no Page 5903 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Clubbing, Seals And One's Self
• Soccer has some weird suspensions. [The Beautiful Game] • Vince Young, still upset about that Heisman thing. [Rumors And Rants] • Sorry, no Cy Young now, Mr. Beckett. [Vegas Watch] • Lou Holtz is on FIRE this year. [FanIQ] • What's the best and worst conferences? Anybody know yet? [Musings From Th...
Penn State Will Sue Your Elementary School Back To The Stone Age
Hold on there, Conway Elementary School seventh-grade flag football team. Not another step. Your logo is infringing on the intellectual property rights of Penn State University, and must be removed from all t-shirts, school binders and backpacks. Here are a team of copyright lawyers to make sure you...
Your NHL Eastern Conference Preview
As you know, we make no pretense at being experts in the world of hockey. (Or anything, really.) Because the season is starting, like, this weekend, we've asked Eric McErlain, of Off Wing Opinion, to preview the upcoming season for us. We don't know anyone who knows hockey better than he does, so h...
Ookie Is No Dummy
Ladies and gentlepeople, we have finally figured out what we will do if we are ever convicted of a felony, other than "try to grow a mustache and move to Turks and Caicos." We're gonna make sure we smoke as much weed as possible, and then get caught....
We Have To Ask
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • 11 a.m. Fantasy NFL with Scott Engel: Your advice to choose the Bengals defense has proven unwise. Prepare for merciless retribution. • 3 p.m. Injury report with Stephania Bell: By ignoring my letters, you have broken my heart. Won't y...
OJ's Different, More Philly Lawyer
One of the nice things about these new O.J. Simpson charges, for journalists, is that it's a helluva lot easier to get Simpson's attorneys on the phone than it was 12 years ago. This is no high priced dream team; this is a guy named Yale from South Jersey, and now he's chatting with AJ Daulerio....
Bring Your Umbrellas To Paul Brown Stadium On Monday
There might be no better metaphor for the beginning of the Cincinnati Bengals' season than the fact that fans have been noticing bird poop in their beers....
Two NL East Ballparks, Exactly Opposite
We were at Shea Stadium last night, wearing our Rick Ankiel jersey, of course, and we noted that we were 100 percent unmolested. We chalk this up partly to the fact that Mets fans are about 60 times nicer to visiting fans than Yankees fans, but mostly, Shea Stadium was a morgue last night. The Cardi...
Taste The Rockies, Losers! Taste Them!
The Colorado Rockies need a theme song! After beating the Dodgers on Thursday for their 11th straight win — the longest winning streak in the majors this season — they are on the verge of making the playoffs for only the second time in their history. The Rockies are one game out in the wild-card rac...
About Last Night
What you missed while running in Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro Am Fun Run Race for the Cure ... • MLB: Never give up, never surrender. It's not over until we say it is! (pack it in, Brewers, you're done). • Soccer: No goalie controver...
All Aboard The Rockies Freight Train
We don't know about the rest of you, but as the National League makes its mad scramble to the finish, with still no playoff spots secured, the team we're developing an emotional attachment to are the Colorado Rockies....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch after reading too much Poe ... • College football: Southern Mississippi at Boise State. Blue rug burns for everyone! [ESPN] • MLB: Chicago Cubs at Florida. Cubs wil not choke, Cubswillnotchoke ...[WGN] • Soccer: MLS, Los Angeles at Kansas City. A real ratings grabber, if only it were t...
Jose Offerman's Lawyer Is Awesome
We are not experts in legal matters — we leave this to Deadspin LLP — but we'd have to think Jose Offerman is gonna have a difficult time convincing a jury that he didn't attack a minor league pitcher with a bat. But what do we know? Maybe he'll use the "I thought I saw a mosquito" excuse....
Drink Up, Sports Fans
In the tradition of Michael Jordan (or Derek Jeter) cologne comes a flavor of Jones Soda that's designed to make your mouth a-water: It's perspiration soda....