lockoutwithyourcockout Page 4 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Brandon Jennings Needs A Refresher In Oblate Spheroids And Lockout Logic
If there was one thing that my high school science teachers taught me, it was that I should immediately lose any delusions about ever becoming a doctor, or doing anything related to memorization or numbers or earth science ever—and I thank them for that. But I think somewhere along the way, I did le...
Michael Beasley's Lockout Image Rehab Includes Ballet Lessons
Michael Beasley is one of the few NBA players who might actually manage to be more interesting when he's not playing professional basketball. Since the NBA lockout began, he's been cited for speeding and for marijuana possession, and he "mushed" a heckler during a game at Dyckman Park in August. Thi...
The NBA Keeps Lying About Competitive Balance
If there's one thing to know about management's position in the lockout, it's this: The competitive balance issue isn't about competitive balance. It's about extracting money from the players' pockets and giving it to the owners. Remember that. Cross-stich it onto a decorative throw pillow. Print it...
Idiot Utah Sports Columnist More Or Less Calls Amar'e Stoudemire A Dumb Negro
Doug Robinson, the resident paste-eating troglodyte at the Deseret News, has gone and written a truly remarkable column this week....
David Stern Called In Sick To The NBA Negotiations Today
David Stern has been working late nights this week, as the NBA negotiations with federal mediator George Cohen have stretched into 15- and 16-hour days. The commish is beleaguered and tired and now he has the flu. Deputy commissioner Adam Silver told the press today that Stern would be "an active ...
Bryant Gumbel Drops One Little Plantation Metaphor, And Everybody Loses Their Shit
You'll notice that Bryant Gumbel never once used the s-word in his criticism of David Stern last night. His extended analogy called the players "hired hands," which ought to put the lie to any suggestion that actual, literal slavery was being evoked. That hasn't stopped the usual backlash that comes...
Memphis Could Sue The NBA If It Doesn't Get Its Shit Together
In America, if you're not getting what you need quickly enough, there is always a simple back-up plan available: go to court, tie everything up in paperwork and bureaucracy, and end up with a settlement. It's almost one of our golden rules. And so it's almost a surprise that, with lockouts straining...
Here's Video Of Bryant Gumbel Calling David Stern A "Modern Plantation Overseer" On HBO's Real Sports Last Night
"His moves are intended to do little more than show how he's the one keeping the hired hands in their place." [The Basketball Jones, via Pro Basketball Talk]...
When I Dance They Call Me Kirilenko
CSKA Moscow, Andrei Kirilenko's new professional team in Russia, had its Media Day recently. Naturally, this involved the players breaking into three groups and dancing to Muzak and outdated pop songs on a stage in a giant banquet hall somewhere in Moscow....
The Theme Of Last Night's NLCS Game Was Set When Jerry Hairston Got Bucknered At Third
Your morning roundup for Oct. 15, the day we totally realized that Tums commercial with a randy corn dog is really a work of dong-involved artistry. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
David Stern's "Gut" Is Ruining Christmas For Everyone
The games that you will probably not be watching on Christmas this year are Celtics-Knicks, Heat-Mavs, and Bulls-Lakers, because even though it is only mid-October, the NBA lockout has already ruined Christmas for that small group of people for whom Christmas is about watching three over-hyped NBA g...
Italian Club Invokes MLK In Letter Begging Obama To Send Kobe Over
Just over a week ago, the Italian basketball club Virtus Bologna reported that it was working "very intensely" with Kobe Bryant's representatives to bring the Lakers star overseas during the NBA lockout. There were multiple points at which it was "almost a done deal." This week, the almost-done-deal...
The Delayed Start Of The NBA Season Gets The Taiwanese Animation Treatment
In Taiwanese animators's perception of the current NBA lockout, commissioner David Stern wields a chainsaw, cries when the Detroit Pistons flat-line in a hospital bed, guards Derek Fisher and gay marries Time Warner Cable. Also, LeBron James wears a lil-boy crown and gets shattered-backboard dunke...
Amar'e Stoudemire Suggests That Locked-Out NBA Players Could Start A League Of Their Own
Ever since the final round of negotiations ended unsuccessfully on Monday night, the NBA players have been goin' rogue in the only way that they know how: With Twitter tirades! Oh, and also with media circuits to help push their personal sneakers so that their bank accounts stay flush throughout the...
The NBA Lockout Caused Two Cameramen To Fight In Traffic
We all have our low points. If we are lucky, those low points are not caught on camera and then shared across The Internet. These two men—reportedly cameramen who were waiting out the NBA negotiations last night—were not so lucky. Here they are, assuming the boxing stances they learned from their ...
SprtsCntr: Winning Over Hearts, Minds, And Hannah Storm's Fist
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....
Kenyon Martin Would Like All Of His Haters To "Catch Full Blown AIDS And Die!"
A veteran of 11 NBA seasons, Kenyon Martin has no doubt encountered a hater or two in his travels throughout the league. One might thus assume he's conditioned himself to keep whatever negativity that gets hurled his way from truly bothering him. But one would be wrong....
Grading NBA Players On Their "LET US PLAY" Twitter Pleas
Today is last day the NBA lockout can end without missing games. Too bad. The lockout isn't ending, despite the social media screeching of various union members. The NBPA thankfully has retweeted much of that screeching solidarity. Here's how we classify it....
If You Dare Approach Frank Beamer On The Football Field, The Virginia State Police Will Disappear You
Your morning roundup for Oct. 9, the day we learned they won't keep you in the clink very long after threatening to cook your friend's mom. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
Adam Morrison Gets Thrown Out Of A Game In Serbia, Where He Is Playing Basketball, Apparently
For today's edition of Former College Hoops Sweathearts: Where Are They Now?, we're checking in with former Gonzaga star and former No. 3 overall pick Adam Morrison....