England Page 7 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Shithead England Hooligans Pour Drinks On Unsuspecting Boaters
The England national team is currently in Amsterdam for a World Cup tune-up friendly against the Netherlands. Lots of English fans also made the trip out to Amsterdam, and they too are using the trip to practice for World Cup. Sadly, it looks like the English hooligans have already mastered their pa...
Peterborough United Desperately Sweeps To End Snow Delay
Snow days were great, and if you have the opportunity to get one as an adult, you should absolutely take it. But props to third-tier English soccer team Peterborough United for powering through and doing the absolute most they could do to avoid going home early on account of the late-February flurri...
England Cheese Rolling Festival Canceled Because Kids Don’t Think It’s Cool Anymore
Kids nowadays! All they care about is Nando’s and Jeremy Corbyn and none of them even want to hear just how dope it can be to roll a fake block of cheese down the street. That’s why the annual Stilton, England cheese rolling competition has been canceled this year....
The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is This Poor Bloke's Escalator Odyssey From Hell
Rarely does any scenario become worse after your dick and balls get smashed to hell. But our friend here, wearing what appears to be a Bristol City or maybe an England kit, was only beginning to get acquainted with true pain when he went airborne....
English Eighth-Tier Player Scores First-Class Golazo
Danny Dubidat plays for Alvechurch FC, way down in the “Northern Premier League Division One South,” which is level eight on the massive English soccer pyramid. No matter where you are, though, anyone can get a shot at glory....
Goalkeeper Gets Red Card For Taking A Piss In The Middle Of Match
Not many were sure why, but in the 86th minute of this weekend’s Salford City-Bradford Park Avenue match in England’s sixth-tier league, Salford keeper Max Crocombe was sent off for something that happened away from the action on the field. Soon, though, it became clear: Crocombe had taken a pee bre...
You Won't Regret Watching This Preposterous Minute Of Non-League English Soccer
Okay, I don’t want to spoil anything for you, so let me just set the scene. This is action in the North West Counties Football League of England, with Padiham down 3-1 against Widnes in the 92nd minute. Widnes, the leaders, are in yellow, while Padiham is in blue. Now watch:...
Soccer Fan Travels Halfway Around The World To Visit Tiny Club He Plays On <i>Football Manager</i>
You’d think that Runcorn Linnets, the name of an English soccer club currently competing in the North West Counties League a whopping eight divisions below the Premier League, wouldn’t hold much importance outside of the tiny pocket of ostensible fans tucked away in northern England. You’d be wrong....
Harry Kane's Stoppage-Time Goal Sends England To The World Cup
Of course it had to be Harry Kane, England’s captain on the night, the so-called “one-year wonder” who has been defying skeptics with an unending deluge of goals for about three years now, his home nation’s one true world-class player, who came to England’s rescue tonight. After a fairly drab displa...
Boxer's Dreadful Little Son Punches Opponent In The Dick At Weigh-In
Boxers will usually preen and maybe even scuffle with each other at weigh-ins to scare up interest for their match, but when has a fighter’s small child ever punched his rival in the penis? ...
FIFA Wants To Know Who Dele Alli Was Flipping The Bird To<em></em>
It’s a little hard to summarize this one, so I’ll start with just the facts and explain later: Late on during Monday’s England-Slovakia World Cup qualifier, Dele Alli raised his middle finger at ... someone, and now FIFA is looking into it to determine if the target of Alli’s bird was someone who co...
Cricket Match Suspended After Crossbow Bolt Lands On The Field
Today’s County Championship cricket match between Surrey and Middlesex at the Oval ended in a draw after a metal-tipped crossbow bolt landed onto the field. No one was hurt, and police aren’t sure if it was even intentional....
Live-Tweeting Of Soccer Match Interrupted When Social Media Manager Subbed Into Game
We’ve seen before just how versatile lower league soccer players have to be in order to keep their clubs functioning and their fans informed. Just this weekend, we saw another example when a Baldock Town player continued in the proud tradition of Sleaford Town’s Harrison Allen by dutifully tweeting ...
Wayne Rooney Announces Retirement From England National Team
Wayne Rooney appears to be in the early stages of a career renaissance after leaving Manchester United for Everton this summer, so it’s a little odd that he’d pick this time to announce that he has declined a call-up with the England team and instead has decided to officially retire from internation...
English Women's National Soccer Player Accuses Coach Of Racism<em></em>
A player on the English women’s national soccer team, Eni Aluko, received a settlement earlier this year from the Football Association after she accused the coach, Mark Sampson, and other staff members of “bullying and harassment.” Aluko received £80,000 despite the fact that the FA said they found ...
England Overcome Potential Bucknering To Beat India For Women's Cricket World Cup Title
England overcame Jenny Gunn dropping what should have been the match’s final out when Anya Shrubsole bowled out India’s Rajeshwari Gayakwad to claim the women’s cricket World Cup....
Which Upper Class Twit Attending This Fancy Horse Race Are You?
The Royal Ascot, the most prestigious meet of Britain’s horse racing season (yes, the one with the hats), begins next week. And if you’re going to attend, the organizers want to make sure that they’ve got your title correct. Wouldn’t do to be rude....
Harry Kane And The Teens Could Drag England Into Relevancy
England’s starting lineup for Saturday’s World Cup qualifier against Scotland was laughable for a country whose top league is the deepest in the world, but maybe understandable. For all the talent in the Premier League, very few stars actually hail from England, and consequently, the national team i...
Scotland Score Two Free Kick Goals To Take Lead In Final Five Minutes; Still Don't Win
Leigh Griffiths hammered home a pair of free-kick goals in the final five minutes of Scotland’s World Cup qualifier against England today, taking a 2-1 lead only to see the match end in a draw thanks to, yeah, Harry Kane....
Spanish Forward Wants Out Of England, Says His Daughter "Looks Like She's Been Living In A Cave"
Out of favor Manchester City forward Nolito, who started only nine matches last season, wants to leave the club due to his lack of playing time, the difficulty of learning English, and because he doesn’t want his daughter turning into a sallow-faced, English-looking person....