ing Page 1642 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
It's Purple Jesus Vs. The Neckbeard
Yes, yes, tonight's "Monday Night Football" game is somewhat key to deciding that last playoff slot in the NFC, and it's nice to have an MNF game mean something. But who cares about Purple Jesus and the Vikings. It's Kyle Orton's night to shine!...
Joe Buck Verbally Gropes Jessica Simpson. Eww.
The one question that needed to be asked and wasn't: What's the worse fashion mistake: Simpson's pink No. 9, or Laura Quinn's half jersey? Please vote now....
About Last Night
What you missed while gettin' busy livin' ... • NFL: Shaun Hill is undefeated; third-string QB leads 49ers over Bengals. • NBA: Spurs top Nuggets in Duncan's return; Matt Bonner not impressed. • Div. III Football: ♫ Mt. Union goes falling down a-down to UW-Whitewater / That's cuz the Beaver learned ...
Vikings' Dwight Smith In Trouble Again
The Minnesota Vikings have a significant game against the Chicago Bears this Monday night, so it should come as no surprise that one of their players was arrested. That's just what they do. And I, for one, appreciate the consistency....
Rory Sabbatini And Roo
Rick linked to this yesterday, but I don't care. Video of a masturbating kangaroo interrupting play at the Australian PGA Championship last week is exactly the type of "sports news without discretion" you come here for. Well, that, and Nightmare Ant....
About Last Night
What you missed while sitting in a giant inflatable snow globe ... • College Football. Appalachian St. becomes Div. I-AA's first three-peat champs. • NBA. Rip City re-rising; Blazers win sixth straight 99-91 over Utah. • NHL. Bloody Alexei Ponikarovsky scores two; Leafs thrash Atlanta 4-0. (And yes,...
Inmate Sues Schrutebag For "Ear Poisoning"
We know we said that we weren't gonna mention the Schrutebag anymore. But we're afraid circumstances today make it impossible to avoid. We apologize....
Could This Be, At Long Last, The World's Funniest Name?
Just when this Mitchell Report business had about pummeled us senseless, one brave man marched forward to bring forth laughter once again. And he didn't have to say a word. Sorry, Kosuke Fukudome ... but this guy's name has got you beat. In fact, this just may be the best name ever. Say it with me, ...
The Wizards Can't Feel Their Faces
The NBA Closer is written by our own Canadian weekend maestro J.E. Skeets. When he's not busy scouring the box scores or eating slow-smoked ribs and beef briskets, he can be heard on The Basketball Jones daily podcast. Enjoy!...
Mmmm, It's A Boatload Of Goodness
Who can make the sun rise? Sprinkle it with dew? Fred Smoot can, that's who! How could an energy bar endorsed by the former Vikings sex boat participant — and produced by a company named 3Way Enterprises — not be a major success? Introducing the Smack Energy Bar!...
Michael Schumacher Has To Get To The Airport STAT
What do you do if you're Michael Schumacher and you have to get your wife, kids and new puppy to the airport by taxi, and you're late? You push the cabbie aside and do the driving yourself, of course. Hey, it's Germany; Formula One veterans are driving all the cabs....
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning for its wittiest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
Scary Morning In Indianapolis
Early this morning a series of gunshots were fired into the car of Indiana Pacers guard Jamaal Tinsley wounding Joey Qatato, the team's equipment manager. The Indy Star has the full story....
Scary Morning In Indianapolis
Early this morning a series of gunshots were fired into the car of Indiana Pacers guard Jamaal Tinsley wounding Joey Qatato, the team's equipment manager. The Indy Star has the full story...
Turning A Weary Eye Towards Football
• 1:00 or 4:00 — NFL: FOX Distribution Map [FOX] • 1:00 and 4:00 — NFL: CBS Distribution Maps: Early and Late [CBS] • 1:00 — Movie: Big Trouble [Comedy Central] • 2:30 — Soccer: Serie A, Milan vs. Torino [FSC] • 2:30 — Dog Show!: Pro-Plan Champions Cup [ESPN] • 3:00 — Movie: Lean on Me [BET] • 4:00 ...
Mayweather Disposes of Hatton In 10
Floyd Mayweather Jr. is simply better than everybody else on the planet, and now even the Brits have to admit that. In front of a raucous crowd high rollers, A-list celebrities, and Manchester's loudest drunks (that's a compliment!) Mayweather went toe-to-toe with the previously undefeated Ricky Hat...
Pretty Boy Is Going to Dominate
It should come as no surprise that I'm putting my support—and money—behind the best boxer on the planet, Floyd Mayweather Jr. The fight has never been short on storylines or hype, but when when Ricky Hatton sets foot in the ring with Mayweather he will simply be outclassed. The challenger makes for ...
Tune In Early to Get Your Money's Worth
If you're one of the millions of viewers paying to see the big Mayweather/Hatton fight tonight ($65 for HD) then you'd be wise to watch the whole thing. You never know how the main event will stack up (ed. note: I do!), so you might as well get a full night's worth of action for your purchase. Altho...