el Page 2220 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Finally, a No-Hassle Way to Receive Semen From a Dude That Looks Like This
What mother wouldn't want a puffy, bloated, thick-necked bouncing baby boy? Thanks to a sperm bank in Los Angeles, you can make your dream of birthing Ben Roethlisberger's baby without sleeping with Ben Roethlisberger come true....
Why Your Stadium Sucks: U.S. Cellular Field
This is a weekly feature in which I (and maybe you, too, readers) detail the various reasons for hating your ballpark. This week: The Chicago White Sox's U.S. Cellular Field....
9 Days Is A Long Time To Hold A Grudge
"N.Y. Post sports writers have been told they are welcome to return to ESPN television and radio programs, effective immediately." [Watchdog/DeitschTwitter]...
The One With Assorted Handsy Photos And Absurd Complaints
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....
American Sports Need More PowerPoint Presentations
Michael Owen—remember the "Michael Jordan of soccer" talk?—put together a 32-page brochure about his accomplishments and handsomeness to try and convince teams to give him a contract. Nothing says "dangerous goal scorer" quite like bar graphs! [DailyMirror/Decleater]...
ESPN Dresses Subjects In Electrodes To Measure "Arousal"
At tWWL's lab, focus groups decked out in wires watch ESPN and researchers monitor their eye movements, heart rate and skin conductivity. Sounds like torture! Testers are supposed to be anonymous, but if you want to blow the whistle... [USAToday]...
Odd Foreigner Chooses Fruity Little Tattoo Over Reebok Deal
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Starbury's Figurative Train Wreck Becomes A Literal Car Crash
We knew they shouldn't have let him outside. At the 1:45 mark, Stephon's car appears to jump the curb, or maybe run over an old lady. But "don't worry about it. It ain't nothin' but the Devil." [H/T reader Brian]...
Starred Commenter Theater: The Watermelonheads
Fans, wearing watermelons on their heads, watch the Rays-Blue Jays game in Toronto on Saturday. [Canadian Press/Associated Press via WSJ]...
Stephen A. Smith: Pundit Voice Of Moderation?
So Stephen A. Smith has reinvented himself as a malapropping political bloviator on MSNBC. This is truly an amazing fact of American cultural life, and I'm not sure it's sunk in yet....
Lisa Mayfield Did Not Appreciate The "Whore" Remarks
NASCAR's Jeremy Mayfield is being sued by his stepmother, Lisa, for "slanderous, false and defamatory statements" she says he made about her. You mean the murdering whore thing? Wait ... you were upset about?...
A One-Day Study On Use And Variance Of "Pussy" Uttered By Brian Urlacher
First Bobby Wade said that Brian Urlacher called new teammate Jay Cutler a pussy. Urlacher denied it. Then Urlacher said the radio stations starting this nonsense were the pussies. Explanations and clarifications disrupt a quiet Wednesday in the Windy City....
Rick Reilly®, Sportsmanship Nazi
"I hated that sweater for the same reason I hate when a player preens for the camera in the 'I'm going to Disney World' commercials," Reilly writes in his latest, thus completing his transformation into Andy Rooney....
Sports Writer Turns To Pimping For Extra Cash
Things are tough these days for newspapers (don't say it) and their writers (don't say it), but if you must work a second job, please don't try "deriving income from prostitution," because that just causes more difficulties for you. (Don't....)...
Sources: With Favre's Decision, ESPN Will Have To Turn Elsewhere For Worthless Scoops
One of the many tragedies of Brett Favre's non-unretirement is that Ed Werder and Chris Mortensen, ESPN's Woodward and Bernstein of the small-bore, will no longer be feverishly working their anonymous sources for the world's most trivial Favre scoops....
Cliff Lee Wins Roy Halladay Sweepstakes
Phillies give up farm parts for last year's Cy Young Award Winner and also add right-handed bat Disco Ben Francisco.[The Phillies Zone]...
Jack Wilson, Ian Snell Released From Pirate Jail
Pittsburgh gives Seattle their shortstop and a nervous nellie pitcher in exchange for a vanload of prospects and an autographed picture of Sasquatch. [MLB.com]...
Birmingham's Fake Basketball Tournament Causes International Incident
Venezuela's national basketball team flew all the way to Alabama to participate in an international tournament, only to discover they were the only international team there. Also, the "tournament" was just one game. You've done it again, Birmingham, Alabama....
Heck Of A Career, Jim, But Can You DH Tomorrow?
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....