im Page 511 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The 49ers' New Head Coach Is Some Guy You've Never Heard Of
According to ESPN's Adam Schefter, the San Francisco 49ers are about to make defensive line coach Jim Tomsula the new head coach of the team. Feel free to pretend like you know all about Jim Tomsula and are therefore capable of determining whether this is a good or bad move....
Tall Grandpa Mark Hendrickson Is Trying A Comeback
Is there anything better than a good comeback attempt, especially one where everybody involved recognizes the minuscule chance of it being successful, yet wants to give it a shot anyway because what the hell, why not? Hope springs eternal in Orioles minicamp, where 40-year-old grandpa and former NBA...
How To Clean A Frat House, And Keep It That Way
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....
Domestic Violence Charges Against Hope Solo Dropped
U.S. Women's National team goalkeeper Hope Solo had both misdemeanor assault charges against her dropped Tuesday, according to the New York Times. Solo was arrested in June, after police responded to a 911 call from her home and found her sister and 17-year-old nephew with visible injuries. The poli...
What Do We Know About Rob Konrad's 16 Hours At Sea?
Alone under the sky, impossibly far from anyone who could help him and miles from shore, the former football player swam nine—or was it 27?—miles to save his life. He pictured his two daughters waiting for him back home, and used the sun and stars to guide himself through shark-infested waters to ...
How To Not Suck At Tinder
It's cool to be good at Tinder, but it's far more important that you not be absolutely terrible at Tinder. So for starters, all you men-seeking-women types out there need to learn one important rule: Even if you match with a girl—and let me put this in italics so you'll remember—she has no obligatio...
Who Wants Jim Schwartz?
After Rex Ryan became the head coach of the Bills, defensive coordinator Jim Schwartz found himself in an odd position. Ryan wanted him to stay with the team, but Schwartz is choosing to move on and find work elsewhere. So, who wants him?...
"Scott Van Pelt Still Look Like A Penis," And Other Mean CFB Tweets
Here's the obligatory Disney conglomerate mean-tweet-reading reacharound. There's a good SVP joke in there, but as always, what you're looking for here is the moron who can't even ham up a tweet correctly (it's Jesse Palmer, who sucks). ...
The Patriots Annoyed John Harbaugh By Having Fun With Eligible Receivers
The Patriots needed creativity to beat the Ravens last night. Julian Edelman showed he could throw a deep ball better than Tom Brady on a trick-play touchdown bomb to Danny Amendola, but New England also ran a few plays that mixed up eligible receivers. Those formations were totally legal, but Balti...
Boston Area Residents Fear Baltimore's "Thug Factor"
Some things never change, as evidenced by this couple from Hanover who admit that Baltimore makes them nervous because of the "thug factor."...
Bears DB Arrested For DUI While Speeding To Parent-Teacher Conference
Chicago Bears cornerback Tim Jennings was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence around noon on Wednesday. Pulled over for going 99 mph in a 65 mph zone, when asked to explain why he was going so fast, Jennings reportedly told the officer he was late for his kid's parent-teacher confer...
TK Is For Tommy Kraggs
You could tell Craggs thought he was the best writer at Deadspin because he never wrote, and when he did write, it was on the crappiest subject possible. Roll back through his scanty archive (by the time you get to page two, you're already in August): It's Peter King Quarterly, little pull-top cans ...
An Ungodly Monster Of A Stout From Colorado
Last week I told all you big, dirty motherfuckers that we were getting off the imperial stouts for a few. You know, get our heads together, our resolutions set in stone, our children's names remembered, the whole deal. Ha. Check it out: I lied. People who write about beer for half a living will do t...
Jonathan Martin Says He Whomped A Shoplifter At The Versace Store
The picture above was tweeted out last night by 49ers offensive lineman Jonathan Martin, and it depicts the apparent aftermath of Martin putting the hurt on some dude who was trying to steal from a Versace store....
Robert Swift Arrested For Armed Robbery: Report
Ex-Supersonic Robert Swift—who was charged two months ago with a gun crime—was arrested Tuesday about an hour away from Seattle for armed robbery, reports KIRO. According to KIRO's report, Swift and his accomplice are not criminal masterminds:...
Yeah, So, Andrew Wiggins Is Getting Good
There wasn't a whole lot to say about Andrew Wiggins in the early part of the season, because before dunking all over Kevin Love, he wasn't really doing much to get excited about. Lately, however, the 19-year-old rookie has started to look like a pretty damn good NBA player....
![Forget Steve Ballmer, Body-Rollin' Mop Boy Is The Truth [Update: He's A Goddamn Fraud]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/fzqsdootyryfe2cknsyj.png)
Forget Steve Ballmer, Body-Rollin' Mop Boy Is The Truth [Update: He's A Goddamn Fraud]
Everyone had a good laugh at Clippers owner Steve Ballmer when he Dadded the fuck out during a live Fergie performance at last night's Clippers game, but while we were all giggling at the sweaty bald man, we missed the real star of the show....
Introducing: The Shabazz Assist
Two years ago, Grantland's Kirk Goldsberry introduced the Kobe Assist, a new statistic that "proves that missing shots is sometimes just as valuable as making them." Goldsberry's analysis was interesting, but it left out a key component: the dunkpass. You see, Goldsberry examined what percentage o...
Hahahaha The Cavs Traded Two First-Rounders For Timofey Mozgov
OK, there are a few ways to look at this. ...