atp Page 6 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bartolo Colon Celebrates Strong Start By Jiggling His Belly
Bartolo Colon dominated the Braves last night, shutting them out over seven innings while striking out five. He also did this in the dugout....
Great Players Who Never Had A Great Moment
There have been great players who never had a great moment; men who went on year after year, running up formidable statistics, but were no more fearsome than anybody else in the few, crucial moments of their careers. They popped up or flied out in key at-bats, or did not even fail that spectacularly...
This Is Pretty Much The Saddest Game Of Tennis Ever Played By A Pro
Congratulations, Fabio Fognini! You might be ranked 16th in the world, but this was quite possibly the most amazing thing any player's ever accomplished....
Lede Time
Michael MacCambridge does us all a mitzvah with his "Director's Cut" series over at Grantland. Earlier this year he blessed us with one of Lardner's best profiles, "Down Great Purple Valleys," which is most famous for its first sentence:...
Help! The Goddamn Cat Peed On My Loafers
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Email her....
Giant-Ass Runaway Pig Is A Thing To Behold
This picture comes to us from the News-Record in Greensboro, N.C., and it is just the best goddamn thing. Nobody knows where that monstrosity of a pig came from, or why it was running loose in a Greensboro neighborhood yesterday afternoon. All we know is that it let out a "horrific, loud squeal" whi...
Andy Roddick, Who Retired In September, Rose Two Spots In This Week's ATP Rankings
Hell of a week for Andy Roddick, who jumped up two spots in this week's ATP rankings despite not having played in six months. But when you're the 40th best men's tennis player in the world, these are the kinds of things you can do. (Also when you're part of a severely flawed ranking formula.)...
Delmon Young Can Earn $600,000 In Bonus Money By Not Being A Fat Mess
On Tuesday, the Philadelphia Phillies signed Delmon Young, noted anti-semite and worst player to ever win the ALCS MVP, to a one-year, $750,000 contract. Today, we learned that Young's contract has one very peculiar stipulation. From the AP:...
The Public Humiliation Diet: A How-To
Originally published May 24, 2010....
Did Fox Soccer Studio Hosts Go Too Far In Mocking This Obese Fan? [UPDATE: Rob Stone Apologizes]
Rob Stone's addition to the Fox Soccer studio team a year ago has livened up what was previously a very proper and Continental panel of experts; when he's alongside Eric Wynalda the cable net that is the United States' soccer home can now feature entire conversations in "American."...
De'Anthony Thomas's Punt Return TD Against Colorado Is Obscene
We all speculated what kind of brutality the Oregon Ducks would unleash upon the hapless Colorado Buffaloes, and early in the second quarter we learned the answer would be "obscene." Obscene to the degree of a 49-0 Oregon 20 minutes into the game, capped by this marvelous De'Anthony Thomas punt re...
Roger Federer Finds "Bizarre Death Threat" Mildly Distracting
Roger Federer is in China, playing in the Shanghai Masters tournament along with most of the upper-tier tennis circuit. Yesterday, he had a first round bye, so he didn't play any tennis, and he also wasn't killed. The last bit wouldn't qualify as news were it not for the death threat that came Feder...
Reports: 49ers Linebacker Aldon Smith Stabbed At House Party, Two Others Shot
According to team officials, the Niners linebacker is said to be recovering "comfortably" from "minor injuries." San Francisco has not elaborated any further but has said the team is in touch with the police....
David Nalbandian Could Face Criminal Charges After Injuring Line Judge
We thought Nalbandian suffered enough yesterday after taking out his frustrations on the base of a linesman's chair. The wooden board splintered, drawing blood from the confused and angry judge, and Nalbandian was disqualified from the final of the Aegon Championships (not a Game of Thrones refere...
Jim Nantz Is Getting Married At Pebble Beach Today
"Hello friends and welcome to the 2012 Jim Nantz Wedding At Historic Pebble Beach Golf Links. Phil Simms will be with us in a few moments." This magnificent vista will host the marriage ceremony for Jim Nantz and Courtney Richards. It is the seventh hole at Pebble Beach and will make for some lovel...
<i>Chicago Sun-Times</i> Columnist Joe Cowley Rides A Plane, Degrades Women Everywhere
Ever since Jay Marrioti fell off the face of the planet, the Chicago Sun-Times has been a little light in the abusive-toward-females department. This morning, Joe Cowley (pictured, far right) bravely stepped in to assume the role, in an albeit verbal, yet no less demeaning manner when he took on on...
Should You Eat Your Marijuana During A Police Stop? A Guide
Detroit Lions running back Mikel Leshoure is being arraigned today in Berrien County, Mich., court on a marijuana charge. As with many low-stakes weed busts, the details are whimsical:...
Exclusive: Molly Ringwald Refuses To Confirm Or Deny Rob Lowe's Report That Peyton Manning Is Retiring
As you would have expected, I've been working the phones all afternoon trying to confirm Rob Lowe's bombshell report that Colts quarterback Peyton Manning will retire today. But Lowe's scoop blindsided the NFL media, so we decided against mining traditional sources for news. We went to the people wh...
Joe Barry Carroll Refused To Give Up His Seat To A White Lady, Is Now Suing
Everyone can relax: Joe Barry Carroll is back in our lives. The former all-star (which is a generous descriptor for someone who was nicknamed "Joe Barely Cares") is suing an Atlanta bar for racial discrimination for asking them to give up their seats five years ago. The bar maintains that we live in...