oh Page 365 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Wizards, They Love Them Hos
Good rule of thumb: When a professional athlete is arrested for solicitation of a prostitute, we are required to write about it, even if that athlete only average 3.7 points a game last year....
Being An Obscure Gay Basketball Player Won't Help You Sell Books
It's difficult, in the world of sports book publishing, to garner better advance publicity than John Amaechi had for his book Man In The Middle....
The Dog Wars Begin
At last, we are seeing the expected fallout from the Michael Vick dogfighting imbroglio: The dogs have had enough of our spot at the top of the food chain and are taking their revenge....
Theismann Still Bitching About MNF Firing
We're sure there are people out there other than Joe Theismann and Washington Post columnist Leonard Shapiro who will miss Theismann on "Monday Night Football" broadcasts next year. We just can't find any of them....
When An Old Athlete Is Put Out To Stud
Nothing in sports makes us feel older than when an athlete retires; often, we remember when they first came into the league, and realize that an entire career has passed while we slowly lurched closer to death. It's an uplifting feeling....
Selig Won't Watch, But We'll Have To
Well, if that whole Barry Bonds Won't Play On ESPN thing turns out to be based in reality, we're all in luck; Bonds is never going to break Hank Aaron's record. Because everyone of his at-bats is gonna be on The Worldwide Leader until, well, until he breaks it, or dies. So, you know, enjoy....
No Bonds For You!
As you may have noticed, Barry Bonds is being held out of the final game of San Francisco's series at Milwaukee (in progress). So it looks like he won't be making any progress towards Henry Aaron's prized record on my watch. Oh well, I'll just have to keep staring at my Arizona State throwback jerse...
The Night Time Is The Right Time
It's been confirmed that David Beckham will not start tonight in his debut with the LA Galaxy, however he has indicated that he will suit up and play. The questions remaining are at what point will he enter the game, and how long will his tender pussy ankle allow him to go on. Blah blah blah. The re...
Who's the Next MLB Player To Bang Alyssa Milano?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think.)...
Your Baby Will Cough And You Will Like It
We know the big ESPN interoffice complaint memorandum we posted earlier this week was enormous and unwieldy, but seriously, folks: It's an absolute treasure trove of gorgeous goodness. So, for the rest of the week, we'll be highlighting particularly hilarious and illustrative segments from the memo....
ESPN Employees Need Their Cash NOW
We know the big ESPN interoffice complaint memorandum we posted yesterday was enormous and unwieldy, but seriously, folks: It's an absolute treasure trove of gorgeous goodness. So, for the rest of the week, we'll be highlighting two particularly hilarious and illustrative segments from the memo each...
A Tree Grows In Bristol
We know the big ESPN interoffice complaint memorandum we posted on Tuesday was enormous and unwieldy, but seriously, folks: It's an absolute treasure trove of gorgeous goodness. So, for the rest of the week, we'll be highlighting two particularly hilarious and illustrative segments from the memo eac...
ESPN Would Rather Not Use Their Own Phones
We know the big ESPN interoffice complaint memorandum we posted yesterday was enormous and unwieldy, but seriously, folks: It's an absolute treasure trove of gorgeous goodness. So, for the rest of the week, we'll be highlighting two particularly hilarious and illustrative segments from the memo each...
John Skipper Defines Leadership
We know the big ESPN interoffice complaint memorandum we posted yesterday was enormous and unwieldy, but seriously, folks: It's an absolute treasure trove of gorgeous goodness. So, for the rest of the week, we'll be highlighting two particularly hilarious and illustrative segments from the memo each...
What ESPN DOESN'T WANT YOU TO HEAR!
We still haven't watched the ESPYs from Sunday night, because, we dunno, it's the summer, and sometimes we like to pretend that the sun actually exists and will welcome us. From most accounts, though, the show was as tolerable as one could have hoped. We have no major issue with Jimmy Kimmel — not a...
ESPN's Secret Interoffice Complaint Memorandum
Sometimes we forget, in all the frustrations and angst that watching ESPN causes us, that Bristol really is just an office. An office with a cafeteria, a human resources department, water coolers, parking spaces and football analysts who take pictures of their penis. It's like all of our offices. So...
Everything's Coming Up Ohio!
We hadn't realized this, but with the impending Arena Bowl XXI loss by the Columbus Destroyers — a team that's 7-9, by the way; the Arena League lets 7-9 teams in the playoffs? — the state of Ohio is putting together a rather amazing string of crushing losses over the last 12 months....
Happy Birthday, Wiffleball!
It's a big day in the world of sports birthdays: The wiffleball (and bat, we presume, unless they were just playing catch) turns 54 years old today. We would compare the wiffleball's age to our mother's, but she'd get all mad at us....