ing Page 1692 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Finally, YouTube Of Monday-Cooper, Part II
We know, it's a week-and-a-half old now, but we never did get a hold of YouTube of the gripping finale of the Carl Monday-Mike Cooper saga, and it has been nagging us, since we this whole thing started from YouTube anyway....
Floyd Cruises
It was Floyd Landis, as expected, rolling to victory in the Tour de France. Thor Hushovd won the final stage, which earns him not much more than a hearty pat on the back. It's Floyd who will sip the victory champagne, maybe for the first time in his life. That's a guess. Floyd just looks like a g...
Floyd Makes Us Proud
Floyd Landis did what Floyd Landis does this morning, cruising past Spaniard Oscar Pereiro to put himself in position to claim the Tour de France tomorrow. Pereiro started the day 30 seconds ahead of Landis, and finished it about a minute behind him. I don't know anything about cycling, but I kno...
Short People In Riding Pants Running
Because nothing amuses us like jockeys, here's a neat — if not necessarily new — promotion they're trying at Calder Race Course this weekend: A jockey race! Because nothing's more compelling that five-foot-tall guys sprinting....
The Return Of Portis' Head
We supposed part of us should be depressed by the news that Clinton Portis is taking his strangely brilliant "characters" from last season's Redskins press conferences and using them to shill for the NFL Network, but we can't quite summon up much outrage. Honestly? We're just happy to see the char...
Here Comes Landis!
OK, after we poked a little fun at him yesterday, we've gotta point out: American cyclist Floyd Landis appears to be a total badass. Today, after being counted out of the Tour de France after collapsing yesterday, he blasted by everyone to win the stage and slip just 30 seconds behind the leaders....
Please Don't Make Us Lonely In July
Forgive this trifle of self-indulgence, but after our brutal sojourn at Busch Stadium is completed, we're heading back toward our home plains of Illinois. Anybody out there fortunate enough to be so near miles of corn is invited to join us....
Morrison-Tyson: What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
Remember Tommy Morrison? In a more sports world with a little more flair than the one we inhabit, his story would be among the most compelling. Distant relative of John Wayne, co-star with Stallone in Rocky V, briefly heavyweight champion, beat George Foreman, spent 14 months in jail and, oh yeah,...
Are We Ready For A Tour de Landis?
Can Floyd Landis be the next Lance Armstrong? We as Americans have to decide, and soon. It's clear after Tuesday's 15th stage of the Tour de France that Landis just could win this thing. Are we sure if we can embrace a cycling icon who looks exactly like a slightly younger version of actor Jim Bro...
Only A Matter Of Time Before This Becomes An Olympic Sport, You Know
It is at once Carl Monday's worst nightmare, and everyone else's dream come true. On August 5, hundreds of people will gather in a hall in central London to, um, pleasure themselves for charity. We only wish we were kidding about the UK's first "masturbate-a-thon," in which contestants — both men ...
Curt Schilling Can't Live Without His Modem
As anyone who has ever been around Sons Of Sam Horn can attest, Red Sox LEGEND AND HERO Curt Schilling tends to spend a little too much time on the computer. (We can attest to this too; he's even emailed us.)...
One Final Monday-Cooper Explosion ... Be Ready
So if you're like us and you spend your weekends doing everything you can to avoid the computer, you might not know about this yet. So we feel like maybe you should sit down. Take a deep breath. You might not be ready....
A Little Mo' Zo
Alonzo Mourning has announced his intentions to return to the Miami Heat to help Jason Williams and Antoine Walker defend their NBA championship. Mourning was reportedly getting some attention and offers from other teams, including the San Antonio Spurs, but in the end, the allure of playing another...
Americans Temporarily Release Death Grip On Tour De France
Floyd Landis is no longer the leader of the Tour de France, after struggling in the longest stage of the Tour de France. Not only is he not leading anymore, but he's over a minute behind. The stage winner was a German named Jens Voigt, and the Overall leader is Spain's Oscar Pereiro....
It Just Keeps Giving
I'm afraid I gave you only part of the story with the earlier Mike Cooper post. Carl Monday has gotten himself involved again, and where there's Carl Monday, there's more story....
Mike Cooper Avoids Jail Time; Prison Showers
The sentence has come down, once again, courtesy of our man Jimbo. Mike Cooper, he of library-masturbating fame, was found guilty, and was fined $150 plus court costs. That's it. Bail was $500,000, and the fine is $150. All is well that ends well, I suppose. Who among us hasn't paid $150 for an or...
The Mike Cooper Sentencing ... You Are There!
Well, the Mike Cooper sentencing is over, and our man Jimbo was, indeed, there. We're still not sure precisely what Cooper's sentence was — Jimbo didn't make it that far into the proceedings — but he was there, and he even captured Cooper and his parents on his camera phone ... kind of....
Reds Fans Not Handling Kearns Trade Well
The first big trade of the baseball season went down yesterday, and, to just from the popular reaction, you'd think the Washington Nationals were in wild-card contention and the Cincinnati Reds were selling off. The Reds traded Austin Kearns and Felipe Lopez, two of their best young hitters, for a...
Thank God Mr. T Didn't Live To See This
When it comes to boxing, you just can't beat the combination of dimwitted, old and slow. Because it's Fun With Old People Day here, we would be remiss if we didn't remind you that the trailer for Rocky VI is out. In this one, Rocky leads a group of seniors who want to prevent network executives from...
Bowling's Watergate Has Nation On Edge
We've become accustomed to cheating in baseball and soccer; but when the purity of bowling is questioned, is there any hope for mankind? Dear God, it must be a mistake. Not bowling! Our story so far: Robert Mushtare, 17, of Carthage, N.Y., recently rolled two perfect 900 series and 12 perfect game...