ing Page 1413 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Wayne Rooney Scored A Hat Trick, Swore In Celebration, Got A Two-Match Ban
Premier League justice is worse than Sheriff Goodell's....

Hey, Did Everyone Notice The Yankees Were Cheating?
Along with Louis Murphy's Viagra bust, this was another good story to break before a weekend and be completely ignored....

We Are All Dave McKenna LIX
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit gets a good judicial colon cleansing. Today's topic: Charging people $15 to watch cheerleading tryouts....

The Nationals Extend Their Lead In The Spelling-Fails Sweepstakes
First, they got John Lannan's name wrong on the scoreboards during introductions. Then, they were "honoriing" the heroes of 9/11. Now comes word that the Washengtin Natchonulls broadcast partner shouted outfielder Laynce Nix out as "Lance Nix" on MASN, per tipster James, who offered photographic ev...

We Are All Dave McKenna LVIII (Busted Piñata Head Edition)
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit is smashed to bits to the point that all the pieces of Vero, Pulparindo, Pelon Pelo Rico, Duvalin and Canel's fall to the ground....

Here's A Picture Of Alex Ovechkin With His Arm Draped Over The First Lady's Shoulder
Alex Ovechkin of the Washington Capitals titled this piece of artistry, "With the First Lady!" and posted it on Twitter yesterday. Awesome on so very many levels not the least of which is the availability of $25 cabernet, per the wall-mounted wine list. If this image doesn't warrant lifting the uns...

Dennis Rodman Recognizes The Importance Of Family
Your morning roundup for April 2, the day that the color starts returning to the knuckles of passengers and crew on Southwest Flight 812, the plane with a three-foot hole in its side....

We Are All Dave McKenna LVII
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit is close-captioned in shut the fuck up....

Courtroom Sketches Of A Guy Doing Courtroom Sketches At The Barry Bonds Trial
Our friend Bethlehem Shoals is covering the Bonds trial for The Daily. He provided exclusively to Deadspin these drawings of courtroom artist Norman Quebedeau, whose recent work can be found here....

Your Other Opening Day Open Thread
Aw, don't feel bad that MLB gave you a Friday game to open the season. For example, it's slightly more acceptable to booze your way through the game. We're looking at you, Phillies fans....

Texas HS Baseball Players Charged In Chicken Decapitations
Western Hills High School's baseball team is 7-15 on the season. That's not a very good record. "Change the atmosphere in the clubhouse," old-timey baseball men would say. The team needs some clutch, some grit, some hustle....

One Day Into The Season, The Nationals Have Had Two Spelling Fails
The Nationals, a team forever cursed by one innocent screw-up, stand ready to be judged at the slightest hint of typographical imperfection. The Nats have yet to plate a runner in this young season, but they're off to a good start in other areas....

Crying Baby Distracts Tennis Player, Tennis Player Lobs Ball Toward Crying Baby
En route to a loss to new American No.1 Mardy Fish at the Sony Ericsson Open yesterday, Spaniard David Ferrer found himself annoying by a crying infant in the stands. Double faulting and then losing serve, he finally lost his patience: sending the ball in the general vicinity of the child....

It Took A Self-Proclaimed "Hockey Luvin Homo" To Make A Canucks-Kings Game Noteworthy
Your morning roundup for April 1, the day you are permitted to seek vengeance against anybody who you think has wronged you, with no legal ramifications whatsoever....

The Washington Nationals's Big Off-Season Signing Is Batting .250 And Possibly Sitting To Go Number 1
Jayson Werth, the Washington Nationals's $126 million right-field prize, went 1-for-4 with one strikeout in his Beltway debut, a 2-0 loss to the Atlanta Braves....

Your First Night Game Of The Season Open Thread
Opening Day for 12 of 29* Major League Baseball franchises comes to a close with a Giants/Dodgers game. One team is the defending World Series Champion; the other fills some seats with gang-bangers. Facts....

Now A Grouchy Old Lesbian, Pete Rose Returned From Arsenio Hall's Rummage Sale In Time For Opening Day
Bud Selig, you've officially broken this man's spirit. Please remedy this situation and put Peter Edward Rose in the Hall of Fame before his sanity dissipates any further....

We Are All Dave McKenna LVI
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit is found face-down in a puddle....

Chad Pennington Bucks Tradition And Injures His Leg Instead Of His Arm
Two-time Comeback Player of the Year and current free agent Chad Pennington went and did something wholly original this week: he injured his leg instead of injuring his arm. To be exact, Pennington tore his ACL while playing in a pickup basketball game. Add this to his 2003 fractured hand, his 2005 ...

Old Hoss Flipping The Bird, And More: An Opening Day Retrospective
Peter Nash, resident baseball historian and former 3rd Bass prime minister, has pulled together some Opening Day memorabilia porn for your viewing pleasure. Like this 1886 Opening Day photo from Boston featuring Old Hoss Radbourn (top left) expressing joy about having his picture taken. Dive in....