Borussia Dortmund Page 3 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Christian Pulisic's Swag Is Crazy High Right Now And It's Beautiful To See
Highly coveted wonderteen and future Ballon d’Or winner Christian Pulisic scored the first goal in Borussia Dortmund’s 3-0 win over Lotte in the German Cup yesterday. The goal itself was fine, the product of Pulisic’s smart movement but mostly Ousmane Dembélé’s unreal skills. But check out Pulisic’s...
American Wonderteen Christian Pulisic Stomped All Over Benfica<em></em>
Borussia Dortmund lost 1-0 to Benfica in Lisbon, Portugal two weeks ago, necessitating a strong performance today in the second leg of their Round of 16 Champions League tie to advance. They needn’t worry, because the wonderteen was there. ...
Borussia Dortmund Will Soon Be So Damn Good
In what has been a pretty tame January transfer window—unless Manchester United discarding spare parts gets you excited—Borussia Dortmund made perhaps the biggest splash today when they signed 17-year-old Swedish phenom Alexander Isak, along with extending the contract of the world’s future best pla...
Borussia Dortmund And Legia Warsaw Combined To Score A Zillion Goals Today
Legia Warsaw played Borussia Dortmund in a Champions League match today. Each team scored multiple times. Here is one of the goals scored in the game today:...
Miami's Fox Station Aired An Infomercial For A Coffeemaker Instead Of This Match
Borussia Dortmund beat Bayern Munich 1-0 in today’s Bundesliga clash of titans, but despite Bayern’s helpful chart fans in Miami didn’t find the match on their local Fox station. WSVN, which regularly airs paid programming instead of Fox network coverage, decided more south Floridians wanted to watc...
Barcelona Are Reportedly Hot For Christian Pulisic
Look, I’m not going to tell you that this Spanish paper’s report that Barcelona, the (in my humble and in no way biased opinion) best club in world soccer, are “closely following” America’s Wonderteen Christian Pulisic, the (again, humble, unbiased opinion) greatest, can’t-miss soccer prospect in th...
Brilliant Shithead Cristiano Ronaldo Had A Brilliant, Shitheaded Game Yesterday
As everyone knows, Cristiano Ronaldo is one of the greatest soccer players of all time. He’s also an obnoxious, petulant brat prone to sneaky acts of outright violence when he feels aggrieved. All sides of CR7 were on display during yesterday’s Real Madrid-Borussia Dortmund match....
America's Beautiful Wonderteen, Christian Pulisic, Just Ran Through Real Madrid<em></em>
Borussia Dortmund, one of the world’s very best soccer teams, found themselves down against Real Madrid, the most famous sports team on the planet, in a Champions League match today. Looking to change the game, they turned to a goddamn American child, 18-year-old Christian Pulisic, to save the day. ...
Christian Pulisic Is Too Good To Be Underhyped
It wasn’t even two whole weeks ago that Borussia Dortmund manager Thomas Tuchel sought to keep the hype flames being stoked by eager Christian Pulisic fans under control. Sure, it’s neat that Pulisic has done well with the USMNT, I guess, Tuchel basically said. But let’s be real: he was doing it aga...
Borussia Dortmund Manager Pours Some Cold Water On The Christian Pulisic Craze
Hardcore American soccer fans are rightfully beside ourselves with excitement about our latest and greatest hope for a soccer superstar, Christian Pulisic—especially after his exploits during this past international break. Should he—a teenaged, Bieber-bumping child, mind you—leave Borussia Dortmund ...
Christian Pulisic Scored Again
17-year-old American soccer prodigy Christian Pulisic followed up on last week’s career-launching goal by scoring again today for Borussia Dortmund, putting his squad up 2-0 on Stuttgart by being in the right place at the right time. Dortmund came away with the eventual 3-0 win....
Christian Pulisic Scores First Bundesliga Goal
American teen Christian Pulisic scored his first Bundesliga goal today, putting his Borussia Dortmund team up 1-0 on Hamburg with a strike late in the first half....
Liverpool Just Came Back To Beat Borussia Dortmund In An Insane Goal-Fest
This is the kind of game this was: after Liverpool sealed their monumental comeback with their fourth goal of the evening in the first of four stoppage time minutes, it still felt inevitable that Dortmund would get at least one great chance of their own to equalize and thus progress on to the Europa...
Christian Pulisic, The Latest "Savior Of American Soccer," Is More Than Just Hype
You can count the number of soccer teams in the world better than Borussia Dortmund on one hand. Last season, the German club struggled with the loss of Robert Lewandowski and the impending loss of Jürgen Klopp and wound up with a sorry seventh-place league finish. One year later and they are back a...
Tottenham Fans, Rejoice! Your Team Got Beat Down Today!
Even the most fervent Tottenham fan had to admit that it looked shaky out there for a bit. By the end, though, supporters could be proud of the scoreline their boys had earned. To further their hopes at ending the season with the trophy they so covet, Spurs’ players had one objective in today’s Euro...
Borussia Dortmund Fans Protest Ticket Prices By Raining Tennis Balls Onto Pitch
Like Liverpool fans, Borussia Dortmund supporters are also in the midst of a cold war against ticket pricing hikes. The German fans made their feelings perfectly evident yesterday by boycotting the first 20 minutes of the BVB-Stuttgart cup match, then interrupting the game by lobbing a bunch of tenn...
Borussia Dortmund Go Down Three Goals, Shrug, Score Four, Win
Once-great, now-good lunchpail German side Borussia Dortmund opened up their Europa League campaign away to some team from Norway aptly named Odds BK. August NIT games don’t impress us much, especially against teams from Norway, but Odds came out and scored 13 seconds into the dang match!...
Manuel Neuer Has The Ability To Turn His Hand Into A Brick Wall
Saturday's Bayern Munich-Borussia Dortmund match wasn't as monumental as the matchup has historically been, but it was still an intense match featuring some of the world's best players hell-bent on getting one over on their rivals. While former Dortmund man Robert Lewandowski scored the only goal fo...
Holy Mother Carlos Tevez Just Bombed Germany With This Rocket Golazo
Juventus and Borussia Dortmund are playing today, right now. A few minutes ago, they kicked off. Then two minutes passed. Then Juventus's Carlos Tevez got the ball. Then he blew up Germany's hopes, and also Germany. No more high-quality vehicles for anyone. Because there's no more Germany. Germany's...