el Page 2401 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Keeping The Rug In Place While Underwater
Just to continue our early-morning motif of embarassing photos of coaches and managers, we present this photo of Kansas coach Bill Self, splashing around with his troops in Hawaii before the tournament last week....
NBA Roundup: NOOCH Happens
Notes from Wednesday's games in the National Basketball Association ......
Big Ben Gets The Brady Treatment
The guy who made that my-lord-it's-everywhere Tom Brady tribute video has come out with a new one, devoted to SHOTY Tournament quarterfinalist Ben Roethlisberger. It's moderately amusing, but we mostly enjoy that it briefly features our famous Big Ben photos and ends with the line "Should have start...
ESPN Wants Your Gritty Slices Of Urban Life
So, let's see: We have ESPN The Weekend, ESPN The Restaurant, ESPN The Radio Station, ESPN The Magazine, ESPN The Cellphone Provider, ESPN The Video Game Content Survivor and, inevitably, ESPN The Bi-Curious Brothel. What's next? Well, how about ESPN The Film Festival!...
Michael Irvin, Deconstructed By Science
A new study, one of those studies that old white men who don't get out of the office much put together ostensibly to justify a life in which they will die alone and covered in graham crackers, makes the claim that the feeling of being in "love" exhibits behavioral changes most consistent with psycho...
NBA Roundup: The Game's Afoot
Notes from Monday's games in the National Basketball Association ......
Jeff Garcia Cannot Be Destroyed By A Mortal Man
From our experience, when Jeff Garcia is making this motion, and he's about to chuck it long and downfield, something bad is about to happen. We mean, it's Jeff Garcia! The last few years, his main purpose has been to be the target of Terrell Owens' sublimated man-on-man urges....
Amazingly, This Is Actually An Important NFC Game
As insane as it might be to contemplate, the Philadelphia Eagles, a team that seemingly hasn't won in months, a team that is legitimately trying to figure out if they're going to start Jeff Garcia or A.J. Feeley, a team that its fans can't even muster up enough enthusiasm to hate properly ... this t...
Watch Your Beer Around Carl Lewis
The first time we ever remember hearing about steroids, as far as we can recollect, was Canadian sprinter Ben Johnson, a guilty finding made all the more hilarious because he's Canadian. (Kind of.) Well, over the weekend, Johnson revealed that he has finally, 18 years later, figured out who famously...
Wear The Jersey Of Your Favorite Player's Venereal Disease!
You might remember the famous OutSports expose on the words that the NFL won't allow you to print on the back of their jerseys. Apparently, this guy, from the Atlanta game last weekend, was somehow able to iron on this tribute to Ron Mexico himself....
Baron Davis Doesn't Give A Damn About Your Eyesight
That's Golden State Warriors swingman Monta Ellis, who's having a breakout year. He's come out of nowhere to average better than 18 points and 4 assists per game for the Warriors. It's the kind of performance that gets a guy picked up in a lot of fantasy leagues, and then gets a guy enough attention...
Cultural Oddsmaker: Which Other White Players "Have Some Brother In Them?"
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think....
Uh, Jack, You Missed A Spot. A Big Spot
Sorry, Mr. Orton: There's a new neck beard champion. This photo, swiped by 55 Problems, shows Jack Nicholson with the strangest neck beard we've ever seen. Uh, you'll fix that by Oscar night, right Jack?...
The Big Ben Police Dog
We bring you this famous YouTube video of the world's worst police dog in honor of the news that Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has offered to buy a new police dog for his hometown of Findlay, Ohio, after theirs was killed when it ran into a neighbor's yard. (Deserved it, too!)...
NBA Roundup: Um, Kobe Is Back, Apparently
Notes from Thursday's games in the National Basketball Association ......
It's Never Too Early In Wrigleyville
Honestly, the Cubs are kind of freaking us out with all this spending business. The overspend for Aramis Ramirez, they really overspend for Mark DeRosa and they REALLY overspend on Alfonso Soriano, and now they're supposedly going after Jason Schmidt. We're not necessarily concerned that these acq...
Free Mikey
The sea was angry that day, my friends. Like an old man returning soup at a deli....
Flush With Two-Ply Dreams Of Greatness
The Bakersfield Condors are a minor league hockey franchise in California, whose team motto is Soaring to New Heights. And never will that be more in evidence than on Friday during Toilet Paper Roll Giveaway Night, as the Condors take on the Fresno Falcons....
Please, Someone, Make Strahan Just Go Away
All right, we'll say it: We absolutely do not believe Michael Strahan when he does anything anymore. Everything the guy does seems so calculated, so media-savvy, so gay dramatic ... well, we just don't buy it anymore. If this guy played in Jacksonville, no one would know about him, or care....
Sometimes, We Just Learn A Bit Too Much
We know, we're soulless ironists, not connected to the problems of the everyday world, except to mock them. We accept your scorn, and we probably deserve it....