England Page 8 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
"Fuck You, I'm Millwall!" Londoner Says He Took On Bridge Attackers After A Few Pints
A soccer fan from London said he tried to stop the attackers on London Bridge on Saturday after drinking, he said, “four or five pints, nothing major.” According to the Guardian, the Millwall fan, Roy Larner, was stabbed in the attack and was taken to the hospital with serious injuries, but is now o...
Please Enjoy This Extremely English Politician's Awkward Campaign Ad<em></em>
I’m not quite sure what to say about this campaign ad recently released by Greg Knight, a Tory MP representing East Yorkshire. Consider that Knight told the press “I never aspired to be an Alan Partridge” after it went viral; consider that he did so because, to a first approximation, every single ou...
Chip Brand's Automated Twitter Promotion Spirals Out Of Control
Fancy a crisp? How about a bag of Walkers, the Frito-Lay-owned brand that broadcasted videos of Gary Lineker holding framed portraits of serial killers and convicted pedophiles? Who’s hungry?...
What Is Wrong With The English
The nightmare you see above is the birthday dinner of choice not for a random insane person, but for 42-year-old multimillionaire global celebrity sports icon David Beckham, who could have virtually anything in the world to eat. He chose this. Beans, some kind of sad approximation of fries, ham, not...
UK Tax Authorities Raid West Ham And Newcastle
Newcastle’s addiction to buying French players has finally caught up with the club. DeAndre Yedlin’s soon-to-be promoted club and Premier League club West Ham are both the subject of an investigation by the HM Revenue and Customs office, the UK’s tax authority, for alleged tax fraud. Newcastle boss ...
Lukas Podolski's Last Goal For Germany Was A Poetic Banger
In Lukas Podolski’s last appearance for Germany’s national team, the former Arsenal man, corner kick extraordinaire, and guy known for absolutely crushing the ball launched a rocket into the top right corner in the 69th minute to beat England 1-0 in the friendly. It was the perfect final goal for th...
Italian Soccer Guy Playing In England Misses Pasta And The Sun
Italy’s Andrea Ranocchia joined Premier League stragglers Hull City this season, hoping to work his way back on to the Italian national team. In the meantime, he’s doing his best to adjust to life in England, but there a couple things from Italy he really misses. Namely, pasta and sunshine. ...
Dance Like Nobody's Watching
These Englishmen are enjoying their first exposure to direct sunlight....
With 90th Minute Goal, England Beats U.S. Women's National Team For First Time On American Soil
The U.S. women’s national team lost to England for the first time ever on home soil, giving up a goal in the 90th minute to fall 1-0 in their second match of the SheBelieves Cup, the team’s only major international competition of the year....
Keeper Gets Way Too Mad About Giving Up Goal
Even way down in the ninth tier of English soccer, players do not like to lose. Case in point: Cray Valley Paper Mills FC goalkeeper Jordan Carey’s reaction to this Ashford United goal:...
Newcastle Lucks Into Unbelievably Dumb Golazo
Sometimes you bang in a golazo by spinning through a box full of defenders and hitting the ball perfectly. Other times you just sort of stand there and let the ball hit you and it goes in anyway. Soccer is dumb like that. Case in point: this goal from Newcastle....
Italy Exploited An Insane Rugby Loophole, Enraging England<em></em>
Italy’s national rugby team has never beaten England. The Italians have played the English 23 times and they’ve lost 23 times. This weekend, England beat Italy, 36-15, in the Six Nations Championship, just as everyone expected they would. However, the unsurprising outcome of the game belies the cont...
British Police Have Identified Over 500 Potential Victims Of Sexual Abuse In Soccer
Britain’s National Police Chiefs’ Council has released an update on the widespread investigation into sexual abuse in British soccer and the numbers are staggering. According to the NPCC, there are:...
England Manager Sam Allardyce Loses Job After Just One Game In Charge
England manager Sam Allardyce and the FA have “mutually agreed to terminate his contract,” one day after The Telegraph published the results of a hidden-camera investigation in which Allardyce advises “businessmen” on how to get around third-party ownership rules. It isn’t a particularly damning inv...
England Manager Sam Allardyce Reportedly Caught Telling Businessmen How To Cheat FA Rules
Last year, FIFA outlawed the practice of third-party ownership of players, which is essentially a way for businesses to hold a stake in a soccer player and collect a cut of their transfer fees. It comes with a minefield of conflicts of interests and can help explain why certain elite players get squ...
Report: Next England Manager Will Be Big Sam Allardyce
England manager Roy Hodgson quit after his team was knocked out of the Euro round of 16 by plucky Iceland, two years after his unimaginative tactics and poor squad selection saw England finish at the bottom of their group at the 2014 World Cup. According to Sky Sports, the FA have found Hodgson’s re...
English Commentator's Heart Breaks In Real-Time When He Sees Iceland Score On England
Former England manager Steve McClaren had the misfortune of commentating on his country’s humiliating loss against Iceland for Sky Sports yesterday. Watch as he goes from desperately projected confidence to utter despair in about three seconds, and chuckle to yourself about England’s unceasing failu...
Harry Kane's Futile Free Kick Against Iceland Gets The Roasting It Deserves
Straight up sports and pop culture mashups are usually bad. But occasionally, they are silly enough to work, like this one, in which Harry Kane’s wayward free kick in England’s pantsing by Iceland gets the Titanic-themed dramatization it deserves....
Iceland Players Earn Spot In Valhalla By Toppling England
The ancients foretold the coming of Ragnarök, the great battle of men and gods that would take the lives of countless figures both small and great, culminating in the destruction of the world as we know it today. A select few fallen warriors, hand-picked by Odin himself, would, upon their deaths aft...
Iceland Striker's Mighty Foot, Imbued With Power Of Odin's Spear, Puts Team Up 2-1 On England
The Viking warriors that make up the Iceland national team are in the fight of their lives right now, trying to take down England as huge underdogs. England went up early with a Wayne Rooney penalty, but Iceland leveled almost immediately through Ragnar Sigurdsson, before Kolbeinn Sigthorsson’s cool...