el Page 2064 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
HOLY SHIT MONSTER JELLYFISH
That's the lion's mane jellyfish, which lives in the ocean and can apparently devour cities whole. I had no fucking idea this existed. COMPLETELY CHANGES THE GAME. I'm never going in the ocean again. Ever. I'm afraid to even take a goddamn bath now, lest this thing ooze out of the pipes and eats my ...
This Might Be The Dirtiest Hockey Play We've Seen In A While
Sabres shit-stirrer Patrick Kaleta is public enemy no. 1 in Philadelphia these days, after drawing Mike Richards into taking an elbowing major. And, of course, this one, where he might have unlocked the door to the bench so Nik Zherdev could be pushed through and taken out of the play....
The Copa Del Rey Trophy Ended Up Lodged Under A Bus Bumper Last Night
As we alluded to earlier, Real Madrid's Sergio Ramos dropped the team's fresh Copa del Rey trophy off the top of a promenading bus in Madrid last night. Just hours after the team earned the title for the first time in 18 years (thanks to Cristiano Ronaldo's header against Barcelona), Ramos let go....
Phil Jackson's Zenergy Lulled At Least One Person To Sleep In L.A. Last Night
Your morning roundup for April 21, the day after McDonald's "National Hiring Day" in Cleveland got real. Real violent. Like, spitting in faces and hitting people with cars violent....
Ray Lewis Went To A Small North Carolina College To Talk About Spirits, Thunder, Cards And Whatnot
Tipster Jon R. reports that Ray Lewis "made an impromptu visit to Elon University for their spring football game last week and gave a very powerful speech. ... The game was actually postponed due to thunderstorms." Story moral: God hates people who listen to Ray Lewis giving very powerful speeches...
Here's Video Of The Cristiano Ronaldo Goal That Beat Barcelona Today
Real Madrid won the Copa del Rey over blood rival Barcelona 1-0 on an extra-time goal by pretty boy Cristiano Ronaldo. Great, chippy game settled on a header in the 103rd minute. As it stands, Real now leads the four-pronged El Clasico 1-0-1....
Don't Worry, Dodgers Fans: Bud Selig Is In Charge Now
Bud Selig announced today that he will appoint a league representative to oversee "business and the day-to-day operations of the Club," so there's your explanation for Frank McCourt's mingling with the common folk last Thursday....
Woody Durham, The Vin Scully Of North Carolina: An Appreciation
One of Tobacco Road basketball's lesser-touted but nonetheless enduring traditions is the hatred at all four schools of television announcing. Raycom or ESPN, Dan Bonner or Mike Patrick, Dick Vitale or, especially, the execrable Billy Packer — depending on your household, they're all either utter...
High School Baseball Player Gets Awesomely Creative With His Slide At The Plate
Caleb Walker, a player for Tupelo High in Mississippi, rounded third with his team down a run last Thursday and decided he would score. Walker told WTVA that this play was "one of the greatest moments of my life" — and since our share of high school glory moments are nothing like this, we'll give ...
Your Barcelona-Real Madrid Segundo Clásico Open Thread
The Spanish Superbowl enters its second stage today in Valencia. This one is for the championship of the Copa del Rey. On Saturday, Real Madrid managed a shorthanded come-from-behind 1-1 draw in a league game. Over the next two weeks, the teams will play twice more to decide a Champions League semif...
What Does The Splinter Group Of Players Mean For The Lockout?
A group about 70 less rich, less famous NFL players are about to hire their own law firm to get them a seat at the bargaining table. What does this mean? Like everything else in tightlipped lockout land, who the fuck knows? But here's our best interpretation....
Kurt Warner Talks Dancing, Theodicy On His <em>Good Day L.A.</em> Interview
Of all places for Kurt Warner to get backed up against a wall, and then repeatedly and viciously head-butted about his religion, a Good Day L.A. interview was not our first guess. But yesterday, the former NFL quarterback and born-again Christian joined Jillian Reynolds, Steve Edwards, and Dorothy...
How These Two White Guys Wound Up In This Kendrick Perkins Family Photo
Like most white guys from suburban Boston, half-brothers Brian Johnson and Justin Tsouros had never hung out with an NBA player. So when they arrived at the condo in Waltham, Mass., one evening in the fall of 2007, they didn't quite know what to expect. The place was dark. The blinds were drawn. But...
Your Football Team Will Win 11, Maybe 12 Games Next Season
With the release of the NFL schedule, fans everywhere finally have the chance to see their team's 16-game slate, and work out probable final records. And yeah, look at those games; your team's going to the playoffs for sure....
<i>NYDN</i>: "Blah blah blah blah rain blah blah blah Niese blah blah Astros blah blah Mets got spanked."
New York Daily News scribe Andy Martino has written a game story that speaks for every fan of the 2011 Mets. What it lacks in rhetorical fluency it makes up for in, uh, truth. This isn't an editing error, although it may look that way at first blush. The Mets have reached the summit of suck....
British Soccer Announcer Makes Most British Goal Call Ever
Dejan Stankovic scored a beautiful goal for Inter Milan in their 1-0 win over Roma in the Coppa Italia semifinal yesterday, and the great Ray Hudson was there for Gol TV's call. Magisterial, indeed....
Your Dreams And Skulls Shall Be Ground Beneath The Treads Of PhillieBot
Last night April 19, 2011, at 8:11pm PDT, the Skynet system went online, at least according to the Terminator franchise. Skynet first becomes self-aware tomorrow, April 21, 2011....
Star Of <i>Fred Claus</i> Points And Laughs At Four-Time NHL All-Star
Your morning roundup for April 20, the day we started buying all of our heroin on Craigslist....
This Is How Four Guys Who Can't Play Basketball Let New York Down
Well, the Knicks lost to the Celtics earlier this evening, 96-93, which puts Stat, Melo, and their motley gang of invalids in a 2-0 hole with the series headed back to New York....
Over At CNN, ESPN's LZ Granderson Takes Aim At American Culture, Whore-Friendly Panties
ESPN.com/ESPN Mag columnist LZ Granderson joined CNN last week, apparently writing a weekly column in addition to his ESPN gig. Why would Granderson need another online platform, one might wonder, especially since his Page 2 pieces often tackle stuff other columnists won't?...