spectacularly over-the-top performances to kick off playoff games, and their home opener in the Western Conference Finals might have been their best yet. The Game 3 pregame party had everything: a drumline, an archer, a swordfight, a flying dude with...
Albert Almora Jr. Discovers Invisible Stair In Center Field Wall
If baseball players didn’t wear cleats, Tyler Flowers would have earned himself a dinger in his first at-bat tonight. But because outfielders have those spikes on their feet, the Braves catcher’s long fly ball to center field was hauled in by the Cubs’ Albert Almora Jr., who dug his cleats into the ...
Report: Very Fortunate Mike Budenholzer Gets To Coach Giannis Now<em></em>
Mike Budenholzer, the head coach who parted ways with the Atlanta Hawks last month after a 24-58 season, has agreed to become the new coach of the Milwaukee Bucks, according to Woj. What a lucky bastard....
It Sure Seems Like Nobody Running Any Sports Team Knows How To Run A Basic Background Check
The Luke Heimlich redemption tour carried on this week, cresting with the full Sports Illustrated feature treatment. There are thousands of words, a serious-faced cover photo, an alliterative headline, randomly capitalized words (“the era of Too Much Information” comes up twice), and all the fancy o...
Maybe, Just Maybe, The Knicks Might Have A Functional Defense
The Knicks did not luck out, which is basically an evergreen sentence. Their lottery pick did not leap into the top three, which had only a six percent chance of occurring last night. It instead landed at nine, as expected. I feel a little good about this. ...
Report: Contract Spat Means Qatar Isn't Going To Pay To Keep The Metro Open Late After The Caps Game After All
A fun thing about Washington D.C. is that its metro transportation system closes at 11:30 p.m. on weeknights even if there are major sports events happening. Instead of simply extending metro hours so people can get home more easily, the Washington Metro Area Transit Association gets businesses or ...
Please Just Call Up Vladimir Guerrero Jr., He's Too Good For The Minor Leagues
Truly I say to you today: Double-A ball offers no challenge to Vladimir Guerrero Jr. besides that of a blank canvas upon which he can paint wild highlights. The 19-year-old slugger has spent his time with the New Hampshire Fisher Cats smacking big dingers and generally looking like he belongs at a h...
Let's Remember Some Guys, Random Baseball Card Treasure Trove Volume II
In this week’s thrilling installment of Let’s Remember Some Guys, Lauren and I return to the treasure trove/antique printer box of unsolicited baseball cards mailed to our office by an unnamed benefactor in search of ... I should probably have figured out the conclusion to this sentence before I sta...
North Carolina's Rural Teachers Are Ready To Be Heard
The North Carolina General Assembly will reconvene in Raleigh on Wednesday for a short session dedicated to hashing out the final state budget. Joining them in the state capitol will be a flood of frustrated public school teachers from across the state, all of them on a mission to force the General ...
Joey Votto "Terribly Ashamed" Of Saying Semi-Rude Things About Canada
Reds first baseman Joey Votto is a fantastic baseball player, a charmingly prickly dude, and a Canadian. Those last two things converged recently to produce one of his more memorable quotes, in which he explained that he really doesn’t give a shit about Canada....
Coach: 25-Year-Old Who Posed As High Schooler To Play Basketball Was “Average Player”
High school was a fun time for many people. But would you actually want to go back and relive it? Maybe, if you could star on a school’s basketball team!...
It Appears The Kings, Who Always Screw Up, Can't Possibly Screw This Up
For what feels like the first time in recent franchise history, the Sacramento Kings got lucky. The Kings briefly held the reins in the NBA’s greatest-ever tank-off last season, but they were soundly out-tanked over the stretch run, and wound up finishing with the lottery’s seventh-best odds after e...
The MLB Narcs Have Come For Willson Contreras And His Venezuela Sleeve
Cubs catcher Willson Contreras began wearing a Venezuelan-flag sleeve to honor his home country last summer, and it has become an essential component of his uniform. But as part of MLB’s recent efforts to crack down on uniform regulations, Contreras has been told by the league that he can no longer ...
Reports: Michigan State To Settle With Larry Nassar Victims For $500 Million
According to the Detroit Free Press and the Lansing State Journal, Michigan State has agreed to settle the lawsuits filed by hundreds of women who have said they were sexually abused by Larry Nassar for $500 million. The settlement was approved by the board of trustees this morning. The sum will be ...
Karolina Pliskova Unleashes Rage Upon Umpire's Chair
Forget the weak beeves you’ve been served in the past, all the gristly cheap stuff, and ready your palate for Grade-A Tennis Beef. Well-bred cows were fed only foraged wild grasses and massaged six to eight times daily to produce beef of this lusciously marbled quality. Appreciate it....