Clinton Portis Page 3 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
He Stands Before You. Clinton. Simply Clinton.
If the real sports world were like the Deadspin sports world, someone like Dennis Rodman or Joe Pepitone would be popping open some champagne this morning, 1972 Dolphins-style: The Clinton Portis madness streak has finally come to an end....
Redskins Surprisingly Effective Car Salesmen
With the Redskins improbably advancing to the NFL's Final Eight, we're obviously going to be ratcheting up the Clinton Portis coverage even more than we already have, if that's not terrifying enough for you. As a little appetizer, though, we present you this gaggle of advertisements for Easterns A...
Coach Janky Spanky: Cliffs Notes Version
We know this has already been covered here, but, honestly, we're still so blown away by Clinton Portis' performance as "Coach Janky Spanky" yesterday that we feel obliged to point out the highlights for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of watching it yet. Here's a cheat sheet....
Portis Becoming Subtle Character Actor
We've witnessed the newest Clinton Portis character, and we have to say, even though the costume leaves much to be desired, it might be our favorite one yet....
Clinton Portis' Supermarket Sweep
Ever wonder what Clinton Portis might do if given $10,000 to spend in a Best Buy in the span of half an hour? Jeez, who hasn't?...
Ma Sweets Will Punch You In The Mouth
What kind of woman would raise a man who would wear a costume like this? What kind of woman could raise such a spawn?...
Southeast Jerome In Heaven With Friends
OK, so as we showed you yesterday, Clinton Portis brought along some pals for his press conference yesterday. The conceit was that Southeast Jerome — who had been previously considered "lost" — had died and made it to heaven with all his friends. They included:...
Clinton Portis And His New Friends
We'll get into this more tomorrow ... but if you go to Redskins.com right now, you'll see that our man Clinton Portis has, uh, brought a few friends along for his weekly psychological exploration....
Portis Now Getting Costume From Garage Sales
Just for the record, yesterday Redskins running back Clinton Portis wore a old leather football helmet, pigtails and Groucho Marx glasses. He called himself "Inspector Two Two." We have no idea what any of this means anymore. At this point, he's just cleaning out the neighbor's closet. In the fin...
Clinton Portis' Craziest Costume Yet
Other Clinton Portis costumes have been deep, terrifying glimpses into the most cavernous regions of his soul, a tiny peek at the scary child within, peering out into the world, hoping it's not raining anymore. But this, his most recent one, however, is the most horrifying at all: A monstrous look...
Athlete Run-In: Helping Clinton Portis Score
Today's final athlete run-in story is right up our alley, because it's about your friend and ours ... Clinton Portis! It's from Jay in Virginia:...
Bro Sweets Will Juice You Up
Clinton Portis was back yesterday with yet another fractured segment of his personality, this one somewhat sweeter than the past ones, literally even. We proudly introduce "Bro Sweets," Clinton's most recent tortured mental sliver....
Portis Becomes Depressingly Self-Questioning
Ladies and gentleman, we present to you, after a one-week hiatus for Thanksgiving, Redskins running back Clinton Portis' newest creation: "Reverend Gonna Change," with those pretty crazy teeth and hair and the whole thing. On our scale, this ranks above "Dollah Bill" but behind "Dr. I-Don't-Know."...
Polls: You Love You Some Sheriff
Well, the readers have spoken, and in yet another trouncing — we never have any close polls around here, which we suppose is our fault — your favorite Clinton Portis costume is Sheriff Gonna Getcha, with 38.1 percent of the vote. (We think it's the Led Zeppelin shirt; impossible to resist it.) Sec...
Vote: Which Is The Best Portis Alter Ego?
For those of you who haven't been paying attention to the gradual, meticulous mental breakdown of Clinton Portis, the Redskins running back has been dressing up as a new "character" — and, Method-like, staying in character during interviews — for each media conference every Thursday. (It is to Por...
Clinton Portis. Clinton Portis. Say It With Us Now.
If it's Friday, it must be time to check in on the weird shit Clinton Portis came up with yesterday. We've documented Portis' antics extensively, and he did not disappoint yesterday with his new character: "Dollah Bill." This character's a little less inspired than "Dr. 'I Don't Know'" and "Sheri...
Clinton Portis Still Selling Crazy, Man
In case you thought Redskins running back Clinton Portis was becoming more sane as the weeks went by rather than less, you can relax. We proudly present his newest concoction: "Sheriff Gonna Getcha."...
Clinton Portis' Methodical Meltdown
That guy right there is Redskins running back Clinton Portis, who is slowly limping toward madness, right before everyone's eyes. This week, before last night's win over the Eagles, Portis announced that his previous character, Southeast Jerome, had died and now he was Dr. I Don't Know. Who is Dr....
NFL Roundup: Portis' Head
• Contrary to popular belief, Redskins running back Clinton Portis was not doing an impersonation of Yankees center fielder Bernie Williams chasing a fly ball while doing that cartwheel in the end zone yesterday. Good guess, though. • We're not saying that Cincinnati was getting a little too excit...
Party With Clinton Portis
If you're roaming around the Washington, D.C. area with nothing to do tomorrow night, and you're desperate to wish legendary party guy Clinton Portis a happy birthday, here's your invite to the party at a DC club called LOVE, courtesy eVIPlist. Don't forget the point of the party, either:...